Personal Development

An Odd Rule of Success

2007-07-09T22:55:00.000+07:00

We often think of achieving success as moving from one point to another, from one of failure to success, like moving between two points on a map. This is not necessarily so, and the fact can be used to our advantage.

When we want to achieve something we usually go about planning it in the same we plan a road journey. We start from point A and want to get to point B, with places to stop along the way. We mark our progress by how far we have moved along the route in whatever amount of time. Eventually we get to where we want to be.

This analogy of achievement as a journey down a road can be useful. There’s some value in being able to chart our progress day by day or week by week. The length of time it takes us to achieve the goal will vary on how complex and large the goal is, but when we see ourselves moving along the road, even if only by small degrees, it can help to keep us motivated. It’s when we stop seeing progress that we tend to give up.

But this simple road map to success—the straight line method of achievement—has its disadvantages, in that it doesn’t give a true picture of how we achieve things. In fact achieving things can be easier, or take less time than we think, and the road is not straight. In fact, achieving success is not a road at all. It’s something that is essentially non-spatial. We can’t plot from A to B because the distance to our goal is not constant.

Not always a straight line to success

The reason is that when we move toward a goal, we can sometimes take three or four steps at a time, although when we first start to move toward our goal we might have to take five steps in order to move forward just one. Or sometimes we take one step and slide back four steps. :-)

The good thing to know, and something which can really galvanize us to keep trying is that as we persist in trying to achieve our goals, the steps get easier, and that’s when we begin to take four steps for every one. One reason is that as we move toward our goal we get better at what we do. Things get easier. But another reason, and one which isn’t easily measurable, is that we begin to attract things to us that quicken our progress exponentially.

This is especially true when the success isn’t measured in terms of being “the best”—a subjective measurement at best—but simply in terms of achieving something, like starting a successful business.

Looking at success in this way, it might be useful to look at achievement not in terms of a journey, of moving down a road from A to B, but in terms of increasing the power of a magnet. If you’ve ever seen a powerful electromagnet in operation, you’ll know what I mean. Put it in the middle of a bunch of iron filings or metal tacks and increase the power slowly. At first just a few tacks are pulled in, but at some point the current reaches a certain power and suddenly all the tacks fly to the magnet and stick like glue.

Increase your power

Your success can be looked at in the same way. When you begin an undertaking, your power is weak. Maybe you won’t even attract a single tack. But as you continue in your progress and your power increases, more and more tacks will be pulled in, until one day there’ll be such a rush that you’ll wonder how it happened.

Seen from a human perspective, the tacks could be relationships, or reputation. As the number of relationships grows, your success increases—and not by single steps, but leaps and bounds. To me, this is a much better way of looking at success achievement. It shifts the perspective away from success as something you have to work towards to something that you attract to you. It means success is something that is within you and not out there.

The next time you think of something you want to achieve, try to think of it not as a journey, but as an increase in your power. Then think of what you can do to start increasing your attraction. It might mean getting in touch with a certain group of people who have the contacts you need. It might mean starting to learn a new skill that is in demand. Think of success coming to you, and not something you have to chase. It makes the job of achieving success that much easier. ()

Do You Operate in Fear or Faith?

2007-07-09T22:53:00.000+07:00

The greatest tool the enemy uses against us in life is fear, because fear keeps us from doing many of those things we would like to do in order to make our lives, and the lives of others, more complete and prosperous.

Since we are born with only a few fears like the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises, all other fears are learned. The fear of failure, the fear of rejection, and even a fear of success are all learned fears and are really just lies from the devil.

Naturally, God wants us to live abundant and prosperous lives, but the devil is not going to just step aside and watch while God outrageously prospers us. The devil’s whole purpose is to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10), and the best way he is able to do this is by causing us to doubt and fear.

One important thing to understand is the fact that doubt always precedes fear. If the enemy can get us to doubt and give in to it, it will then grow into fear. And even though fear can sneak up on us fast, it doesn't have to paralyse us. It's then that our courage can get us through.

How do we develop true courage? Ephesians 6:11 says, “Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.” Truth, righteousness, preparation to share the gospel, faith, salvation, and the Word of God is the armor. Verse 16 says, “Above all, take the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the enemy.”

It's important to understand the power of faith in God's Word because fear is such a massive thought force competing for control of our minds. Just know, faith is much stronger. We can cancel out fear with faith because there is no force in this world more powerful than faith, and the most amazing things can happen as a result of it.

Faith is a shield. When the devil’s lies come at us in the form of fear, we must know what God’s Word says concerning our circumstances in order to quench that fear.

Unfortunately, too many Christians are ignorant of the power of faith, so they only operate in fear, which is the exact opposite. We cannot operate in a spirit of faith and a spirit of fear at the same time. We will flow in one or the other. We must oppose the spirit of fear and close the door on the devil so we may move forward with God’s plan for our lives.

As Faith is our shield (our defense), God’s Word is our Sword (our offense). That means we must not only believe God’s Word, but we must also speak it.

Our words are containers of power. When all hell is coming against us, we need to hold fast to the confession of our faith and say what the Word says in light of our situation instead of what the circumstances look like or how they make us feel.

Not speaking the positive report of God’s Word is the reason why so many believers fall short of receiving God’s best and continue to live in fear. 2 Corinthians 4:13 says, “I believed, and therefore have I spoken.” By speaking negative words we are operating in fear and are in agreement with the devil. The door then remains open for him to produce the very conditions we are speaking. Instead, speak the promises of God in faith by getting into agreement with Him.

Again, the greatest tool the enemy uses against us in life is fear, but we can quench the firey lies of the enemy by faith and eventually see God’s promises fulfilled in our lives. ()

What’s Wrong With Being Afraid?

2007-07-09T22:48:00.000+07:00

The End of Fear?
Is there anything good about fear?

Look at new age, spiritual, and self-improvement blogs, books, CDs, and seminars.
Fear is bad for your health, your relationships, your personal growth, and your spiritual development.

Fear tells us to avoid and hide from every difficulty in our lives.
Fear tells us to do nothing when we should take action.
Fear tells us to attack when we should listen.

We want to get rid of all the little fears that hold us back.
In fact, we want to get rid of fear altogether.

Do you think that will ever happen?
Will fear disappear someday from the vocabulary of human emotions?

I hope not.
Let me explain.

Many desires or feelings that are called negative, have a related, positive, aspect.

Fear is one of these two-sided feelings.

Ordinary fear is a great poison that weakens us, and leads us to live tiny lives.
It takes away our power to fly, and leaves us crawling on the ground.

That’s not the kind of fear that I want in my life.

Fear and Danger

Where does fear come from, anyway?
It starts when I sense danger.
It starts when I sense a threat to me, or to something or someone that’s precious to me.

Most of our everyday fears are triggered by psychological threats.
If you’re not physically threatened, but you feel afraid, the threat is psychological . You can feel threatened by a person, place, thing, or even an idea.

A Sense of Danger

Anyone ever heard of Spider Man?
One of his more interesting abilities is a Spider sense that warns him of danger.

We each have a sense that tells us when things are dangerous.
But our sense of danger is often out of touch with reality.

My sense of danger is colored and twisted by the stories that I tell myself about my past experiences.

The mind takes one real danger, one bad experience, and uses it as evidence that something is dangerous forever.

We’re masters at exaggerating danger.

And, we’re quick to tell ourselves what we can’t do.
How often do we whisper to ourselves that an action is just too hard, or even impossible?

Why am I so afraid to face a challenge, and do something unfamiliar and difficult?
In a somewhat misguided way, I’m trying to protect myself.

If I don’t succeed, or even if it takes me a few times to succeed, I might damage some image, some story that I tell about how perfect I am, and that’s dangerous.

The Guardian
Still, having a sense of danger, and acting on it, is a vital skill.
We need a sense of danger, a sense that listens for threats to what is truly precious.

Follow me for a moment.
I don’t want a sense of danger that results in debilitating fear, or anger, or hatred.
I don’t want my beliefs about what’s precious to lead me to deny anyone’s humanity.

I can love others that I disagree with.
But sometimes, in accepting others, my mind takes that acceptance and exaggerates it.
I slip into a mindset that says that it doesn’t really matter what I believe.
I start to become indifferent to things that used to matter to me.

And if I don’t care, if something isn’t important to me, will I stand up and take action when it’s unpopular?

We may deny it, but many of our actions are motivated by a blind desire to be accepted. And where does my desire to accept other people come from? Does it arise from a deep-felt recognition of each person’s humanity or do I accept others so they will accept me?

Of course I want to get along with others. I want others to like me.
But if that’s the basis for my principles, if that’s the basis for deciding what’s important, then I’m in big trouble.

And the world will suffer as a result.
I don’t believe that much good comes from blindly following any belief in a half-hearted way.

I want to be passionate about my beliefs, so I have the energy and courage to do the right thing, even when it’s hard.

I want to protect what’s precious in this world.
I want to be a guardian of this wonderful garden that we live in,

I don’t want to be judge and jury of others.
I don’t want to condemn anyone.

But I will stand up, gently and strongly, for what is precious.

Transformation
Let’s get rid of the ordinary sort of fear, and cultivate its other side: a sense of danger.
Let’s develop a sense of danger that comes together with the feeling of being a calm, powerful, loving guardian of the world’s treasures.

Exercise: Fear into Action
The next time you feel afraid of some danger:

1. Ask yourself if there really is a danger to something precious.
2. If so, switch gears inside and let that feeling of fear change into a feeling of danger without fear, and without anger - a powerful awareness of what’s important.
3. Then connect that awareness to the feeling of being a calm, energetic guardian, and find a way to take action. ()

Personal Development Growth

2007-07-09T22:46:00.000+07:00

Personal development used to be a course taught at business and vocational schools around the United States.

It was long since held that self-improvement was an essential aspect of succeeding in a more and more competitive marketplace that left little room for those who would not be able to pull their own weight - usually because of self image problems.

Personal growth was considered to be the antidote to the possibility of failure very often experienced by job changers, vocation changers, and those who might embark on a new career at a more advanced age than most of their competitors in the marketplace.

Personal development was said to be effective in combining an individual's innate wish for success with a change in the person's mode of viewing her- or himself and also the way the person is portraying her- or himself to others.

NLP - neuro-linguistic programming is one of the favored tools of the personal development movement. Since it offers a wide variety of tools and techniques, this application itself promises success simply because of its superior adaptability to the needs of the person seeking personal development.

For example, for those will simply performance anxiety
problems, a large number of exercises will make an accomplished introvert out of a phobic introvert who is sent into stammering or excessive sweating bits at the prospect of speaking in front of a crowd. For the person suffering from extreme anxiety the idea of meditation - well within the framework of NLP - will quite often yield amazing results.

While traditionalists might scoff at the idea of personal development simply because it is such a subjective exercise, it is noteworthy that many people sear by it and attribute their business success to lessons learned and exercises attempted during a personal development seminar.

Perhaps the most important aspect to remember when discussing personal development is the fact that it seeks to capitalize on a person's good intentions.

These intentions may be the wish to succeed in business, the
innate need to be useful, or maybe just the wish to further the role of leadership a person has taken within a corporation or business. The goal is to draw out the good intentions and turn them into marketable objectives which the client will be able to realize and develop further, so as to ensure that her or his confidence will grow enough to pursue the next level of professional development.

For those who are gifted with a go-get-it attitude, this need may be hard to understand, but suffice it to say that in a world where corporate success is hard won, and abilities have to be proven time and again, those who may suffer from a lack of self esteem have often found themselves relegated to the sidelines.

If this is you, it is also important to understand that you do not have to be on the sidelines, but that you have everything it takes to make it up the ladder of success! ()

The 5 Step Personal Development Plan

2007-07-09T22:43:00.000+07:00

Personal development has become increasingly popular in today's busy world for everything from career improvement and weight loss to public speaking. While the methods and tools used to achieve the desired personal development outcome may vary from high priced seminars to moderately priced books, there are a number of simple steps that can be used to get you started on the right path to reach your own personal development goal, such as:

1) Identify the Cause

A good starting point with personal development is to look at how you got to where you are right now. For example, if your area of personal development relates to weight loss then look at what lifestyle factors contributed to your weight problem to start with. Write down everything you can think of that contributed to the problem and then analyze how you can modify each factor to get the result you desire.

2) Goal Setting

It is essential to have a clear goal in mind to achieve your own particular personal development requirements. Ask yourself exactly what it is that you wish to achieve and the more refined and clear your goal the more chance you will have of successfully attaining it.

3) Make a Plan

Once you have decided on your goal then formulate a plan that details the steps you will take to reach your goal. Use the details you uncovered when identifying the cause of the problem and expand on these to incorporate as much detail as possible on how you can achieve your personal development goal.

4) Focus and Commitment

Once you know your goal and have designed your plan you then need to focus on your goal and commit to the plan you have designed. Set aside a certain amount of time each day to work on your plan and do not allow general daily chores to distract you from what you need to do. Once you have become accustomed to working on your plan each day it will become a habit and therefore easier over time to stick too.

5) Look for Inspiration

It will be of great benefit to look for inspiration from others that have overcome the same personal development challenge as your own. This can be in the form of books, seminars, courses or even a person from your local community that you may be able to contact to get some tips or advice.

Personal development is about identifying areas of your life that you wish to change for the better and having an attitude of continual self-improvement. No matter which area of your life you intend to improve by following the steps outlined above and committing to the plan you can be assured of achieving your goals and in doing so gain more confidence to not only achieve other personal development goals but do it quicker and easier each time. ()

Gaining New Skills

2007-06-22T20:47:00.000+07:00

When we consider learning a new skill, we often concentrate on how difficult it will be to get good, never mind become a master. We need a different set of thinking skills to help us move forward.

"I could never do that."

How often do we hear that phrase, either from people we know or from ourselves, spoken by a tiny—though often loud and vociferous—inner voice? I’m willing to bet that we hear it every day, and more from ourselves than we care to admit. That inner voice telling us that something is outside the range of our ability is heard every minute in some cases. In fact it’s heard so often that we stop hearing it, even though the effects can be disastrous for our self-confidence and our ability to gain it. We get so used to this voice telling us that we are useless or have no ability that it becomes like background noise. We are so used to it that we don’t recognize it’s there until it gives us a headache. And a permanent headache at that…

The trouble is we can’t shut it off. Or can’t seem to…

Where does this problem come from, this constantly underestimating our abilities to do things? One of the problems is that we forget what it is like to be a child. Even when we have children of our own, and we watch them going through their own learning experiences—sometimes struggling to learn, but more often learning effortlessly—we somehow can’t, or don’t, see the great truth that this can teach us.

Small beginnings

Take reading, for instance. When a child learns to read, he begins by learning his ABC, or whatever script is used by his language. He learns the characters and that’s it. A thought such as: “It’s pointless learning these because I’ll never get good enough to read all those big, thick books I see on the library shelves.” And neither would his parents dream of putting a thick book in his hands and tell him that he should get on with learning to read and leave him to get on with it.

A child learns the letters, and then some simple words, and then he progresses to reading more complicated texts. And if you’ve ever watched a child go through the stages of reading comprehension, you’ll have very likely witnessed a pretty amazing thing. It isn’t that children can learn to read, that they can learn abstract symbols and recognize that they can communicate concepts and ideas of objects (though that is pretty amazing). The thing that is amazing is the increase in the rate of learning once the child reaches a certain point. Once he gets in his stride, there’s no stopping him.

What does this teach us? It teaches us that the early parts of any learning experience are always the most difficult, and that once we get over the initial hurdles the learning experience generally becomes easier. Once we have the basics in place, we can begin to make connections with all sorts of other information—and not always information within the same subject—and our growth can become exponential.

This is just common sense, and yet adults forget this, and usually don’t remember it, even when they see children manifesting this ability to tackle a learning experience without problem. This is the key to learning anything, and the child knows it instinctively, or to be more accurate there are many things that the child does not “know” or care about, and therefore just isn’t hampered by them.

