Break The Unthinking Habit

The way the human mind works is filled with paradoxes. We think in order to solve problems, but then once the problems are solved we stop thinking about them because we feel there’s no need to think about them any longer. We file the problem away in a drawer labeled “solved”. It could be said that the whole reason we think about stuff is so that we can stop thinking about it. This can be a good thing… it also has its drawbacks

Computer technology is an amazing thing. Tasks which once took up piles of brainpower can now, with the help of a few processors smaller than the size of a thumb nail, be completed with the push of a few buttons. Take flying an aircraft. To get that huge piece of metal from one point of the globe to another takes hundreds of calculations regarding speed, altitude and direction. Years ago it would have required the full-time attentions of a pilot and navigator, armed with paper maps and keen eye, and, if the flight was a long one, a good supply of coffee, no doubt.

But no longer. Now the main job for the pilot and his crew is to get the plane up in the air and bring it down safely. Between those two tasks—each needing a high skill requirement, I’m sure—the crew can simply monitor the computer systems which keep the plane on course. Everyone has heard the name for this system. It’s called autopilot. And we use it to describe the state of doing stuff without thinking.

Zombie walk

In this way, the human brain is like that on-board computer system. Our brain automatically does much of the mundane work for us in our daily lives, and we often carry out tasks requiring some skill level without thinking about it. Everyone has had the experience—in fact I have it most mornings—of finding a cup of coffee ready-made for us without the recollection of going through every part of the process of making it. (And no, that doesn’t mean your partner did it for you :-) ) Somehow we filled the percolator with water, put in the coffee, let the machine do the job, poured our caffeine-shot into the cup and added the milk without realizing it. Sometimes we even drink the stuff without it making much mental impression, though with a decent strength brew that’s not something that happens too often. Driving a car is another example. Once we get good at it, we do much of the work without having to think about it at all, especially when the route is well-known one.

All this shows us the amazing power of the brain, this ability to do stuff without us putting in effort at all. And it’s a good thing, in many cases, this doing things on autopilot. What’s the point of using up huge resources of brain power to do something when we can do it without thinking at all? Once we know how to solve a problem, or worked out how something works, we can forget about it, leaving our mind to concentrate on something else—usually another problem we need to solve. Eventually we rely on habit to do a lot of stuff. We just do it without thinking.

Snap out of it

This way of thinking—or non-thinking to be more precise—does have its negative side. Although it’s fine for simple stuff like making the morning coffee or programming the DVD recorder—though that’s something I haven’t quite got the hang of yet—it can be a real drawback when it comes to dealing with larger areas of our life such as our finances, our relationships, our careers. These really do require constant attention, and just can’t be run using habit.

If we don’t make an effort to break the habit of “set and forget” in these areas, what tends to happen is that we leave things to run on autopilot. We begin to treat these larger areas of our life in much the same way as making a cup of coffee. We turn it into a process, and do it the same way for years because it tastes OK. Then one day we wake up to find that whole areas of our life haven’t been attended to for months or even years. Our personal finances are in a mess. Our health isn’t too good. Our career has stagnated. Our business isn’t really doing as well as we want it to…

We need to constantly look at these areas to make sure they are working optimally. We need to check which parts are in need of attention. We need to move away from the habit of solving something and forgetting about it, of working on autopilot—and into a habit of regular checking. Note that it’s regular checking, not constant checking. We don’t need to check these areas constantly, and neither do we need to become paranoid about them. We just need to check them once in a while to see where they are heading. If they are fine, we can forget them again—go back to autopilot. If not we can work on putting them on the right course—and then go back to autopilot with the new direction.

Make time to check your direction

I’ve found that the best way to do this is to set a time to look at your life and have a set way to check each part to see what’s working and what isn’t—or at least isn’t working as well as it could. This takes some planning, but it’s well worth the effort, since the rewards are a constant improvement to the way we do things—and a way of meeting our goals. (You do set goals don’t you? :-) )

Here’s how to do it.

Divide and rule
The first thing to do is break down the areas of your life into segments. These may well overlap—and probably do—and an improvement in one will probably cause knock-on improvements in the others. But for this purpose to see them as clearly defined areas is fine. The four main areas that I like to look at are: finance, health, family and relationships, and business. You may have others, but for me these four are pretty much the main concerns.

So first we have to choose which areas to focus on—and then which areas within those broad areas are the most important. An example of a broad area might be your finances. Within that area might be your mortgage, your credit card spending, and monthly bills that disappear from your bank account without you thinking about them. Another example of a broad area might be your relationships, with sub-areas being your relationship with your children, your partner, or your friends.