Building blocks

When a child begins to play with building blocks, he doesn’t think of the house he will eventually be able to build. He concentrates on balancing on block on top of another, or sticking two Lego bricks together. Only when he has mastered these basics does he move on. Until that time, he doesn’t care about the great models he will build, the great books he will read. He cares only about learning what he can learn at that moment, and enjoying it at that. Paradoxically, the less the child cares about getting better, the better he gets.

The reason children can do this is because of their lack of thought—and more importantly their lack of worry. Here are three things to think about when you need to learn something new.

Children don’t think in terms of getting better

For a child, simply doing in that moment is all there is. You can do the same. Now is all there is, and when you use the “now” effectively, you’ll find that the “tomorrow”, the future, is much more likely to be as the “now” guided it to be.

Children don’t think in terms of aims

Children don’t think in terms of learning in order to do something bigger or more difficult.
For a child, the long journey ahead simply doesn’t exist. Adults often concentrate on thinking about the journey and how hard it is to reach the destination, instead of concentrating on now. Of course, we need to think of the destination and we need to think of improving ourselves. But to confuse the destination with the steps we take to reach it is a mistake.

Children aren’t bothered by learning the basics

A child can sometimes concentrate for hours on doing a simple thing, and by doing that will master the basics that will lead to the rapid learning later on. Adults get bored if they have to do the same thing for more than five minutes. Learn to not expect rapid progress at the beginning of an undertaking. Learn the basics and the learning will be mch easier later on.

So if you want to learn something—especially if you find yourself looking at the end result and feeling disheartened at the thought of ever being good enough—take some advice from a child. Start now. Enjoy yourself. Don’t worry about running. Learn to walk first. One day you’ll be running so fast you won’t even remember not being able to walk.

Most kids—at least those under the age of 15—have never read Friedrich Nietzsche, but they know instinctively what he meant when he said: “He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying.”

They know instinctively that a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step… and they don’t even care how long the journey is.

What journey will you start today? Which “ABC” of which subject or skill will you begin today?

Happy learning! (Inspiration Insights)

The foundations of Success

2007-06-22T20:44:00.000+07:00

"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him." David Brinkley

It’s a common conception that successful people have had it easy. Successful people, or so we often think, have had opportunity handed to them on a plate, and all they had to do was pick it up and success was theirs. Then when we look around at our own lives and find that the same opportunities are lacking, we begin to believe that success is impossible, or so difficult that it would take years of work to achieve.

It’s only when we look at the facts of the lives of many successful people that we see the opposite is true. Many successful people did not have easy lives, or certainly no easier than many other people. And many times we find that successful people had far from easy lives.

So what made the difference?

The difference lies in the mindset of successful people. Instead of concentrating on what they don’t have, successful people will concentrate on what they do have—and use that to build something worthwhile. Taking this even further, we see that successful people often took the bad things that happened to them and used them as a basis to achieve something great. They took the bricks that were thrown at them and used them to build something.

Life is full of chance, and true success means enjoying this fact—and making the most of the opportunities that life throws at you. It means taking those bricks that have been thrown at you and building something worthwhile with them. After all, a brick is a brick is a brick… and you can either leave those bricks in a pile to gather dust or you can dust off your trowel, mix some cement and get building.

Today, analyze your situation and see what bricks lie at your feet. Then see what you could build with them. You might well have the materials for success right there. (Inspiration Insights)

Movement and The Mind

2007-06-22T20:42:00.000+07:00

The scientists seem to be getting an idea of something that any sportsman or practitioner of martial arts has always known: that exercise stimulates the brain. In short, exercise makes you smarter, brighter, faster…

Scientists have always had an idea that this is so, but only now are they able to offer some sorts of proof, according to an article in Newsweek. Using the latest brain-scanning tools and the latest research in biochemistry, scientists have found that exercise affects the brain and mental development much more than previously realized.

The latest research shows that muscles, when exercised, release chemicals including a protein called IGF-1 that travels through the bloodstream and into the brain. Once in the brain the protein causes other chemicals to be produced, including brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF). This chemical seems to lead to increased mental awareness. In other words, it helps you think better.

Soon we may have proof that all those fitness instructors were right after all… and that getting more exercise, and giving more exercise to our children, has more benefits than just losing weight. (Inspiration Insights)

Refresh Your Memory

2007-06-22T20:39:00.000+07:00

Ever had the experience of remembering something but being unable to remember the exact sequence of events that comprised the memory? It’s something that a lot of us have experienced at one time or another. We remember the holiday, for instance, but sometimes find ourselves unable to remember exactly the chronology of the events. In short, we can remember the whole event but not which events came first, second and third within it.

Now, researchers at the University of Lübeck may have hit upon an answer.

It’s a widely held view that it’s during sleep that long-term memories are formed. During sleep, the brain replays the experiences of the previous day in order to save them to memory. But the new research seems to show that sleep not only helps us to make memories, but also helps the brain to remember in which order a particular series of events took place.

If this is true, it might show getting a good night’s sleep does more than refresh the body and the mind on a shallow level. It might help the brain not only in remembering information, but also how to structure it.

Being able to structure information is extremely helpful, or even essential, for people who work on complicated projects or are involved in project management. Being able to start work in the morning with the information learned during the previous day’s work structured in the mind in a way which enables us to make sense of it and use it effectively can be a huge boost to our ability to get things done. Some of the time we struggle to remember exactly how one piece of information works with another. If the findings of the research are true, it’s been getting a good night’s sleep could be one of the best things we can do to get our brains working at an optimum level. This would make projects run much more smoothly and save time.

The research may also explain something else. I once worked with someone who slept hardly at all, and spent most of their waking hours in the office. That person could remember facts, but could never seem to get anything into a logical order. She had turned disorganization into an art form. If I’d known what the cure was, perhaps the company could have paid for some kind of sleep therapy… (Inspiration Insights)

Want Success? Get Some Sleep!

2007-06-22T20:30:00.000+07:00

Researchers in Germany have done a study which has significant implications to student’s performance in school and to adult’s success at work. The study shows that individuals taking a simple math test were three times more likely than their sleep-deprived counterparts to figure out a hidden rule for converting certain numbers into the right answer if they had eight hours of sleep.

The study also shows that there is a strong correlation between adequate sleep and a person’s ability to be creative and to solve problems. Other biochemical studies of the brain have suggested that memories are restructured before they are stored. Creativity seems to also be enhanced in this process. This restructuring may be occurring to make problems easier to solve.

According to researcher Jan Born of the University of Lubeck, during sleep the brain actively processes information learned during the day. Here is what Borg has to say about the benefits of sleep for long-term memory:

“Brain cells seem to replay the memory during slow-wave sleep, often called deep sleep in stages of non-rapid eye movement. The replay makes the memory stronger. People who don’t get enough sleep have more trouble pulling up the memory when they need the information. I am absolutely convinced that sleep is necessary for long-term memory.”

Many college students have stayed up all night trying to study for an important exam. It turns out that this is one of the worst things that they can do. If you have an important activity the next day, be it an exam, a performance, a job interview, a sports event, or anything else that requires you to perform, the most important thing that you need to do in order to be well prepared is to get a good night of sleep the night before.

According to Phyllis Zee, a sleep researcher at the Northwestern University School of Medicine in Chicago, most Americans get less than the minimum seven hours of sleep per night. “People who don’t get enough sleep, which could include millions of Americans, may be setting themselves up for attention lapses”, she says.

Findings presented at the American Academy of Neurology’s annual meeting in Boston show that sleep may help boost the brain’s ability to remember recently learned information. Anyone who works in demanding jobs that require a strong reliance on memory and alertness should pay close attention to this research. In some professions, such as airline pilots, the amount of rest between work shifts is regulated. If you don’t get enough sleep you are more likely to make mistakes because you will have difficulty concentrating and recalling critical information when required.

Steve Pavlina, a well know personal development blogger has done an experiment with polyphasic sleep which is a pattern of sleeping for about 20 minutes every four hours around the clock. Under this pattern a person only sleeps about 2 hours a day, which is much less than the 7-8 hours of sleep recommended by the experts. Here is what Steve had to say about the experiment:

“Adapting to polyphasic sleep took many days, and I felt like a zombie the first week. At one point I just sat on the couch staring at a wall for 90 minutes, unable to form any thoughts. But eventually I was able to adapt, and it was one of the most unusual experiences of my life… By adapting to polyphasic sleep, you may gain some waking hours each day, but you sacrifice a lot of schedule flexibility… Eventually I abandoned the pattern and returned to monophasic sleep, mainly due to social reasons”

It is not clear from what Steve has reported whether there is any benefit from polyphasic sleep. As he said, you may gain some hours each day, but you lose your schedule flexibility. To me it is a dangerous experiment that could have an adverse effect on you health, so I would not recommend it.

There is plenty of evidence that getting enough sleep is essential for success in any activity, from academics to sports, and beyond. If you are serious about being successful, don’t sacrifice your sleep just to gain a few extra hours each day. Don’t think of sleep as a waste of time. Think of it as an essential ingredient for your body’s health and for your success. (WW-Success)

Success Secrets Explained

2007-06-20T09:16:00.000+07:00

How do you define success? Is it having a lot of money? May be it is defined as being fulfilled in a relationship or family life. Everybody defines success differently, and there is nothing wrong with our own personal definition. Every one of us feels like we succeed in different ways.

We can however put some broad definitions to the term success that would apply to most people.

One of such definitions would be financial success. I define it as the ability to live a financially worry free life. For some people this might mean that they would be happy to make enough money to survive and others might want to have an extravagant life style. There isn’t really a right or wrong answer. It all depends on what is important to us.

I think that even a better definition of success would be living as close to your true destiny as possible. Here are a few tips for discovering what your true destiny is.

1. Know your dreams.

It isn’t enough to just have goals in life. We often know the direction we want to go to, but do not know where exactly that direction will bring us. Knowing exactly what you want is a key component in designing our destiny.

2. Live your dreams.

Living your dreams is a must. All our happiness depends on how close we come to living our true desires. Think about it. Do you think you would be happier if you were to experience what you truly desire in your day to day life?

3. Take responsibility for your life.

Part of being truly successful is being responsible for the way we act. We all know that things do not always workout the way we want them to. Sometimes we make mistakes. Admitting when we did make a mistake can do great things for us. This ability is crucial when learning anything. When we admit to a mistake we learn from it and are able to move on without hindering our progress. It is being stubborn that prevents us from learning the lessons we need to learn.

4. Let go of any hurt you might have experienced in the past.

If there is one thing that holds us back in life, it is when we hold on to the past. We all experience terrible injustices at one time or another. There are times when we get hurt and go through what seems like incredible difficulties. The sooner we will develop the ability to let go of anything that happened in the past, the more our life will seem successful to us. The easier it will become.

5. Make a plan and stick with it.

Goals are important, but so is action. We must have a plan and follow it to reach a desired destination. Action is of paramount importance. Without acting we will never be able to get anywhere. So make a plan, and follow it with abandon.

Success will come to those who are able to act fearlessly in the face of adversities life troughs at us every day. (Burst Creativity)

The Secret in Think and Grow Rich

2007-06-20T09:10:00.000+07:00

Napoleon Hill’s classic book Think and Grow Rich is one of the most popular personal development works ever written. As mentioned in the book reviews page on this site, Think and Grow Rich has passed the test of time. Even though the book was written in the early 1900’s during the great depression, all of the concepts taught in the book are still valid and can be applied today by anyone seeking success.

However, anyone who has read Think and Grow Rich must wonder if they really captured the secret which Napoleon Hill mentioned in the introduction of his book:

“The secret was brought to my attention by Andrew Carnegie…he asked if I would be willing to spend twenty years of more, preparing myself to take it to the world, to men and women who, without the secret, might go through life as failures…this book contains the secret, after having been put to a practical test by thousands of people, in almost every walk of life….

The secret to which I refer has been mentioned no fewer than one hundred times throughout this book. It has not been directly named….those that are ready and searching for it may pick it up.”

The premise behind Think and Grow Rich is that those that are ready for the secret will recognize it in every chapter. Napoleon Hill leaves some clues to help you find the secret, such as the final words at the end of the introduction when he mentions that the secret may be recognized in this: All achievements and all earned riches start with an idea.

If you have read Think and Grow Rich you can’t help but wonder if you captured the secret. After reading the book, you get the feeling that you may have gotten it, after all you felt you were ready and searching for it as Napoleon said you needed to be in order to capture it. But how do you know for sure? The secret is never revealed in plain English, so even though you learn a great deal from the concepts in the book, you are left with this feeling that you are not quite sure if you truly captured the secret, without which you will not duplicate the successes found by the many accomplished individuals mentioned in the book.

If you read the book and you are still wondering about its secret, wonder no more. We will tell you how you can learn it, or at least confirm your understanding of the secret in Think and Grow Rich. But before we go there, let me introduce you to the person that will help you understand the secret.

Brian Kim has read many personal development books, from Steven Covey to Tony Robbins to Zig Ziglar, and many others. Yet, he was always searching for the next book, the one that would give him the true formula for reaching success. Then he realized that all these books conditioned you to look at the principles of success as separate from one another. At this point Brian realized that he needed to look for the big picture, and felt that if he discovered the secret in Think and Grow Rich he could then make sense of everything he had read about self-improvement and goal attainment.

Brian then went on a mission to find the hidden secret in Think and Grow Rich. He read the book many time, took notes, ran through each clue given by Napoleon Hill, formed theories, honed it again and again, until he started to see common threads that gave rise to the principles of success of not only Think and Grow Rich, but also of all the other personal development books that he had read. This is when the hidden secret hit him. Here is how Brian describes it in his own words:

“I saw the relationships and made the connections between the concepts and principles I read about and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. The Hidden Secret appeared just like Napoleon Hill said it would…When I understood the Hidden Secret everything, I mean everything, I had read on self-improvement and goal achievement for over a decade made sense.”

Brian Kim describes in no uncertain terms the secret that Napoleon Hill mentioned in Think and Grow Rich in his eBook The Hidden Secret of Think and Grow Rich. Brian Kim’s The Hidden Secret of Think and Grow Rich is the companion book that you were looking for that will help you make sense of the message that Napoleon Hill wanted you to capture from his book.

We have made arrangements with Brian Kim for the readers of Worldwide Success to have access to a special offer. If you buy Brian Kim’s The Hidden Secret of Think and Grow Rich eBook through this link you will also receive two special bonuses absolutely free of charge: A special report entitled “The Three Biggest Mistakes That People Make With The Hidden Secret” and a Hidden Secret Workbook that you can use to help you apply the Hidden Secret.

If you are a Napoleon Hill fan, you will enjoy reading Brian Kim’s work.(Worldwide Success)

A Process to Success

2007-06-20T09:05:00.000+07:00

Thank you for visiting my website. You must of stumbled upon this website on your journey for personal development and I’m hoping I can help to make your search a success. After doing much research on my own personal development, I have come across what I like to call A Process to Success, if there was a secret to happiness I believe this process is it. I beleive if you follow this process you will have all the success you desire. My goal with this process was to simplify all of which I have gained durring my own study of personal development. If after reading this you are inspired to learn more I encourage you to check out the works that I have suggested.

Step 1 - Gratitude

The first step to the process to success is to get into a positive mindset, and feeling the feelings of gratitude is the key to great success. Spend time each day to feel the feelings of gratitude and focus on appreciation of all things in your life. When you wake up feel grateful that you have been given another day. When you’re driving to work be grateful for the roads and the car that gets you there. When you arrive at work be grateful for your co-workers who enlighten your day and make your job easier. When you have your lunch be grateful for the food you have been given. As you exercise the feelings of gratitude it will become a part of you and your path to success will be a bright one. Many people tend to focus on the negative things in their life and thus they are given more negative things. When you put yourself into a feeling of gratitude you fill yourself with positive feelings and in return more positive things are attracted to you.

Step 2 - Thoughts

Law of Attraction - you get what you think about; your thoughts determine your destiny. This law is simple, what you think in your mind will be created in your life. If you think negative thoughts more negative things will be brought to you. A classic example is when someone has a “Bad Day” or “Woke up on the wrong side of the bed”. They wake up in a negative mood, they stay in this mind set and throughout their day it continues that downward spiral. If you spend your time with the feelings of gratitude and focusing your thoughts on the positive you will see that more positive things are attracted to you. So when you find yourself in a negative mindset take a timeout and think of something that makes you feel good. Use your thoughts to create what you want. Thoughts become things. Create, do not compete for what is already created. You’re on your way to personal success!

Step 3 - Visualize

The next step is very much connected to the last. Spend time in your leisure time to focus on the things you want. Close your eyes and visualize already having it. Feel the feelings of already having it. The Law of Attraction will begin the creative process of forming that thought into a thing, a reality. You’re subconscious will become more aware of opportunities that will bring you the things you think about. A popular technique in visualizing is to create a vision board. Click here to learm more about vision boards.

Step 4 - Faith

Accept these thoughts and feelings as already being yours. I believe Martin Luther King Jr. said it best. “Take the first step of faith, you don’t have to see it you just have to take it”. Recognize doubt and reverse it with faith. If you think about it most inventors are not sure how they will come to make their invention yet they have faith and take that first step and beleive they chan acheive it, thus their invention becomes a reality.

Step 5 - Action

Though thinking and visualizing of what you want are very important, without proper action the creative process can not be complete. Do every day all that can be done that day in an efficient manor. Do not try to cram all that you can into a day causing you to rush. Do each action efficiently and you will succeed. You can not act in the past or future so focus your actions in your preset space.

Step 6 - REPEAT!

To really make this work for you, you have to keep doing it until it’s a subconscious act.

Summary

* Feel the feelings of gratitude.
* Thoughts become things.- So it is in your best interest to have positive thoughts and to set positive goals.
* Visualize and through the creative process it will materialize.
* Have unwavering faith that it is already yours(A Process to Success)

Success is Personal

2007-06-20T04:11:00.000+07:00

Success is a personal matter. This is true in many dimensions, such as: No one can define success for you; Only you can prioritize what is most important in your life; Only you can achieve your personal goals; Only you can decide to make a change towards achieving success. There is yet another dimension to this discussion, which is whether you should be public about your successes or whether you should keep them private. And I will add one more: should this site which is about success have a more personal touch?

Let’s review each of these dimensions in more detail:

No one can define success for you

The definition of success is a personal matter. In some cultures, especially in the western world, success is tied to money. On this site, we try to expand the definition of success to many aspects of life, including money, fitness, health, personal development, social responsibility, spiritual growth and ethics. But even this broad definition of success may not capture what is truly important to you. Don’t let anyone impose their definition of success on you, and don’t feel you have to live up to other people’s expectations of success.

Only you can prioritize what is most important in your life

In the same way that no one can define success for you, only you can prioritize what is important in your life and what you should work on. For some people money is a priority. Others think family is more important. Other people think helping others is what matters the most. Others try to find a balance for all these things. What is most important to you? Do you have a clear definition of your priorities, and spend your time accordingly?

Only you can achieve your personal goals

Once you have decided what is important to you, you need to decide how much effort you are willing to put towards achieving your goals. There are many sources of information on setting goals and achieving them, but at the end of the day, you are the only one who decides to pursue your goals.

Only you can decide to change in order to achieve success

Achieving success, even when defined in your own terms, many times requires changes. And changes are hard. You may have to change the way you think, the way you behave, the way you interact with others. Again, only you can decide to make the necessary changes to achieve whatever goals you have set for yourself.

Should your successes be public or should you keep them private?

Donald Trump loves attention. He loves to brag about his successes and how much he has achieved in life. Warren Buffett on the other hand, likes to keep his successes private, despite of the fact that he is one of the most successful investors, and one of the richest persons on earth. Being public or private is a personal choice. But it is difficult to stay private when you reach a certain level of success. The public loves to know about the private lives of successful people, and has an unhealthy obsession with celebrities. If you are a very successful person, only you can decide how much of your success you want to publicize. If you can be a role model to others, I think it makes sense to share your story. But if you want publicity just to inflate your ego, some humbleness may do you good. (Worldwide Success)

Do You Have Low Self-Esteem?

2007-06-20T04:04:00.000+07:00

You know you have low self-esteem when you always feel unworthy, uncomfortable with whom you are and what you are doing and not fitting to where you are. Self-esteem means to have a view of yourself, of your body, your mind and your capabilities.

Do not always question your worth and potential. This keeps you from succeeding in what you do. If you are not very self-confident, be aware of the fact that you are not alone in this position. There are many persons suffering from low self-esteem. It is important for you to give an honest answer to some questions to see how you think about yourself.

Do you feel strange and nervous around other people? Do you consider yourself as on a lower level than the others mentally or physically? Do you think you are not as important as other members of the family, of an association you are part of, as your colleagues? If you see the things that way, this may destroy your self-esteem. Try to get feedback about your actions or attitudes from your family, co-workers –most likely you will be pleasantly surprised to find out how they see you. Very often people with low self-esteem try to please everyone else in order to feel fitting and more adequate, but they forget about their own needs. And it is exactly these own needs that you need to focus on in order to get a better self-esteem.

Other questions you need to find the answers to, are: Are you dissatisfied with your looks? Do you always try to look better? These questions more often apply to women and young people and usually have their origin in comments made by friends, schoolmates or family members. These comments make you think of particular qualities you did not know you had or point out something you never thought about. They might cause obsession for certain things, which can turn into serious problems. They can be linked to appearance, weight or certain characteristics.

Do you often make jokes about yourself? Are you trying to make fun of yourself to make he others laugh? Many people with a low self-esteem talk about their weak points. They discuss these aspects of their personality rather than focusing on the positive. They express what bothers them instead of concentrating on all the other positive things they have. Today’s society brought us so far that even the most beautiful person strives for something better. So don’t worry that you are left alone with a problem like this. Try to see your good parts before you analyse the ones you do not like. If you see that you fall deeper and deeper in obsessions of any kind and you cannot help yourself any more, you might consider professional help. If others like you, why shouldn’t you like yourself? You need to feel comfortable in your own skin; you need to learn to live with yourself. Do not ignore low self-esteem but try to get over it. (Better Living)

Break The Unthinking Habit

2007-06-18T02:24:00.000+07:00

The way the human mind works is filled with paradoxes. We think in order to solve problems, but then once the problems are solved we stop thinking about them because we feel there’s no need to think about them any longer. We file the problem away in a drawer labeled “solved”. It could be said that the whole reason we think about stuff is so that we can stop thinking about it. This can be a good thing… it also has its drawbacks

Computer technology is an amazing thing. Tasks which once took up piles of brainpower can now, with the help of a few processors smaller than the size of a thumb nail, be completed with the push of a few buttons. Take flying an aircraft. To get that huge piece of metal from one point of the globe to another takes hundreds of calculations regarding speed, altitude and direction. Years ago it would have required the full-time attentions of a pilot and navigator, armed with paper maps and keen eye, and, if the flight was a long one, a good supply of coffee, no doubt.

But no longer. Now the main job for the pilot and his crew is to get the plane up in the air and bring it down safely. Between those two tasks—each needing a high skill requirement, I’m sure—the crew can simply monitor the computer systems which keep the plane on course. Everyone has heard the name for this system. It’s called autopilot. And we use it to describe the state of doing stuff without thinking.

Zombie walk

In this way, the human brain is like that on-board computer system. Our brain automatically does much of the mundane work for us in our daily lives, and we often carry out tasks requiring some skill level without thinking about it. Everyone has had the experience—in fact I have it most mornings—of finding a cup of coffee ready-made for us without the recollection of going through every part of the process of making it. (And no, that doesn’t mean your partner did it for you :-) ) Somehow we filled the percolator with water, put in the coffee, let the machine do the job, poured our caffeine-shot into the cup and added the milk without realizing it. Sometimes we even drink the stuff without it making much mental impression, though with a decent strength brew that’s not something that happens too often. Driving a car is another example. Once we get good at it, we do much of the work without having to think about it at all, especially when the route is well-known one.

All this shows us the amazing power of the brain, this ability to do stuff without us putting in effort at all. And it’s a good thing, in many cases, this doing things on autopilot. What’s the point of using up huge resources of brain power to do something when we can do it without thinking at all? Once we know how to solve a problem, or worked out how something works, we can forget about it, leaving our mind to concentrate on something else—usually another problem we need to solve. Eventually we rely on habit to do a lot of stuff. We just do it without thinking.

Snap out of it

This way of thinking—or non-thinking to be more precise—does have its negative side. Although it’s fine for simple stuff like making the morning coffee or programming the DVD recorder—though that’s something I haven’t quite got the hang of yet—it can be a real drawback when it comes to dealing with larger areas of our life such as our finances, our relationships, our careers. These really do require constant attention, and just can’t be run using habit.

If we don’t make an effort to break the habit of “set and forget” in these areas, what tends to happen is that we leave things to run on autopilot. We begin to treat these larger areas of our life in much the same way as making a cup of coffee. We turn it into a process, and do it the same way for years because it tastes OK. Then one day we wake up to find that whole areas of our life haven’t been attended to for months or even years. Our personal finances are in a mess. Our health isn’t too good. Our career has stagnated. Our business isn’t really doing as well as we want it to…

We need to constantly look at these areas to make sure they are working optimally. We need to check which parts are in need of attention. We need to move away from the habit of solving something and forgetting about it, of working on autopilot—and into a habit of regular checking. Note that it’s regular checking, not constant checking. We don’t need to check these areas constantly, and neither do we need to become paranoid about them. We just need to check them once in a while to see where they are heading. If they are fine, we can forget them again—go back to autopilot. If not we can work on putting them on the right course—and then go back to autopilot with the new direction.

Make time to check your direction

I’ve found that the best way to do this is to set a time to look at your life and have a set way to check each part to see what’s working and what isn’t—or at least isn’t working as well as it could. This takes some planning, but it’s well worth the effort, since the rewards are a constant improvement to the way we do things—and a way of meeting our goals. (You do set goals don’t you? :-) )

Here’s how to do it.

Divide and rule
The first thing to do is break down the areas of your life into segments. These may well overlap—and probably do—and an improvement in one will probably cause knock-on improvements in the others. But for this purpose to see them as clearly defined areas is fine. The four main areas that I like to look at are: finance, health, family and relationships, and business. You may have others, but for me these four are pretty much the main concerns.

So first we have to choose which areas to focus on—and then which areas within those broad areas are the most important. An example of a broad area might be your finances. Within that area might be your mortgage, your credit card spending, and monthly bills that disappear from your bank account without you thinking about them. Another example of a broad area might be your relationships, with sub-areas being your relationship with your children, your partner, or your friends.

Choose how often
Overall, the thing to remember is that if you don’t look at something for a while, there will usually be a problem. To get into a habit of constantly checking our habits to see which ones are useful and which aren’t, we have to set a time. So once you’ve chosen the areas that need attention, set a time to have a good look at what is working in that area and what isn’t. In order to be able to do this you need to have set goals. If you don’t set goals, then you need to make this a priority. We can’t know whether or not we’re on course if we don’t know where we’re going.

For me, I set goals at the beginning of each year. From these I set quarterly goals, which forces me to review these areas of my life every three months. I merge the review sessions with a planning session—the review sets the basis for the planning for the following three months. I set a specific date for the first quarterly session, and when that’s completed, I set the date for the next one. This setting a time to check our lives may seem at odds with emotional stuff like relationships, but relationships are formed through the things we do—the time we spend with a partner, our families, and our friends. If we don’t make a conscious effort to do those things, the emotional side can wither and die.

But—as I’m sure you’re aware—setting a date is one thing, and actually keeping it is another… and doing the right thing on that date is something yet again… Which means the phrase to bear in mind is…

Be brutal, be brutal…
Honesty is a commendable quality, but it’s often lacking when we come to look at our own performance. We gloss over the failings and give ourselves a lot of room for maneuver. In short, we make excuses. Sometimes there are good excuses—things that just couldn’t be foreseen pop up out of nowhere to knock us off course—but much of the time we are being easy on ourselves. In these review sessions, that isn’t good enough. The whole point of having these sessions is to be honest.

Remember the movie The Producers? In it there's a scene in which Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom go to see the director they’ve chosen to make the show a flop, and they find him wearing an evening gown he intends to wear at a dinner party. He asks for their opinion with the words: “Be brutal, be brutal, for heaven knows they will…”

That’s what’s needed. Brutality… with yourself… How are you doing in the area of your life under scrutiny? How is it developing in relation to your goals? Your goals should set specific targets for achievement, even if the achievement is having more time off instead of working yourself into the ground every day. So if you’ve decided that you need to work on your family life, and have made a commitment to, say, go out with your family at least every other Sunday—even if only to a restaurant for coffee and ice-cream (though this maybe isn’t a good idea if you’re trying to lose weight)—then you can say categorically whether you’ve achieved it or not.

This isn’t to say that you should beat yourself up over the fact that an area of your life isn’t going in exactly the right direction, or that you didn’t achieve a goal. Self-flagellation has always seemed hard work to me. This practice of taking stock is simply a tool—like those navigation instruments on aircraft—which enables you to check where you’re going and make changes as needed.

But overall, this forcing yourself to look closely at areas of your life can be a real eye-opener. Things you thought were running smoothly aren’t running smoothly at all. Even worse, those things can be a real drain on resources. One area where this is often true is our finances. We have subscriptions to magazines that we never read. We’re members of clubs that we never use (especially the gym…). And so on… Taking a good look at our finances regularly and seeing which things are not “working”, or which are useless can really help to improve our lives. Simplification is one of the best things we can do…

If an area of your life really is working, leave it alone. But more often than not—when you first begin to do this at least—you’ll find that a certain sub-area—or even a whole area—isn’t working too well at all. If at all… You probably thought it was working, because you were working on autopilot. But you were using autopilot for things which really shouldn’t be done on autopilot—like landing and taking off.

So that’s the problem!

If you haven’t achieved something you set out to do, or if you find an area of your life isn’t moving in the direction you want it to, you need to ask yourself—with the same brutal honesty—why. And try to do it without blaming other people, no matter how difficult that may seem. What could you have done that you didn’t? Why did you not stick to that commitment you made?

Many people will shy away from this kind of honesty with themselves. But without it our lives can easily veer off course—and we don’t realize it until it’s too late.

Those on-board computer systems are the best technology available. But the pilot and navigator still have to check those systems once in a while to make sure the plane is on the right course. We should too. Autopilot is a great thing, but a good hard look at its processes once every now and again can do us a world of good—and make sure we really are on our way to the correct destination.

Take a look at the main areas of your life and see which ones—if any—have been moving along on autopilot. You might be heading the right way. You might be a little off course and just need a fine adjustment. You might be way off course, and need a major adjustment in order to get where you want to go. But the thing to bear in mind is, if you don’t look, you won’t know.

Moving In The Right Direction

2007-06-18T02:23:00.000+07:00

Here’s something which you might have had happen to you.

You set out to achieve something, but then constantly feel that something is lacking in your life. Even when the goal is reached, the sense of satisfaction still eludes you. Even worse is when you set a goal but then can’t seem to find the motivation to move towards it. No matter how much you try, there just doesn’t seem to be much enthusiasm for making progress. Then you start to question why you don’t have any motivation, and maybe begin to think that it’s just because you are lazy or lack drive.

There might be some truth in that, though truly lazy people often are too lazy to even think that they might be lazy. :-) The problem is often not that you are lazy, but simply that the goal isn’t one that you really want to achieve. You might have chosen a goal that someone else wants to achieve.