Choose how often
Overall, the thing to remember is that if you don’t look at something for a while, there will usually be a problem. To get into a habit of constantly checking our habits to see which ones are useful and which aren’t, we have to set a time. So once you’ve chosen the areas that need attention, set a time to have a good look at what is working in that area and what isn’t. In order to be able to do this you need to have set goals. If you don’t set goals, then you need to make this a priority. We can’t know whether or not we’re on course if we don’t know where we’re going.

For me, I set goals at the beginning of each year. From these I set quarterly goals, which forces me to review these areas of my life every three months. I merge the review sessions with a planning session—the review sets the basis for the planning for the following three months. I set a specific date for the first quarterly session, and when that’s completed, I set the date for the next one. This setting a time to check our lives may seem at odds with emotional stuff like relationships, but relationships are formed through the things we do—the time we spend with a partner, our families, and our friends. If we don’t make a conscious effort to do those things, the emotional side can wither and die.

But—as I’m sure you’re aware—setting a date is one thing, and actually keeping it is another… and doing the right thing on that date is something yet again… Which means the phrase to bear in mind is…

Be brutal, be brutal…
Honesty is a commendable quality, but it’s often lacking when we come to look at our own performance. We gloss over the failings and give ourselves a lot of room for maneuver. In short, we make excuses. Sometimes there are good excuses—things that just couldn’t be foreseen pop up out of nowhere to knock us off course—but much of the time we are being easy on ourselves. In these review sessions, that isn’t good enough. The whole point of having these sessions is to be honest.

Remember the movie The Producers? In it there's a scene in which Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom go to see the director they’ve chosen to make the show a flop, and they find him wearing an evening gown he intends to wear at a dinner party. He asks for their opinion with the words: “Be brutal, be brutal, for heaven knows they will…”

That’s what’s needed. Brutality… with yourself… How are you doing in the area of your life under scrutiny? How is it developing in relation to your goals? Your goals should set specific targets for achievement, even if the achievement is having more time off instead of working yourself into the ground every day. So if you’ve decided that you need to work on your family life, and have made a commitment to, say, go out with your family at least every other Sunday—even if only to a restaurant for coffee and ice-cream (though this maybe isn’t a good idea if you’re trying to lose weight)—then you can say categorically whether you’ve achieved it or not.

This isn’t to say that you should beat yourself up over the fact that an area of your life isn’t going in exactly the right direction, or that you didn’t achieve a goal. Self-flagellation has always seemed hard work to me. This practice of taking stock is simply a tool—like those navigation instruments on aircraft—which enables you to check where you’re going and make changes as needed.

But overall, this forcing yourself to look closely at areas of your life can be a real eye-opener. Things you thought were running smoothly aren’t running smoothly at all. Even worse, those things can be a real drain on resources. One area where this is often true is our finances. We have subscriptions to magazines that we never read. We’re members of clubs that we never use (especially the gym…). And so on… Taking a good look at our finances regularly and seeing which things are not “working”, or which are useless can really help to improve our lives. Simplification is one of the best things we can do…

If an area of your life really is working, leave it alone. But more often than not—when you first begin to do this at least—you’ll find that a certain sub-area—or even a whole area—isn’t working too well at all. If at all… You probably thought it was working, because you were working on autopilot. But you were using autopilot for things which really shouldn’t be done on autopilot—like landing and taking off.

So that’s the problem!

If you haven’t achieved something you set out to do, or if you find an area of your life isn’t moving in the direction you want it to, you need to ask yourself—with the same brutal honesty—why. And try to do it without blaming other people, no matter how difficult that may seem. What could you have done that you didn’t? Why did you not stick to that commitment you made?

Many people will shy away from this kind of honesty with themselves. But without it our lives can easily veer off course—and we don’t realize it until it’s too late.

Those on-board computer systems are the best technology available. But the pilot and navigator still have to check those systems once in a while to make sure the plane is on the right course. We should too. Autopilot is a great thing, but a good hard look at its processes once every now and again can do us a world of good—and make sure we really are on our way to the correct destination.

Take a look at the main areas of your life and see which ones—if any—have been moving along on autopilot. You might be heading the right way. You might be a little off course and just need a fine adjustment. You might be way off course, and need a major adjustment in order to get where you want to go. But the thing to bear in mind is, if you don’t look, you won’t know.