The problem lies in the fact that you don’t know what you want. Or rather you don’t know what your values are—and therefore can’t choose what you want. Knowing your values is like knowing what kind of food you like. Once you know that, you can choose which restaurant you want to go to. If you don’t know which food you like, you might go to a restaurant that has been recommended to you, but then find that there’s nothing on the menu you want to eat.

Once you know your values you can ignore goals and ambitions which don’t fit in with your values. If you like action and adventure, then setting a goal to pass an exam which will enable you to get a job in a safe but dull office job will be pointless. You simply won’t have the motivation to reach the goal, no matter how much energy and drive you have. Conversely if you like a life of quiet routine, then setting a goal to become a coastguard, a life out on the open sea in all weathers, probably isn’t going to do it for you.

The bottom line is that if you have no idea what you want, it’s no wonder that you don’t have any motivation to achieve anything. Once you find what you want, you’ll find motivation easier to come by.

Knowing what your values are means you can stop striving for things that don’t really matter. It’s a problem for many people, and one which leads nowhere.

As Don Marquis finely put it:

“Ours is a world where people don’t know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it.”

Chasing Personal Development

2007-06-18T02:21:00.000+07:00

What is personal development anyway? Why are we so keen in becoming personally developed? How do we measure this progress? I remember a story: some years ago, a new boss was appointed, he came and asked me what are my training needs. I said none and then he said to me very serious: “But you should think of your personal development”. Well, I replied that I considered myself to be personally very well developed, at least for the job I had to do (I did not like that guy at all, so I could not refrain from being sarcastic almost all the time). He insisted though to send to me a seminar of Philip Kotler, which I did not attend after all, as I quit my job and went on vacation by the time it took place.�

I don’t say that chasing personal development is bad. Nor I say it is good. I think in this field there is neither bad nor good; it’s all about our desire to perfection ourselves, our desire to get liked by others, to be recognized as experts in our little corners of life. I read a bunch of so called motivational literature, some of the books were great, some others were offering patterns of living totally unsuitable with my way.

Do you know the old saying that “all roads lead to Rome”? Well, I figured out what it may be about: yes, all roads lead in the same place, but each one of us can take only one road at a time, so we spend our resources in finding out which is the best way for us, we spend our time in fears that we might have taken the wrong path, we waste our thoughts on assuming how the paths we rejected may have looked like. So, why bother? Since any of the roads leads to the same good old Rome, why trying to find the best one? They all are the best. And there are so many crossroads on the way, that instead of looking back, we would better focus on the next crossroad and leave everything that’s past behind. The crossroad I encounter in this very moment is all that matters. Now and only now I’m making the history.� You may say that there are situations in which you have no choice. I fully disagree with this. There is always a choice, we choose in any moment how we want our life to look like. What if I was attacked by thieves? My only choice to get alive would be to give them my wallet, wouldn’t it? No, I still see a few other choices here, such as joining their gang and becoming their leader in a couple of months. Or climbing the nearby tree, then jump on the roof of the nearby house, get down on the chimney and tell the people in the house that you are Santa Claus suffering from Alzheimer and this is why you came in May, without your gifts bag.�

That’s my point, now focus on your next crossroad and drop me a message if you found this useful somehow for your personal development?

Make Your Own Future

2007-06-18T02:19:00.000+07:00

Today’s little light of inspiration comes from a quote by Alan Key. For those of you who don’t know who he is, it’s enough to say that he’s a pioneer in the technology field. And although the quote does relate mainly to technology, it can, like a lot of good sound bites, relate to many other areas too. The quote is one you might have already heard. But if not, here goes:

“The best way to predict the future is to create it.”

Essentially, the whole concept of the quote is one concerning the nature of time. We look at the future as this hazy amorphous mass somewhere “out there”. It’s a foreign country, the future, like the past as mentioned in the opening lines to the novel by LP Hartley, The Go-Between. “The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.”

But hazy though the future may be, it’s form, especially on a personal level, will be dictated largely by what we do today. When we think of the future as something outside our control, we fall into the trap of thinking that what we get out of life is largely due to chance, that we “get what’s coming to us”, when actually we get the results in the future of what we made today.

Thinking of the future as largely out of our control is to also fall into the trap of wasting time today. We think that a few minutes spent today will have little or no effect on what happens tomorrow, or next month, or next year. Actually, a few minutes spent today might make tomorrow better. And a few minutes spent tomorrow—which is now today :-) —might make the next day better too. And so it goes…

We sometimes think that by doing nothing, we are somehow cheating time, and that we can wait for a better time to do the things we want to do. But the time will pass no matter what you do, so you may as well do it to move towards that better future you’re dreaming about. This is the basis of good time management.

Think about it… What can you do today that will increase the chance of a better future for you and for others? Take just five minutes to think about it. Then do it. Go on, predict the future. The future is closer than you think.

Constant Personal Development

2007-06-18T02:15:00.000+07:00

Constantly improving our skills is hard work, but the rewards are greater than the effort. Here’s why training is important, and how you can get the best from it

One of the things I learned from practicing martial arts was the concept of training in order to do things better. This seems like common sense—of course we train to do things better—but what can easily happen is that we keep doing the same training over and again, expecting to get better, when what we need is not just training, but constant improvement in our training.

In the martial arts—especially in karate—this is done by structuring the training into a formal system that teaches the basics and then ever more complicated moves until the student acquires competency. Sometimes the movements being taught don’t seem—to the student at least—to have anything to do with the other moves. But then the student learns a more complicated move and finds that one of the basic moves is needed to complete a more complicated sequence.

In Japanese, the moves are called kata, and mean literally “form”. It’s a way of keeping the student on his toes and ensuring he keeps moving forward. In some ways this relates to the concept of Kaizen—a concept used by Japanese companies (and now companies from many other countries) which teaches that small incremental improvements will eventually lead to a big improvement, or a market advantage.

Sounds good… But how can we use this in our self-development?

By understanding that this concept of constant improvement doesn’t only relate to martial arts or to company performance, that’s how.

It can be used on a personal level as a way of inspiring you to achieve greater things, as a tool to increase your motivation and to help in keeping your personal development on track. This can encompass improvements in anything from your social skills, your career, your finances and even your relationships.

Goal achievement

In the end, this boils down to goal achievement, and if we want to take goal achievement seriously, we have to embrace the concept of constant improvement. Even when no structured training program exists, this method can still work wonders. You just have to design your own training program or at least keep setting fresh goals in order to give you something to aim for. We are talking about self-development after all. :-)

The big question is: where to begin?

Getting started

Getting started on your training is the hardest part—and a big cause of this problem is that you simply don’t know where to start. Even if you know which area of your life you want to train—your finances, your relationships, whatever—it’s difficult to get started because of a paradox. You know what you want to train in, but you don’t know which areas within that subject you should concentrate on. So the end result is that you need to begin, but can’t because you don’t know where to. At this point you’re so incompetent you don’t know how incompetent you are.

The only way round this dilemma is to take the simple solution—advice I’ve found to be sound in many situations. Just start. Just jump right in and start to train. This can mean finding a class in whatever subject interests you, or buying a book on the subject, or maybe just reading an article on a website—much like you’re doing now. If you’re training your mind—by learning how to invest money wisely, for instance—this will give you some idea of what you don’t know… and what you do. If you’re training in some physical discipline, such as martial arts, you’ll find what you can do and what you can’t. This enables you to pinpoint your weaknesses and work on them. You might have good balance, but have a body which is not supple. So you’ll need to do a lot of stretching to get the body in shape. You might be supple, but lack physical strength, so strength-improving exercises will be the way to go.

It might be a case that you’re weak in all areas, but until you actually start the training, you just don’t know what it is that you don’t know.

For instance, about a year ago I made the decision to learn how to earn money online. At that time I hadn’t a clue about how to do business online and so didn’t have any strong areas at all. I knew how to use a computer, sure, but most of the terms used on the Internet were utterly foreign to me. I didn’t even know how many ways there were to earn money online—and believe me there are a lot.

But it was only after I started looking at the possibilities and began to learn a little bit—by buying a few ebooks, visiting forums and stuff—that I learned what it was I needed to know. I had to cut through a lot of garbage—and believe me there’s more garbage talked about earning money online than there are ways to earn money online—though until I’d experienced it I didn’t know how bad it actually was. Without it I couldn’t get to the real stuff. It showed me what I didn’t know but needed to in order to start moving forward.

First I decided that my main business model would be to build websites for advertising and affiliate income. Once I’d decided that—the first part of my training—I could work on tailoring my training program to suit me. Then I began to look around only for those opportunities which fitted well with the approach I’d chosen.

The first thing I did was join a forum where a lot of people who were already making money online discussed things. Through asking questions there I found a lot of good information, and that included the fact that you don’t need to be a computer whiz—a geek, if you like—to have an online business. Just a basic understanding is enough, especially in the beginning. Most of the stuff is a black box—you don’t need to know how it works… only that if you press a few buttons it does the job. Incidentally, this is one of the great benefits of just getting started with your training—you often find that you need to learn much less than you thought you did.

Within a few months I knew how to build a website from scratch, load it onto a server and get it live. I also knew the basics of growing links to my sites in order to promote them, plus various other methods of website promotion such as article marketing. I built a few sites and within a few months the first few dollars had started to come in.

Taking training further

Once my small network of sites was up and running and bringing in at least some income, I looked around for ways I could train further. One of them was to join a membership site that taught advanced techniques for getting the most out of your websites—and how to build more sites which would bring in more income. This meant more work, and the rewards won’t be seen for a few months, but I’m keeping in mind that the rewards will be worth it.

I also started this blog just a few weeks ago as an eventual alternative income stream to my network of smaller sites and a possible way of promoting some offline business ideas I have. (One of the things my constant training—and not only training as regards the web—has taught me is the importance of a diversified income) This blog is an absolute freshman on the scene, but it’s already seeing some traffic and is well-ranked in the search engines for some phrases. Maybe you got here by searching for one of them.

The notable thing is that until just a few weeks ago I didn’t know a thing about blogs, and the reason for the half-decent start is that in order to get the thing up and running as quickly as possible and in a way which ensures the promotion is done properly I paid for… you guessed it… training.

Really, you can’t beat training…

Still training

Although I know enough to move forward, I’m still learning. I still consider myself a beginner—and always will. There’s always something new to learn—another reason why constant training is important. I currently subscribe to two membership sites, both run by top notch people in the industry of online income. Every day I soak up some new knowledge which will help me expand my business or which shows further avenues for training. The next steps will be to hire some freelance staff to help me with my smaller sites, and to keep growing this blog. The fact that you’re reading this blog—you are reading it aren’t you?—shows I’m at least moving forward in that area…

Why constant training works

The reason that constant training works is that as you get better, your life gets easier. This has a tendency to increase your motivation, which leads to the desire to train more, which increases motivation….

chess setThe important point to remember is that you need to keep pushing yourself slightly beyond the boundaries of what you’re capable of. Doing stuff you can already do means your progress stops dead. If anything, it has a tendency to make you slip back, because you could lose motivation.

As you keep moving through your training program, you keep raising the bar, so that what was once extremely difficult becomes easier and easier as time goes on. In my martial arts classes I remember first doing the basic moves and feeling as though my feet were glued to the floor. But after a few months those basic moves had become second nature and I didn’t have to think about them at all. They’d become a subconscious habit. The movements hadn’t changed; only my ability to perform them had.

It’s the same with any area of your life. When I first began to look at earning a living online I was so incompetent in the area it was unreal. I read an interview with an expert about website building and web promotion and for all practical purposes didn’t understand a word of it. For the most part it was as though the guy was speaking in a foreign language. What is an RSS feed? What does pinging mean? And how do you do it? And does it do you any good? Help!

I can laugh now—well, shake my head at the craziness of it—but at the time I sort of held my head in my hands and the words just seemed to swim about on the page. I really was so incompetent I didn’t know how incompetent I was. Now I can hardly remember what it was like to NOT understand those terms. Now I can improve my understanding of the way the web works with less effort—which in turn means I can make my life in this area easier again…

Work on your weak points

The whole point of training is to do in private what will help you in public.

In order for you to do this, you need to work on your weak points. But before you work on your weak points, you need to know what they are, and the way to discover your weak points is to monitor your performance outside of the training. Your performance outside of training is not training—your performance is a way to see what needs to be improved.

The martial art I studied was one-of-a-kind, a mixture of traditional Japanese karate and western boxing. It trained several kick-boxing champions (though not me among them, I must admit), and the reason it was so successful was that the instructors changed the system if they thought it could be improved. Whenever a fight was lost, the reasons were analyzed and the training changed to incorporate new techniques. Then those who competed at championship level trained hard with the new techniques, making it much less likely that they would lose the next time. The new techniques might be used rarely, but when a situation arose that needed that technique—and the situation almost certainly would arise at some point—the training already had it covered.

It’s true that if you train hard you can fight easy. Or at least easier.

Training in one area makes
you better in other areas too

Training doesn’t help you only in the area you train in. It improves other areas of your life. For instance, as part of my martial arts training, I learned how to do stretching exercises. This makes the muscles supple, which makes movement easier in everything you do. Walking is easier, climbing stairs is easier, which means you get less tired—which means more energy in general.

Even if the training is in something intangible—such as improving your finances—it can still have beneficial effects, since the good feelings about your finances will seep into other areas of your life and make improvements there. If your finances are in better shape, you’ll probably feel better, which means you’ll do better in your job, which means more money, which means another improvement in your finances…

In the end, training is never wasted. I no longer practice that martial art because I now live a long way from the place where it’s taught and I’d have to spend over a day traveling to get there… But that training is still with me, in an appreciation of what can be achieved by training… and the fact that I still do those stretching exercises…

Getting better has its rewards

Training yourself in new skills will bring rewards—and often monetary rewards at that. The reason that people with expert knowledge can be paid so much is because they are paid for their knowledge and not their time. There’s an old story about a ships engineer who retires. The new engineer joins the crew and the ship sets sail. A few days at sea and the engines begin to make a terrible noise. Everyone spends days analyzing the engines but can’t find the problem. Eventually the old engineer is called out of retirement to see if he can help. He agrees, but says it will cost $10,000 to solve the problem. He comes on board ship and listens to the engines for a moment, then places a heavy kick to the control panel. The noise stops immediately. As he collects his $10,000, one of the crew says: “$10,000 for five minutes of your time is incredible.” And the old engineer replies: “I didn’t get paid $10,000 for five minutes of my time. I got paid $10,000 for knowing where to kick.”

Training certainly pays, and you should always remember that…

You are not alone

Well, OK, you are… but not quite. You have to decide which areas you want to train… and you have to actually decide to do the training… and you have to do most of the work. In the end, your progress depends entirely on you.

But the good news is that most things have already been worked out for you.

My math teacher maintained that there were no real mathematicians anymore, and had a favorite saying when the class thought the subject was becoming too difficult. “We’re not mathematicians,” he would say decisively. “The ancient Greeks worked all this out and wrote it down. All we do is copy them.”

Its advice I’ve always remembered, and in building my web skills, you could say that I’m doing that—though it’s less following the ancient Greeks and more following the modern geeks. :-)

What it boils down to is that whatever area of your life you want to improve there are books you can read, courses you can go on, people you can pay to help you attain the knowledge you need. Most of the heavy lifting has already been done. In some cases all you need to do is ask and people will give advice, sometimes for the best possible price—free.

Start now… Because we shall
never see this day again…

Getting started can be difficult, but once you start to do something it gets easier. You get into the habit, and it becomes difficult to stop. Once you begin, you find that it gets easier to keep going, especially when you start to see improvements and success—which you surely will. Bad habits are hard to break, but so are good habits. Make good habits of improving yourself and pretty soon you’ll find it difficult to not improve yourself.

How to get going

Choose an area of your life that you would like to improve—and then do something about it. Make a decision to work on that area for the next few months, or years if it’s a major area in need of major improvement.

Find people who know what they are doing, and get advice. Libraries are full of it. The internet is full of it. The main thing is to just get moving.

Once you’re moving you’ll see what it is you really need to do. You’ll know what it is you really lack. Then you can tailor the training to what you really need. But until you’re moving you can’t see where your weaknesses lie. Eventually you can move toward an area where the skill becomes part of your everyday life, something you can do with practically no effort. When you were a child and first began to learn to read, you probably struggled over a lot of the words. But after a while you became more fluent, until eventually reading just became second nature, enabling you to read without much effort at all, including words on a computer screen—a training program which, for instance, enabled you to read this article.

You’ve been through training before. Why not do it again?

And again…

Your Will Power

2007-06-17T20:07:00.000+07:00

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
Lao-tzu

Break things up and take smaller bites. If you continually take the big bite and can't swallow you will not get anywhere. Any thing you wish to accomplish will be easier if you break it into it's smaller components and take them on one at a time. Sounds simple and it is. However it requires effort, awareness and control to accomplish.

You are not your thoughts. That's a comment I have made to you before. However, for the 'real you' to shine through you need to have command of your thoughts.

The collection of your thoughts and their strength and ability to manifest what the real you desires, is called your will.

Will is your personal power. Your will is the collection of your thoughts. Your thoughts if you have a strong will, enable you to manifest what you desire.

To put it bluntly, you get what you want if you use your will. Many people have not developed their will. In fact many people create situations that weaken their will.

One of the easiest and simplest ways to strengthen your will is to set and attain a goal.

Boring you say, we have already covered this! Let's go a little deeper.

Everytime you have a thought that goes along the lines of -

"I will do ..."

"I am going to..."

you are actually setting a goal. In other words anytime you say to yourself I am going to do something no matter how small that something is, you are goal setting.

It's like making an appointment with yourself.

"Next week I will..."

The question to ask yourself is do you do it? Do you keep the appointment?

It's interesting to observe that most people keep appointments with others yet break the appointment they make with themselves. This is an indicator of your self respect.

It's your thoughts that create your goals and targets whether you consciously have a part in them or not.

Remember we have already covered that the average person has 50,000 thoughts per day. That's about 2 thoughts per second. Most people are only aware of a few of their thoughts.

Here's the important bit. Everytime you do NOT follow through and attain your goal you are weakening your personal power.

Everytime that you follow through you are strengthening it.

The first thing to do is to be conscious of what you promise yourself and other people. Don't promise too much.

I know, I am an advocate of shooting high when it comes to goal setting. However if you consciously examine your thoughts I believe that you will find you are promising too much.

You need to focus on less to achieve more.

Here's are some easy examples,

1. A gentleman I know wants to exercise more. He has trouble exercising once per week and he has many late nights. He sets himself a target of a grueling workout every morning before work. It never happens but he continues to set this goal.

2. A salesman I met believes that he can earn a fortune selling his product. He has a small established client base and has trouble making cold calls. Everyday he promises himself that he will make 30 phone calls. His best day so far is two.

3. I have a client that is disorganized, he has hundreds of small jobs to do. They are not high on his list of priorities and they never seem to get done. He promises himself everyday that he will clean up. He never has time.

All three scenario's have a multitude of solutions but we are only discussing the thought process and how it effects your will.

In all three examples the people are disempowered. In order to build strength of will you need to start with a smaller target and work on achieving it.

One gym workout per week in the afternoon for a period of time. Four phone calls per day, everyday. One small task from your low priority list per day.

Build a habit and look for consistency. Strengthen your will. One small step at a time. Then look to the sky to achieve your dream.

7 Great Ways To Reduce Stress Immediately

2007-06-17T20:02:00.000+07:00

Stress Management.

Here are 7 great ways to reduce stress immediately. (and one extra special one at the end)

1. Breath slowly and deeply.

Often shallow fast breathing causes unnecessary stress. This is one of the easiest stress management techniques around.

2. Do less.

It easier than you think to eliminate all the useless things from your life. This frees up time and energy.

3. Take care of your body with exercise.

Go for a walk now. Play some tennis with your friend or just kick a ball with your kids.

4. Take a break.

Time out from what you are doing has enormous benefits. A short break is refreshing and can give you a new perspective. Take 5 minutes now.

5. Learn to meditate.

This is a stress management marvel. It relaxes your body and mind.

6. Reduce noise.

Turn off the radio and television, even the noise from a computer has an impact. Sit in silence now.

7. Get distracted.

Distract yourself with something you love. Go to the movies or do the gardening.

5 Time Management Techniques

2007-06-17T19:59:00.000+07:00

I am often asked about time management techniques. People often tell me that they don't have time for themselves, in fact they just don't have time. I am often asked how do I get more time for myself?

The answer is simple.

First and foremost, there is no such thing as you having less time than anyone else. We are all allocated the same number of minutes in a day. It's a question of what is most important to you. I hear people say "I haven't got time to do ..." That's an incorrect statement. You do have time. The fact is that you have placed another task higher in order of importance.

Here are some things you can do to free up your available time.

1. Priority. Give priority to what's important. Decide what's important and what's not. Do that which is important first. When you have finished then you can start on the unimportant tasks.

2. Say NO. When people ask you to do something say NO. You can't do everything. For some people it's very hard to say "NO" to other people. You might feel obligated to do something or you might be unable to say no. You need to examine why you do this and what is your 'true' motivator.

3. Delegate. If you are able to delegate something, do so. Delegation will free up an enormous amount of time. This includes paying someone to do something. Ie: If you pay someone to mow the lawn you get more time to spend with your family on the weekend. If you run a business this is especially important otherwise you will not be able to grow.

4. Handle Things Once Only. If you pick something up and start to think about it - finish the job now. Don't put it down just to pick it up again later. An example is tidying up. If you pick something up, put it away in its proper place NOT on the table out of harms way where it needs to be handled again later. Doubling up wastes time.

5. Make Yourself A Priority. This is the big one when it comes to time management techniques. I can't give you a short answer here. If you are constantly putting others ahead of yourself. If you find yourself doing tasks for others ahead of your own, you need to examine your belief systems and your self esteem.

10 Great Tips For Your Personal Development

2007-06-17T19:55:00.000+07:00

Make A Personal Development Plan.

Personal development is a very broad topic and can encompass anything that involves your transformation as a person. It means becoming the best you can be and reaching towards your potential. When you become a 'better' person than you were yesterday (this does not mean better than another person) your life and it's circumstances improve. This is usually achieved by looking internally and then changing the way you act externally.

When it comes to doing something planning what you intend to do is essential. Writing down what you want is the first step. It's no different when it comes to your personal development. Plan for it. Keep it brief and monitor what happens. Write down the results in a diary. Writing down what you want and what you get clarifies your thought process and cements your intention. You are allowed to change or adjust your plan whenever you wish. If there is no success as you follow the steps in your plan that's your signal to review what you have done or to adjust your plan.

Here are 10 things to consider in your personal development plan.

1. Start Now
Do something about your personal development plan today. It's going to take some time to achieve lasting change so you need to start now. You can build on what you do today, tomorrow.

2. Small Steps
To make a plan you need to include steps. Break a large goal into it's smallest components. Keep the end result in mind as you focus on the smaller bite sized steps.

3. Learn From Other People
You can gain from the success of other people and you can learn from their mistakes. Your own experience is a harsh teacher so learn from the mistakes of others. If you can find a mentor or coach your task will be easier. Read as many books as you can. If you can't afford to buy books or don't want to spend the money borrow them from the library.

4. Welcome Change
The world is changing all the time. Even if you do nothing you will change by default as the world turns. There is no escape from this. If people and ideas didn't change we would all still be living in caves. Your personal development plan needs to include how you are going to change, what action will you take? Only action leads to results.

5. Take Responsibility
You are responsible for your own progress. You are responsible for what you are today and where you are today. That means it's your job to initiate the steps involved in your own personal development. If you don’t bother no one else will. It also means you own the result and no one else is to blame.

6. Be Grateful & Recognize Your Worth
Focus on what you already have. Think about how others benefit from what you do. If you improve yourself, those benefits will increase. Your personal development is for others as well as for you.

7. Think About Your Intention.
Whatever you intend eventually becomes your reality. Find your true intention before you resolve to do something and make sure you really want what you say you want. If your goal and your intention are not aligned then you’ll think up lots of excuses and all sorts of situations to prevent your progress.

8. Challenge Yourself.
Your goal/s needs to be just out of reach. If your reach for an impossible target you are setting yourself up for a failure. If you stick to what’s easy you’re denying yourself the satisfaction of achievement and only minimal change will occur.

9. Do What You Like
Its no good doing things that you don't like. Pick methods that appeal to you. Pick people to help you that you like. Make sure you are following your heart but don't run from the hard issues. They need to be addressed one day.

10. Keep Going & Never Give Up
Life works in cycles and moves to a rhythm.You will have up and downs. When you hit a slow point or things don't seem to be moving, don't give up, keep going. There is no such thing as continual rapid advancement and that means your personal development plan needs to be achievable and balanced. Find your rhythm and go with the flow. There’s no such thing as finished self-development. You can go on learning, changing and renewing for all of your life.

Here are two great personal development options.

1. The Key To Life Manual shows you how to address the root cause of all your problems. It explains exactly what to do on a path of personal development.

2. Life Coaching is the ultimate in personal development. Have an expert guide you through the process step by step. Find the solution to any problem or set back.

Happiness - Be Happy and Whole

2007-06-17T19:49:00.000+07:00

Where is your focus? For most people the answer to this question lies in the outside world. Your external focus leads to unhappiness and a continual search for an elusive and indefinable state of being. The outside world or the world around you is a mirror of yourself, your attitudes, beliefs and thoughts. The key to shaping and changing your situation is to focus on changing yourself. Look within.

Often people are searching for happiness. It is expressed as (.....) will make me happy. I will be happy when(.....). It is often material possessions and/or a soul mate that people believe will fulfill their desire and make them whole. The focus in both cases is external. Before you can form loving and intimate relationships you need to take care of and love yourself. You earn as much as your inner worth dictates, you are treated the way your beliefs allow and the perfect partner cannot be found until you acknowledge that you are perfect because your partner reflects you.

Your soul chooses to manifest into the physical body you have today, to create, express and experience. To be happy and whole you need to

1. Express and nurture yourself.

As a human being you need to express yourself. Expression means doing what you want to do, what you feel you have to do and showing the world who you are as an individual. This is often cloaked in an emotional cloud. Your path can be obscured by the powerful 'should' word. People often spend lifetimes doing what they should do as expressed by the wishes of their parents or society. "What will my parents think if I am the singer in a rock and roll band instead of a lawyer or doctor". Find what you want to do as expressed by your soul. This is how you find your power.

Living a life that denies expression and your inner feelings means that you are not nurturing yourself and that you are suppressing your feelings. Suppression gives away your power. When you give your power to others it enables them to have undue influence over you. When people have too much power and influence over you and subconsciously you are not doing what you want, you feel helpless and victimized. This causes you to be frightened and angry. Anger is a symptom of your loss of power.

The easiest way to suppress feelings is to medicate. Drugs including alcohol and the use of food are popular methods employed. Emptiness, boredom and disease are the results of this process. Not doing what you want means you are not nurturing yourself this again may manifest in the abuse of food, alcohol or sex. The substance or behavior becomes a substitute for nurturing.

2. Love yourself and accept yourself as you are.

You need to accept yourself and to love yourself as you are today. All of us have thoughts and feelings and everyone has, or has had, what they consider 'bad' thoughts. We have all done things that we are ashamed of.

There is both positive and negative in you. This is also known as light and dark. You must acknowledge and accept your dark side to become whole. No matter what you have done in the past you can change your behavior today. It is pointless to wallow in your feelings of guilt as this is based on the assumption that what you did was wrong. Your behavior always has a positive intent for you, at the time.

Acknowledgment of your dark side brings light.

Here is an exercise I read in a Louise Hay book. Stand in front of the mirror, look at yourself and say "(your name), I love and accept you just the way you are." Do this everyday.

3. Set boundaries and live within them.

Boundaries are what defines your world. Many people don't have them because

1. They have not thought about, what they want.
2. They have defined boundaries but fail to live within them.

You need to define what is acceptable and what is not, then you need to live by this.

Here is a simple example. You work for a grumpy boss. He is rude and raises his voice to you. This happens regularly and it is not important for this example how you respond. You are unhappy and express this with negative talk to your peers. Why are you unhappy? You do not live within your boundary. You understand that this is not acceptable behavior. Your boss continues because he can.

Expressing to him in a calm manner, that you do not accept and will not put up with this behavior is setting a boundary. To live within, is to take action. He may stop or you may leave and work somewhere else.

Not living within your boundaries is a major source of unhappiness.

4. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions.

The world around you is a mirror. It's a mirror of everything that you think and believe. These thoughts and beliefs are what have built your world. What you think and expect, you get. The choices that are made moment to moment in what you think and how you behave creates your world. Look around you, into your mirror and note what you wish to change. Turn the focus within and find what this is reflecting in you. Change this aspect of you. Your world will change.

Blaming others and circumstance for your situation means you are not taking responsibility and ownership of and for yourself. Again the focus is on the external. This denial of ownership leads to a victim mentality and allows you to let the world roll by and circumstance to guide you. You will feel helpless as a result.

Don't try to change the mirror. Change yourself.

You radiate with an energy and vibrate to a certain frequency. This vibration is set by the thoughts and beliefs you have, coupled with the emotions that surround you. Your vibration attracts like vibrations. This happens all the time with out you even thinking about the process. You will change when you change something in yourself and you become a different person. Your world changes automatically because it is a reflection of you.

This is a great indictor for you and needs to be embraced and cherished. It is a simple process but not always easy.

To take ownership means to acknowledge that you are responsible for who you are and what you have around you. You have a choice in everything you do.

You can change your whole life with these four simple points.

Love and acceptance. The expression of who you are. Living within your boundaries and ownership of your life. This is about your direction and needs. Be assertive, you will no longer feel helpless and you will regain control.

7 Tips For Creating A Better You

2007-06-16T16:56:00.000+07:00

I seem to lose count on how many times I've read and heard of celebrity marriages failing almost left and right. It seems strange that we often see movie and TV stars as flawless people, living the fairytale life of rich and famous.

I suppose we all have to stop and face reality; they are people just like you and I!

There are many ways to lose your sense of self-esteem despite how trivial it could get. But whatever happens, we should all try not to lose our own sense of self.

So what does it take to be a cut above the rest? Here are some of the things you can think about and improve upon throughout each day.

1. Know your purpose

Are you wandering through life with little direction - hoping that you'll find happiness, health and prosperity? Identify your life's purpose or mission statement and you will have your own unique compass that will lead you to your truth north every time.

This may seem tricky at first when you see yourself to be in a tight spot or even a dead end. But there's always at least one little loophole to turn things around and it can make a big difference in the outcome.

2. Know your values

What do you value most? Make a list of your top 5 values. Some examples could be security, freedom, family, spiritual development, and learning. As you set your goals for 2007 - check them against your values. If the goal doesn't align with any of your top five values - you may want to reconsider it or revise it.

3. Know your needs

Unanswered needs can keep you from living genuinely. Take care of yourself! Do you have a need to be acknowledged, to be right, to be in control, to be loved?

There are so many people who live their lives without realizing their dreams, and most of them end up being stressed or even depressed. List your top four needs and get them met before it's too late!

4. Know your passions

You know who you are and what you truly enjoy in life.
Obstacles like doubt, fear, and lack of enthusiasm will hinder you, but will not derail your chance to become the person you could to be. Express yourself and honor the people who have inspired you to become the very person you wanted to be.

5. Live from the inside out

Increase your awareness of your inner wisdom by regularly reflecting in silence. Become one with nature. Breathe deeply to quiet your distracted mind.

For most city slickers it's hard to even find the peace and quiet we want and need in our own home. In my case I often just sit in a dimly lit room, close my eyes and play some soft music. There's sound, yes, but music does soothe the savage beast and relieves the stress and tensions of life.

6. Honor your strengths

What are your positive traits? What special talents do you have? List three - if you get stuck, ask those closest to you to help you identify them. Are you imaginative, witty, and good with your hands?

Find ways to express your real self through your strengths. You can increase your self-confidence when you can share what you know with others.

7. Serve others

When you live sincerely, you will find that you develop an interconnected sense of being. When you are true to who you are, living your life's purpose and giving your talents to the world around you, you give back in service what you came to share with others -your spirit - your essence.

The rewards for sharing your gift with others are indeed fulfilling. This is especially true if it were to be through the eyes of a stranger who can fully appreciate what you have done to them.

Zig Ziglar states: "If you help enough people get what they want, you can have everything you want." So, in order to fulfill your dreams, help as many others as you can!

Self-improvement is indeed one type of work that is worth the effort. Work doesn't need to always be within the confines of an office building, or even in the four corners of your own room. The difference lies within ourselves and how much we want to change for the better.

25 Simple Ways to Save Yourself from Messing Up Your Career

2007-06-16T16:52:00.000+07:00

1. Don’t make promises you cannot keep.

You may be eager to make an impression. But making promises that you cannot keep is not the way to go! Let your actions speak and not your words.

2. Don’t bruise the bosses’ ego.

It doesn’t matter how cool or friendly your boss is. He is still you boss. So be careful of what you say, especially when in the company of other people.

3. Don’t make it personal.

Sometimes it may seem like your boss may be picking on you. More than likely, he is just stressed out and some of the frustration came out on you. Taking it personally will only hurt you and destroy your peace of mind.

4. Don’t worry about what other say/think.

You can’t always please everyone. No matter how well you do things there will always be someone who is unhappy with what you do. If you are constantly worried about what other will say/think about you, you will never get anywhere in your career.

5. Stop fussing over inconsequential things.

Sometimes things get too hectic. There are too many things to do and too little time to do them in. Learn to classify what is important and what can be ignored, and stop worrying about things that do not matter.

6. Don’t participate in office politics.

Every office has some form of politics going on. Try and stay away from it. If you have to participate in office politics, at least make sure you cannot be scape-goated

7. Don’t be humble. Don’t boast.

When you have achieved a goal make sure your superiors know about your contribution to the project. Find a tactful way of doing this. Nobody likes a person that boasts too much.

8. Shit happens. Don’t wait until it hits the fan before taking action.

If you are an average adult, you are likely to spend 40 to 50 years of your life in the workplace. If nothing else, then due to sheer probability you will see a couple of blowups. Make sure you respond in a timely fashion.

9. Stop blaming others for things that don’t work out.

And when stuff turns sour don’t try to find someone to fix the blame on. A person who tries to fix the blame on others will definitely make a lot of enemies. And it’s a small world out there and things are bad enough without making too many enemies.

10. Don't take your frustration out on your subordinates.

If you are a person in authority, then it is easy to take out your frustration on your subordinates. Don’t do it. An unhappy team is an unproductive team, and ultimately it reflects on your leadership.

11. Stop keeping score.

Workplaces can get quite competitive. It is fine to have a healthy dose of competition to spur you along. But don’t make it all about keeping the score. Your little ego trips won’t get you anywhere when it comes to your career.

12. Don’t open your mouth unless you can back up your claims.

Nobody likes a person that disrupts order. So if you have a bone to pick, make sure you can substantiate your claims and have corroborating allies.

13. Don’t be a complainer.

Not all work places are created equal. Some are a lot worse than others. You may have insufferable colleagues or bad working conditions. The only thing that can make it worse is griping about it. Don’t be the chronic complainer that everyone loves to hate.

14. Don’t give in to insecurities.

All of us have our little insecurities. At a work place there is likely that some people are smarter than others, which could easily bring out some of the hidden insecurities. Acknowledge it, but instead of giving in to it, find a way to deal with it.

15. Don’t get emotional.

Emotional people make everyone around them nervous. Besides, nobody wants to promote an “unstable” person. So keep your emotions to yourself.

16. Don’t look for instant gratification.

If you have been in the work force for long enough you probably know that there is no such a thing as instant gratification. Don’t take short cuts to satisfy a whim.

17. Don’t pay too much attention to what you hear on the grapevine.

There will always be rumors. For instance, stories about job cuts are a way of life in the IT industry. Don’t pay too much attention to such rumors. It will only disturb your peace of mind.

18. Don’t ever get too complacent or comfortable.

Then again, don’t ever get complacent or too comfortable in your job. If the job cuts do happen and you are a casualty, it helps to stay at the cutting edge of technology.

19. Don’t let your job define you.

Change is the way of life in today’s fast moving world. You need to be able to move along with changing winds. Don’t let your job define who you are.

20. Don’t burn bridges.

If you do change your job, remember not to burn your bridges. A good network of contacts in influential positions will certainly come in handy some day or the other.

21. Don’t foul mouth the company you work for.

Be it while you are working for a company, or at an interview looking for a new job, don’t ever foul mouth your company. I never reflects well on a person who bites the hand that feeds him.

22. Watch out for the kind of impression you make.

Your clothes, your body language, your speaking style – they all are part of your personality. Make sure your outward appearance and behavior is not sending the wrong signals and making a wrong impression.

23. Leave your political and religious inclinations at home.

Workplaces these days are very diverse. Not only do you have people from different backgrounds, you have people from different countries and different cultures. So to be on the safer side, leaver your political and religious inclinations at home.

24. Don’t take what is rightfully not yours.

That goes as much for credit for a job well done, as for office supplies! Don’t be cheap and try to grab what is not yours.

25. Finally, don’t be a perfectionist.

Yes, it is good to get things done, and get things done well. But if you are a perfectionist, you could get too bogged down on details and never get things done in time. In addition, if you let your perfectionism get out of control and start nit-picking on other people’s work, you will surely find a way to be surrounded by people who detest you. And that my friend, is not good for your career.

Motivation for Thinking People

2007-06-16T16:49:00.000+07:00

We often think of motivation as being a powerful feeling of being able to do anything, of rushing forward on the crest of a wave to a glorious future. This is not true. Motivation takes many forms, and one form of motivation can get you where you want to go just as well as another.

To many people the word “motivation” describes an extreme feeling, often of joy and power. Energetic music is playing, with fireworks going off in the background while they stand on the bows of a ship with the cool sea wind in their hair.

calm motivationIn many ways, it’s a view of motivation put across by the advertising industry. We see commercials showing people filled with energy, enthusiasm and drive, doing active sports and all that stuff—usually with that music and those fireworks going off—after taking the latest vitamin supplement. You take it, and you’ll feel like that too… and be able to do anything.

It’s also an idea of motivation that’s prevalent among certain “motivational speakers”. Go to a hysterical motivational rally—um, I mean enlightening motivational seminar—and you’ll find the same sort of stuff. Before the speaker appears there will usually be some kind of music to set a tone of excitement and expectation, sometimes coupled with images on a screen that deepen the feeling of expectation or set a light humorous tone as juxtaposition to the music. When the speaker comes on there will usually be an exhortation for the crowd to shout stuff, after which will come a quick-fire presentation to keep the adrenalin flowing, ending with more shouting of abstract words like “success” and “freedom”. The total effect is one of intoxication.
Because the words denote abstract concepts they mean different things to different people, and so are essentially meaningless. But when people are shouting and “motivated” this kind of reasoning goes out the window. All that matters is that it feels good—and that the product gets bought at the end.

There’s nothing wrong with using these techniques, but you have to make sure that they’re being used ethically, that the messages put forward through these mediums are making people’s lives better. You also have to be aware that his type of motivation is the one often used by tub-thumping religious zealots and extreme politicians, and accordingly one to be handled with care and used sparingly. For a good example of how it can be used in an unethical way watch any footage of the Nuremberg rallies…

Extreme—and very suspect—politics and religious bigotry aside, this type of motivation never really worked for me, largely because I need to have some kind of reasoned argument laid out before me in order to decide whether a process or an approach works. I think it’s the same for many people who like to think about things. There’s a suspicion—usually which bears out to be true—that shouting abstract concepts doesn’t make for real motivation.

Whenever I witnessed these types of motivational techniques in action I feel uneasy in some way. I look around at the enraptured faces and I can’t help but think: “These people aren’t thinking straight.” Thoughtful people know that these feelings may be fine for a football game or a political rally (even if the end result is less than desirable), but they just don’t cut it as a type of motivation suitable for our daily life. This is largely because the feelings engendered by this type of “motivation” are not consistent with reality.

Unreal feelings

There’s a great book called Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds. Written by Englishman Charles Mackay, it examines times in history when large numbers of people have been gripped by a delusion and lost all power to take an objective view of a situation. Among the delusions examined is The South Sea Bubble, one of the first stock market bubbles, which saw thousands of people invest the equivalent of millions of dollars in today’s currency in companies which in many cases didn’t even exist. What is surprising is the truth of the saying, “the more things change, the more they stay the same”. The book was written back in 1841, and the South Sea Bubble occurred in the early part of the 18th century. But fast forward a couple hundred years or so from the book’s publication and the world saw the same thing happen during the tech bubble of the 1990s, when thousands of investors pumped money into companies which, although they actually existed, weren’t in many cases making a dime in profits. Reality didn’t matter; only the feelings did.

A similar thing occurs when people are “motivated” by the “motivational techniques”. They go to a seminar and experience great feelings. Great though these feelings are, they are actually less to do with motivation and more to do with excitement or, in extreme cases, even hysteria. The trouble with excitement and strong passion is that these feelings are naturally ephemeral. Everyone goes through highs and lows, and especially strong feelings tend to not last too long. Then when we no longer have these feelings we can feel less motivated than we did before we had them. Many of us have had the experience of feeling “highly-motivated” at some time, only to find that the “motivation” dries up within a day or so, leaving us feeling flat and tired—in other words, unmotivated.

In the long term this is actually detrimental to our motivation, because when the feelings disappear we can feel actually worse than before we had them, and our motivation takes a nosedive. We then seek out those great feelings of excitement again, and when we can’t find them we tell ourselves that we aren’t motivated.

The limits of excitement

Is there a way round this problem? Is there a way of being motivated without giving ourselves up to ephemeral excitement and the hysterical type of motivation? There is.

Once we realize that excitement cannot last, that strong emotions soon burn themselves out, we can look at a different definition of motivation. We can look at other feelings that enable us to get things done, but which don’t have connotations of extreme passion. Many times we find ourselves getting things done without feelings of excitement, but yet take a great deal of [tag-tec]satisfaction[/tag] in doing them. Just because we don’t feel extreme passion or excitement doesn’t mean in the slightest that we don’t have any motivation. It may just mean that the motivation we have is a different type of motivation.

One of my main motivational feelings is that of peace and quiet. When I write I feel a sense of peace that I don’t get at many other times. It has nothing to do with excitement or extreme passion. It’s more to do with a feeling of meditative calm. I never imagine myself doing cartwheels across the room to get to my laptop. It’s always a quiet walk. Rah-rah and loudness doesn’t work for me. To be honest, if I waited until I got a feeling of rah-rah walking-on-air feeling before I sat down to write, I’d probably hardly write anything. In fact, I probably wouldn’t get much at all done, and definitely not washing the dishes…

A different definition of motivation

In order to find the motivation we need, we have to move away from the view of motivation as presented by the world of advertising and the rah-rah of some motivational speakers. We need to look at motivation that is right for us.

There’s always something we can use, and the type of motivation that really works for us is one which dovetails with our values. Our values are the things important to us, and they vary from person-to-person so greatly that expecting a particular type of motivation to work for everyone is like expecting everyone to like the same type of food.

If we think about our values, we may find that they include, as mine do, things like peace, tranquility, and calm. If our values do include these things, we can stop worrying when we find that the rah-rah motivation doesn’t work for us—or even gives us a headache.

It can take a while to find your values, especially when you haven’t thought about it before. The reason many people don’t feel motivated is simply because they don’t know what they want. You also have to be aware that your values will change over time—and this is perfectly acceptable and right that they do. What’s important this year may not be important next year, or in five years’ time. But we still need to ask ourselves what we want now, and be honest with ourselves.

We need to ask the simple question: “What works for me?”

When you know your values, you can cultivate an environment that works with your values and not against them. And when you are in an environment that resonates with your values, you’ll find that motivation comes as a natural consequence. Just don’t expect it to be the hi-energy-doing-somersaults type of motivation. It may well be. But the chances are that it won’t.

Despite motivation often being presented as hi-energy and passion, it very rarely is that for everyone—or even anyone. Often the motivation is something quieter and deeper. And moving away from the red-hot passion type of motivation can help you put motivation within much easier reach. And it will be the type of motivation that endures and has real value for you.

Try to think about what’s your “motivational feeling”. What type of feelings make you feel good? Then try to arrange your environment to engender these feelings. You may find that your motivation is already there, but was just looking for the right place to show itself. Just don’t expect a fanfare and fireworks. At least not immediately… :-)

Success Close to Home

2007-06-16T16:45:00.000+07:00

Looking for success? You might be looking in the wrong place. The keys to success may well be closer than you think.

The thinking goes something like this: “I am here and I’m not successful. That means I’m not successful because I’m here. And that means if I want to be successful I need to look elsewhere.”

This type of thinking doesn’t only relate to our physical location—the old “there’s just no opportunity here”—but also to what we have in our mental store—the goods stored away in the old grey matter. When we feel that we aren’t successful, we feel that the lack of success is due to something we lack in ourselves.

It’s true that we sometimes have to move to a different physical location in order to find the success we crave, but it’s not always true. If you are in a place where there just really isn’t any opportunity—though most places have more than you think—then you might have no choice but to up sticks and move. But it might be the case that you just aren’t opening your eyes to opportunities that could lead to being successful. And although there are often times when you need to learn a new skill in order to find success in some field or other, you could find that the skills and knowledge you already possess are just what you need to be successful—and the reason success has eluded you is that you just haven’t recognized those skills for what they are and put them to good use.

The trick is to stop thinking that success lies somewhere “out there” and realize that it is actually more “in here”… But in order to do this we need to change our thinking and our focus. This is something that we can find difficult, and the reason for the difficulty lies in the way the human mind works: we tend to blank out stuff which is familiar because there’s no need to think about it. Thinking can be hard work and the less we have to do, the better—or so the reasoning goes.

Familiarity breeds contempt

It could be true that familiarity breeds contempt, but you could also say that familiarity breeds blindness. For instance, I once lived in a house that been designed by an interior designer. It wasn’t that grand a house—three bedrooms, one bathroom, decent garden—but the woman who had owned the house before I did had obviously wanted to turn the place into something special. When I went to view the house I was impressed by how every room had been made to look its best. In the lounge, two of the walls had been decorated with colored panels which made the room look extremely long and spacious. In the bathroom, the wall tiles had been set at a 45 degree angle and set in a bright red grout. It wasn’t a large or luxurious bathroom, but that design touch gave it a special touch.

When I first moved into the house, I was constantly looking at—and appreciating—these design touches. In the lounge I would often look up from what I was doing and get a feeling of warm appreciation as I looked at the long panels on the wall, soaking up the regal feeling of space. Whenever I took a bath, I soaked up the sight of those tiles and the bright red grout. Living in that house was a joy.

Then one day, I just forgot about the design. It became commonplace, just a part of the background. I just didn’t notice things anymore. It was only on the rare times that I had someone unfamiliar with the house come visit that I was reminded of how great the place looked—because invariably the visitors commented on it. I would go back to appreciating the look of the place again for a few days, and then I would forget the design again and allow it to slip into the background.

Taken for granted

That’s the way it is with our surroundings, and it’s the way things are with ourselves. Our skills and experiences become so familiar that we take them for granted and don’t see that they could be used to make us successful or more successful than we already are.

We all have mental assets that we can use to put us on the road to success. One often overlooked asset that can be put to great use is your experiences. People will pay well to learn something which can save them time or a headache—or both. :-) You probably have some great knowledge that could help other people and turn yourself into a great success doing it. And today, knowledge is more saleable and easier to publish than ever before. Take this website as an example. A laptop computer and an internet connection is all that’s needed and a global audience is within reach.

And if publishing knowledge isn’t your game, you can still take your experiences and use them as a basis to start a successful business, or to move toward the success you want. But before you use your skills and experience to be successful, you need to know what they are. What’s needed is a formal assessment of your skills so that you can see what’s there. A way to do this is simply to sit down and write down what you are good at. Then do some brainstorming with each skill to see what could be made of it. Ask yourself: “What if there were people willing to pay for me to use skill X…” Or “What if people would be willing to pay to learn about my experience of Y…”

Skills and experience

Take an honest inventory every now and again—about once every six months or once a year—of your skills and experience. You’ll always find that there’s something that you do better than many other people. Remind yourself constantly of the successes you have had, and constantly be looking for the things you possess which can lead to more success.

Of course, you need to take action, to put those skills to use. But it’s essential to remember that the factors that could lead to your success are often not somewhere else—some place yet to be discovered—but right there, ready for you to use.

If you find that this self-assessment approach doesn’t work for you, look at the possibility of getting yourself a coach who can help you see talents and skills that you have and which you just aren’t appreciating. If you want to use your skills to find a better job, career counseling can help.

The next time you find yourself thinking: “How do I achieve success?” and find yourself looking “out there”, take a look closer to home. You could well be pleasantly surprised…

How to Deal With Workplace Negativity

2007-06-16T16:37:00.000+07:00

Is your workplace rife with negative vibes? Do you drag your feet to the office hoping for a sudden squall that’ll have you headed back home instead of the office where you are destined to encounter hostile colleagues? If your answer is yes, then this article is for you.

Working in an office weighed down by negativity is more common than you think. Which of us doesn’t have tales of a co-worker who refused to help even though you were just hours away from a deadline or a teammate who started an ugly rumour about you? Though negativity is usually unavoidable at most workplaces, there are some things you can do to control or influence that negativity.

Look inward

Are you part of the problem? The first thing to do when faced with a problem is to examine your role in it. Once you identify your role, it may be as simple as just tweaking your attitude or taking a more positive view. For instance, you have a colleague that pushes your buttons. Constantly griping about being over-worked or underpaid, he just gets your goat. As a result you spend the rest of the day complaining to friends and co-workers about his attitude and his negativity. In effect, you have become exactly what you thought was the problem.

So, take a step back and make a conscious decision to not let things bother you the way they do.

Communicate to alleviate

The most effective tool when it comes to combating negativity is communication. Open, honest communication can go a long way in gaining the confidence of your seniors and colleagues. When a nasty rumour about you is doing the rounds, instead of cowering behind the cubicle wall, take a more pro-active approach. Confront the rumourmongers and state your case in a confident, yet non-aggressive manner.

Pallavi Pant* has a success story. “My boss and I used to stay in the same area, so we used to travel to and from work together. Before we knew it, the rumour doing the rounds was that we were having an affair,” says Pallavi, a sales executive with a BPO. “We ignored it at first, but I asked around and finally found out that my colleague had started the rumour out of spite. So one day, I confronted her and we had it out. Granted we didn’t end up much fonder of each other but at least we had our say and now we maintain a respectful distance.”

Belling the cat

Negativity could also stem from discontent over the company’s policies. If employees are unhappy with a new policy that has been introduced or a change in one they were particularly fond of, chances are they will let the matter simmer over coffee-break conversations. The matter will be discussed in great detail and with even a few solutions thrown in, but as is usually the case, the discussion will stay just that and discontent will just fester.

But the problem here is, simply put, one of how to bell the cat. You and your teammates want a solution but none want to go up to the boss and talk the issue through. And that’s just where the problem lies.

When your team finds itself in a similar predicament, it is suggested that all those affected by the change come together and discuss the problem. Try to have a broad-based discussion, attempting to address all sides of the issue: how it affects them, the motivation behind the change and possible solutions or compromises. Once that is done, you might want to vote for one or two spokespersons who will communicate the concerns of the group to the boss or the HR department. Remember, organisations want happy employees and (more often than not) will welcome dialogue on issues or problems employees might have.

It is important, for both you and your organisation, that you make a sincere effort to control negativity in your workplace. After all, your job is a large part of what you do and if your job makes you unhappy, chances are that discontent will flow into other spheres of your life.

Steer clear

Though getting involved might help, sometimes the best strategy is to keep your distance. A negative or pessimistic colleague may just be out to gain sympathy or attention. Don’t let it bother you. It takes all sorts, and you’d be better off focussing on the positive people around you than let one sourpuss bring you down.

“One of my colleagues would see the down side to everything,” says Meghna Nagpal*, who works at a call centre. “Whether it was team get-togethers or the temperature in the office, the world was just against her! At first I’d try and talk to her, get her to see the lighter side of life. But most times I’d just get dragged down myself. So, after speaking to friends, I just decided to stay away from her. I realised I couldn’t change the way she felt and instead I was letting her grey mood bring me down.”

So don’t be just another sad face in the crowd. Remember, only you are responsible for the way you feel. Don’t be afraid of what your colleagues will think of you if you take the lead. As long as your motives are clear and your methods honest, chances are you will win them over in the end while making your office a more positive place to work in.

If you been subject to negativity at work or even in your personal life, and if you have battled it effectively, we want to know about it. Share your experiences and advice with other readers.

By Shifra Menezes

Thought Power

2007-06-13T03:49:00.000+07:00

No brain is stronger than its weakest think. (Thomas L. Masson, 1866 ~ 1934)

What do you think about thinking? Most of us probably think we do a lot of it, but we don't. True, for most of us, there is an endless stream of chatter drifting through our consciousness. But self-talk isn't thinking. It's just commentary. It's just an automatic regurgitation of opinions and beliefs. That automatic commentary is often negative. It weighs us down and impedes our progress.

By thinking I mean the conscious formulation of ideas. Thinking suggests deliberate thoughts that serve a purpose. So little true thinking takes place that it caused two great minds to make the following comments. "Most of one's life is one prolonged effort to prevent oneself thinking." (Aldous Huxley, 1894 ~ 1963). Some would argue that we avoid thinking to avoid thinking about death, but that's another subject.

As to be expected from George Bernard Shaw (1856 ~ 1950), his comment on our dislike of thinking is in a humorous vein, "Few people think more than two or three times a year. I have made an international reputation for myself thinking once or twice a week." The talented character actor and screenwriter Paul Fix (1901 ~ 1983) also put a humorous spin on the subject by saying, "The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."

When we think before we act, or consider the consequences of our actions, we can prevent a great many disasters. Thomas Secker (1693 ~ 1768, former Archbishop of Canterbury) put it this way, "Some persons do first, think afterward, and then repent forever." But it needn't be that way. We have the power to think before we act. At the very least, we can think after we act. That way if we make a mistake, we can learn from it.

One of the most powerful forms of thinking is reflection or contemplation. Simply put, it is careful thought, or thinking things through. In other words, we weigh the pros and cons or benefits and liabilities of a particular course of action. However, we don't want to overdo it. For as British Statesman Edward F. Halifax (1881 ~ 1959) said, "A person may dwell so long upon a thought that it may take him prisoner." At times, any action is better than no action. After all, if we make a mistake, we can learn from it and move on, but not to act at all is to remain frozen in time.

If you are unhappy with life, change the way you think about it. In other words, change your perspective. Change the way you see things. Learn to see the good that surrounds you. Sometimes we are so busy looking for flaws, imperfections, and problems that that is all we see. "Very little is needed to make a happy life;" taught Marcus Aurelius (121 ~ 180 AD), "it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." Doug Horton adds an interesting twist, "Life is good when we think it's good. Life is bad when we don't think."

Our thoughts are a source of power. They can ennoble us or denigrate us, generate happiness or create misery, or set us free or enslave us. Thoughts are a creative force. You see, we become good by thinking about goodness and cause trouble to others and ourselves by thinking about trouble. Sid Madwed makes a serious point in a lighthearted way in this verse, "Thoughts are funny little things, They can make paupers or make kings."

Yes, constructive thinking is a life skill that leads to opportunities and personal growth. What can be more fun than wrestling with the infinite possibilities in our midst? Or more fun than trying to figure out our role in the overall scheme of things? Many exciting adventures await those who are willing to take the time to stop and think, for the fruits of thought are decisions, actions, and results. We can multiply the power of thought by using pen and paper. For writing down our thoughts helps us to focus on them. It allows us to capture our thoughts and all the directions in which they flow. Also, our notes provide the opportunity to amplify, clarify, modify, and simplify what's on our mind. Notes also serve as records to which we can refer to once again in the future.

Another way to unleash the power of thought is to ask questions. But they need to be the right questions. Ask, "How can I solve this problem?" Don't ask, "Why did this happen to me?" Ask, "What are my options?" Don't ask, "Who or what can I blame?" Walter Duranty makes a good point, "The problem with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than their minds."

To be truly powerful, we must grasp the truth that no one or no thing has any power over us other than that which we give to it with our own negative thoughts. The miracle of thought power is this: a single positive thought can destroy an army of negative thoughts. Often, a single word is enough to change one's life for the better. For example, let's say that over several years, Tom has said thousands of times to himself, "I can't speak before large groups." But one day, through a flash of insight, he adds a single word to that sentence, saying for the first time, "I can't speak before large groups YET." That one word changes the meaning of the sentence so it now means, "I CAN speak before large groups WITH PROPER TRAINING." So, Tom enrolls in a public speaking course or joins Toastmasters International, taking the first steps to transforming his life. Can you see how changing our thoughts changes our lives and changing the way we look at things changes the world we live in. In a word, our thoughts govern our world.

Explosive power can be released when we combine the power of thought with the power of imagination. By joining the two forces, we can create our life vision and the dreams that we wish to pursue. By following our dreams, we create a life of adventure. To help us along the path to GREATNESS (title of the following poem), here are some thoughts to think about:

GREATNESS

A man is as great as the dreams he dreams, As great as the love he bears; As great as the values he redeems, And the happiness he shares.
A man is as great as the thoughts he thinks, As the worth he has attained; As the fountains at which his spirit drinks And the insight he has gained.
A man is as great as the truth he speaks, As great as the help he gives, As great as the destiny he seeks, As great as the life he lives.
-- by C.E. Flynn

What do you think? Isn't it time we thought more about thinking?

Dealing With Frustration

2007-06-13T03:46:00.000+07:00

Frustration is the negation of elation

Life is meant to be a song of joy. Whenever we reach a goal, we feel elated; we feel in sync with the song of life. But whenever we are prevented from reaching our goals, we may succumb to frustration. We may feel annoyed and irritable. But since frustration negates happiness, it doesn't make any sense to give in to it.

Frustration is an emotion that can spiral downward. Here's what I mean. Larry graduated the university and got his first good job. Now he's looking for a girlfriend. He visits clubs and dance parties in the hope of getting a date. He's frustrated by his lack of success. The frustration he experiences drains his energy and puts him in a bad mood. The next time he goes to a club or dance, he lacks enthusiasm and is feeling negative even before he speaks. Not surprisingly, he meets with further rejection. Now he finds himself sinking into a downward spiral. Before long, he may find himself weighed down with anger, little confidence, and a sense of hopelessness.

If Larry experiences severe frustration, he may feel like a prisoner. The truth is, it is the ignorance of his own freedom that is holding him captive. What is the freedom that Larry is ignoring? The greatest freedom of all, which is the freedom of thought. Larry can change his thoughts. And if he does, it will result in a change in his feelings, behaviour, outcomes, and attitude.

Frustration has two meanings. One is the feeling of disappointment that some people get when they cannot have what they want. The second meaning is the obstruction of someone's plans or efforts. Frustration in the second sense is unavoidable. That is, some of our plans are bound to be thwarted. There's nothing we can do about that. It's the nature of life. For example, the same snow that covers the ski slopes may make the roads to them impassable. So, your skiing trip may be frustrated, but YOU don't have to be. You can just shrug your shoulders and say, "That's life." Accepting life is one of the secrets of avoiding frustration.

Let's return to Larry. He's still waiting for a date. How can we help him? Well, we can teach him the law of life that states: We have to give away what we wish to receive. What is it that Larry wishes to receive? He wants to be released from frustration. He wants a date! Everything will change for Larry when he stops thinking ME, ME, ME and starts thinking YOU, YOU, YOU.

He has to turn his attention from inward to outward. Why doesn't he use the pain of frustration and loneliness that he feels to empathize with the pain of others? The solution to his problem is pitifully simple. All he has to do is find the loneliest woman in the club or at the dance and ease her pain by inviting her to dance. Once he does so, the world changes. 1) Instead of spending another lonely night, he spends a pleasant evening with a lonely person. 2) Whether it develops into a relationship or not, he boosts his and her confidence. 3) He makes a new friend. 4) He develops a more positive attitude and grows more appealing. 5) As long as he continues thinking of others, he will continue to make new friends, eventually finding the woman of his dreams.

Let's see what we can learn from two more examples. Bob is speaking in a discussion group when he is suddenly interrupted. Bob says, "Excuse me, I get frustrated when someone interrupts me while I'm speaking." "Why are you angry?" another member asks Bob. "I'm not angry; I'm frustrated," Bob answers angrily. See how a little frustration can create tension?

I'm glad some people take assertiveness training. After all, no one wants to be manipulated or controlled by others. And once they learn how to defend themselves, they'll be able to defend the rights of others. That's the positive side of assertiveness training. But there can be better approaches. You see, assertiveness can reinforce one's feelings of self-importance. For example, although Bob worded his statement properly ("I feel frustrated when others interrupt me while I'm speaking."), the real meaning was, "Excuse me, what I have to say is more important than what you have to say, so please be quiet!"

But is anything I have to say more important than what you have to say? Even if what I have to say is worthwhile, it can't be so earth-shattering that it must be said NOW. Can't it wait for another moment? Even though it may not be proper etiquette to interrupt others, when viewed through the lens of compassion, disruptive behaviour may be seen as expressions of enthusiasm or a need for recognition.

So, when I'm interrupted, I can choose to grow frustrated or to grow. That is, I can choose to grow angry or accepting, impatient or understanding, and unsympathetic or compassionate. Why don't I reserve my assertiveness for defending the rights of others? Isn't that what Christ meant by meekness? He was meek when it came to defending Himself, but rigorous in defending others. When we take the meek approach, we not only help others, but we help ourselves, for in allowing them to speak, we give ourselves the opportunity to learn.

Let's look at a second example of how someone handles frustration. Laura's friend, Diana, called hoping to gain a sympathetic ear as she aired her problem. Laura was willing to help and listened as her friend poured out her feelings. Then along comes Timmy, Laura's ten-year-old. "Mom! Mom! Mom!" he says, interrupting. As Laura strains to hear Diana through the shouts of Timmy, she feels frustrated, and an urge to scold her son rises within her. However, being compassionate, she STOPS. Meanwhile, as Diana continues venting, Laura analyzes Timmy's situation.

Then, just as Diana ends a sentence, Laura says, "I understand how you feel. But Timmy is calling me now. Let me see what he wants; then, I'll get back to you. Talk to you soon." As Laura turns to face Timmy, she wonders why he interrupts her like that. That thought then triggers a possible explanation, for she thinks he may have learned that behaviour from her. So, rather than scolding Timmy and upsetting both, she does just the opposite.

"Timmy," she says, "I think every time you want to speak to me, I interrupt you. I may be busy or thinking of something important, but that's no excuse for me to ignore you. You must feel frustrated. I want to change, but I need your help because habits are difficult to break. So, every time I interrupt you, raise your palm, like this, to signal that I need to STOP and listen. Will you do that for me, honey? Now, what did you want to tell me?"

Laura's change of tactics and change of attitude led to a change of outcome. Instead of Laura and Timmy growing upset, they are growing closer together. And she taught him how to behave, without preaching or scolding. If Timmy does interrupt her in the future at an inappropriate time, all she has to do is hold up her palm as a signal, and he will understand.

Would you like to rid yourself of frustration forever? You can if you have a big enough dream. Mother Teresa's dream was so great it dwarfed the frustration normally associated with poverty, sickness, homelessness, suffering, and death. Isn't it interesting to look at things differently and reflect on our own behaviour? If you disagree, I'll try not to be frustrated.

Controlling Your Thoughts

2007-06-13T03:44:00.000+07:00

You are no greater than your thoughts (Part 1)

Imagine rummaging through the attic and coming across an old, wooden chest. Not recognizing it, you pry open the heavy lid. After clouds of dust scatter, you peer into the chest. You’re puzzled by what you see: seeds. Thousands and thousands of seeds of every imaginable type. Some smaller than a grain of sand, others larger than a coconut. Seeds designed to be carried by the wind, or to be entangled in the fur of passing creatures, or to be transported by brooks and streams, or to be carried in the bellies of birds.

Seeds that germinate into multicolored flowers and lofty trees or poisonous plants and destructive weeds. Seeds that grow into plants that provide oxygen, food, beauty, shelter, and shade. Others that develop into plants that devour, poison, ensnare, and injure living creatures. As you close the lid, your hands tingle; you can almost feel the enormous potential contained in the chest. You realize this simple container can easily become a treasure chest or a Pandora’s Box, depending on the types of seeds it holds.

Yes, the chest represents our mind, and the seeds, our thoughts. You see, our thoughts germinate and create the garden of our life. Thousands of thoughts stream through our minds each day. We seem to think of everything, except our thoughts themselves and the role they play in shaping our lives.

As a young man, Liberace was no different. He, too, didn’t pay much attention to his thoughts. That is, until he read The Magic of Believing by Claude M. Bristol. The book changed his life and transformed Liberace into “Mr. Showmanship,” one of the biggest draws in Las Vegas and the world’s highest paid musician and pianist. Claude M. Bristol had a simple message: “Every person is the creation of himself, the image of his own THINKING and believing. As individuals THINK and believe, so they are.” Two thousand five hundred years earlier, Buddha delivered a similar message: “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. . . . What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.”

We are born with an empty chest (mind), but when we reach five or six years old, it contains thousands of seeds, which have been placed there by our caretakers. If a child is unfortunate, most of the seeds may look like this: “You’re a naughty child. Mommy doesn’t like you. You’re so clumsy. That’s a stupid thing to say. Go away now. No, I don’t have time to play with you. If you don’t go to bed right away, I’m going to spank you. Don’t touch yourself. Didn’t I tell you to stop sucking your thumb? Go in your room and study your alphabet. Sit in the corner until you learn how to behave. . . .” With seeds like that, what kind of world does the child live in? Is it a warm and cozy garden or a dark and dreary jungle?

As adults, we can operate our minds like aircraft, either manually or on autopilot. When we run our minds on autopilot, our thoughts control us. But when we use our minds manually, we control our thoughts. And when we control our thoughts, we control their outcomes, or as Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.”

So, how do we “reap a destiny?” How do we escape from the threatening jungle we live in and arrive at the Garden of Eden? How do we change our Pandora’s Box into a treasure chest? How do we control our thoughts? You may be surprised to learn that it is not difficult. If we follow a simple plan, which I will describe in the next article, we will start on an exciting adventure. On the other hand, if we don’t follow the plan, the chariot we’re riding in will either crash or not get very far because the wild stallions (our thoughts and emotions) are pulling it in different directions! However, once we tame and control the stallions, we can take our chariot to the destination of our choice. Have you ever wondered why you exist? You are here not because of what you are, but because of what you can become. Join me in the next article, so we can together continue becoming what we were meant to be.

You are no greater than your thoughts (Part 2)

In the previous article I wrote about a wooden chest stuffed with seeds of every type. I explained the chest represents our mind, and the seeds, our thoughts. The life we now lead was created by our thoughts. If we would like to improve our life, we will have to improve our thoughts. Or, as James Allen wrote, “He who would be useful, strong, and happy must cease to be a passive receptacle for the negative, beggarly, and impure streams of thought; and as a wise householder commands his servants and invites his guests, so must he learn to command his desires and to say, with authority, what thoughts he shall admit into the mansion of his soul.”

In other words, if we are to improve, we must become aware of our thoughts and control them, rather than having our thoughts control us. How do we do that? One way is by following the procedure outlined below.

1. Get a cheap pad of paper or a notebook. Spend 15 minutes, longer if necessary, to analyze your average day. What you are looking for is one hour of wasted time each day. Once you have found it, plan to use that time to work on controlling your thoughts, their outcomes, and your life.

2. Did you set aside one hour each day? If so, you are ready to begin opening the chest (your mind) and examining the seeds (your thoughts). You will need your notepad and at least an hour a day for one week. On the first day, write on the top of page one, “What do I think of myself?” Next, carefully and neatly list everything that comes to mind. For example: “I am attractive. I am overweight. I am shy. I am too sensitive. I am a good parent. I am lazy.” And so on. You have set aside an hour, so use it. List everything that comes to mind. Try to come up with a list of 150 items or more. If you can’t do it in one hour, complete the list the following day.

Once the list is complete, add a plus sign next to every positive statement and a minus sign next to every negative statement. “I am intelligent” would be a positive statement and “I am lazy” would be a negative statement. As you are not in the habit of examining your thoughts, this exercise will help reveal the contents of your mind. Suppose you discover 75% of your thoughts are negative, that would suggest you are losing at least 75% of your potential! Before you can control your thoughts, you must become aware of them, which is just what this exercise is designed to help you do.

3. On the second or third day return to your list. Every statement that includes the verb “to be” is inaccurate and needs to be corrected. For example, if you wrote “I am lazy,” that is wrong. Why? Because the verb “to be” means to have the essence of, or to equal. Thus, “I am lazy” means “I = lazy.” Which is not true. What you mean to say is, “I sometimes behave in a lazy manner.” There is a big difference in those two thoughts, and the difference affects your self-esteem. Don’t allow the verb “to be” to cloud your thoughts. Get in the habit of precise thinking. Even where other verbs are used, you need to reevaluate what you wrote and make it more accurate. For instance, “I lack confidence” is not accurate enough; what you mean to say is, “In my opinion, I lack confidence.” By focusing on the truth, it helps you realize that your negative thought is only an opinion, and opinions can be changed!

4. On the next day, return to your list and dig deeper into your mind by asking the questions who, what, where, when, how, and why. Thus, if you wrote, “I sometimes behave in a lazy manner,” WHEN do you do so? WHY do you do so? HOW do you do so? You get the idea. This exercise is designed to help you better understand yourself. Answer these questions for as many of the statements on your list as possible. True, it is a big project, but it has a big payoff; mainly, a new, better you.

5. Over the next following days, add new questions and make new lists. Questions such as, “What do I think of life? What do I think of my family? What do I think of my job?” If you diligently follow these exercises, you will get a clear view of your present state of mind. After a week of focusing on the contents of your mind, awareness of your thoughts should automatically appear at other times of the day. When this begins to happen, encourage it by pausing and taking control. Let’s say you’re at work and suddenly catch yourself thinking, “Darn it! This guy gets on my nerves!” All right, you caught the thought, now STOP. Label the thought. Is it good? Is it going to help to make your life better? The answer is no. So, CHANGE THE THOUGHT. For example, change it to, “How can I better understand this person and grow to appreciate him or her more?” This new way of looking at things can lead to better understanding, harmony in the workplace, and a new friend. In other words, you can create a better life, a better you, by taking charge of your thoughts.

As you practice being aware of your thoughts, you will grow more and more skillful. Whenever you find yourself harboring a negative thought, imagine it is a weed; pluck it out of your mind and immediately replace it with a positive thought. A bar of iron costs $5, made into horseshoes it’s worth $12, made into needles it’s worth $3,500, made into balance springs for watches, it’s worth $300,000. Similarly, a person made into someone who has control over their thoughts has immeasurable value and infinite potential. All it takes is a pad of paper and a pencil to begin!

Adventure of Life

2007-06-13T03:40:00.000+07:00

The world is a book and every step turns a new page

A Sherpa boy was born into a life of adventure. He saw the beauty that surrounded him, felt the frigid blasts of mountain air that invigorated him, heard the peaceful sounds of quietude, tasted the snow that playfully danced in his mouth whenever he spoke, and after blowing out the candle, smelled the fragrance of nightfall.

How easy it is to imagine a life of adventure in a distant land. Yet, life itself is an adventure if we allow it to be. Each moment is another page in an exciting book we call life. Here's how it was described by French poet, historian, and statesman (Alphonse Marie Louis de Prat de) Larmartine, 1790 ~ 1869), "The world is a book and every step turns a new page."

People respond differently when given a good book. Some may accept it, but ignore it. Others may set it aside to read "someday." Still others will read it, but not apply what they have learned. Then there are those who are like children, filled with curiosity, always eager to learn and discover. They are the adventurers. They live in the moment and delight in the sounds, feelings, sights, aromas, tastes, sensations, and experiences that engulf them. They love the world. They love life.

Sometimes all it takes is a visit to the park to reawaken our senses and spirit. If we let go of the cares of the day, we open ourselves to the beauty, wonder, awe, and mystery of life. These sentiments are well expressed in the following poem by writer, poet, and adventurer, William Henry Davies (1871 ~ 1940):

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

It is this same gentleman, rascal, and tramp who taught that life is measured by the breaths we do NOT take, those breathtaking moments of joy, delight, and enchantment. And he is probably the author of that beautiful quotation, "Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

But before we can experience the grandeur of the present moment, we have to be aware. Writing on awareness, Jerry Fleishman had this to say, "A greater poverty than that caused by lack of money is the poverty of unawareness. Men and women go about the world unaware of the beauty, the goodness, and the glories in it. Their souls are poor. It is better to have a poor pocketbook than to suffer from a poor soul."

If your day isn't brimming over with excitement and pleasure, a good start would be to look for things to be thankful for. Do this often enough and it becomes habitual. And later, you will no longer have to search for life's delights because you will be constantly stumbling over them throughout the day.

Are you waiting for a special day to experience life as an adventure? That won't be necessary. A normal day will do, as Mary Jean Iron shows in her prayer, "Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so."

When novelist Howard Spring (1889 ~ 1965) was a young boy, he read and remembered the inscription on a sundial. It read, "I count only the hours that shine." There is no better guarantee of an adventurous life than by making every hour shine and every minute count. Always doing our best is the gateway to a life of adventure.

Some would argue that far from being exciting, life is boring. They mistakenly believe that boredom is caused by external events or our environment. But boredom is not a result of outside events. It is caused by a decision to do nothing rather than something. Adventurers are engaged with life. They form a partnership with it, making things happen by taking action and delighting in the surprises that life brings our way.

When seen from the right perspective, change, the unknown, and risks are the ingredients of an adventure. But when viewed with the wrong attitude, they become fearful and things to avoid. No wonder David Grayson (1870 ~ 1946) writes, "Adventure is not outside a man; it is within." After all, it is an attitude we embrace, a choice we make, and a decision we commit to.

Psychotherapist, researcher, and consultant, Dr. Dawna Markova expressed an attitude worthy of imitating when she wrote, "I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."

One secret of adventuresome living is to embrace life, but not so tightly that we squeeze the adventure out of it. A pianist lets go of the keys immediately after striking them. Similarly, the way to enjoy an adventure is to be willing to let it go. How can life's adventure develop and surprise us unless we release our grip?

Mrs. Taylor of Foster, Quebec learned about this from a poem she found scribbled on a piece of paper in a restaurant in Montreal. Here's the poem:

The Art of Living

To touch the cup with eager lips and taste, not drain it;
To woo and tempt and count a bliss, and not attain it;
To fondle and caress a joy, yet hold it lightly;
To watch the sunset in the west without regretting;
To hail its advent in the east, the night forgetting;
To smother care in happiness, and grief in laughter;
To hold the present close, not questioning the hereafter;
To have enough to share, to know the joy of giving;
To thrill with all the sweets of life -- that's living.

Here's another poem to act as a guide to adventuresome living. It was written by Rear Admiral R. H. Jackson (deceased):

THE OLD GARDENER

Count your garden by the flowers,
Never by the leaves that fall.
Count your day by golden hours,
Don't remember clouds at all.

Count your nights by stars, not shadows,
Count your life by smiles, not tears,
And, with joy on every birthday,
Count your age by friends -- not years.

Here's a final thought to serve as a model for the New Year; it was written by British social reformer and Theosophist, Annie Besant (1847 ~ 1933). "Never forget that life can only be nobly inspired and rightly lived if you take it bravely and gallantly, as a splendid adventure in which you are setting out into an unknown country, to meet many a joy, to find many a comrade, to win and lose many a battle."

Achieve Greatness

2007-06-13T03:39:00.000+07:00

How can we rise to greatness without scaling mountains?

Is your life full? If so, full of what? Anxiety, fear, and worry? If that’s the case, your life may be full, but it’s not fulfilled. A life full of negativity is an empty life. Empty of peace, joy, and excitement. It’s like a vacuum waiting to be filled. And until it is, it’s painful. The pain is trying to tell us something. It’s screaming, "It’s time to stretch yourself, unleash your potential, and grow into greatness." The reason our inner voice is screaming is because so few are listening. Busy with trying to cope with the complexities of life, we have forgotten our true nature.

Whether we’re in prison or in a hospital bed, employed or unemployed, rich or poor, young or old, male or female, we carry within us the seeds of greatness. Plant seeds are nothing more than potential, unless they are fed by soil and nurtured by the sun. So it is with our seeds of greatness. It is only after they are brought into the light of awareness and nurtured by positive thoughts and actions that they bloom. Can I become good when I think I’m bad? Great when I think I’m small? Worthy when I think I’m worthless? No, I cannot because it is a law of life that action is preceded by thought. So, if I think I’m bad, I act that way, and vice versa.

Insignificant people have insignificant thoughts while the minds of great people are occupied by great thoughts. The irony is no one is insignificant unless they think they are. The message is clear. If we’re leading unfulfilled lives, it’s time to awaken to our seeds of greatness. When we realize that deep within is greatness aching to be expressed, we become inspired. When inspired, we act with greatness. Finally, when we act with greatness, we become great.

Greatness is not power, wealth, fame, beauty, or talent. William Arthur Ward describes it, "Greatness is not found in possessions, power, position or prestige. It is discovered in goodness, humility, service and character."

In other words, it is becoming someone you admire. Not because of egoism, but because of the innate desire to be and do one’s best. Why not add greatness of character to our lives? For when we do so, we add value to them. And when we have value, our life has meaning.

We need great people. We need you to become great. We need you to encourage, point the way, and show what is possible. In 1839, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow explained why we need great lives:

"Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime.
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time."

If you find it difficult to remember the seeds of greatness that live within you, read the biographies of great people. Their stories will stir your heart and launch action. But be careful because we tend to read, watch, and listen without digesting the information we’re exposed to. To unlock the power of knowledge, we must apply what we learn. Here’s a good habit to get into, which will help you to focus on applying what you learn. Mainly, whenever you learn something of value, immediately ask yourself, "How can I apply this to my life? When should I apply it? Where should I use this? Why should I use it?" Use the power of questions to ignite the potential locked in the knowledge you gain.

The opportunity for greatness is often missed. Even when it is staring us in the face. What happens if we lose our job, have a serious accident, or get gravely ill? If we view these events as disasters, we grow anxious, stressful, and fearful. Yet, those who see the same events as opportunities to rise to the greatness thrust upon them, manage to call up courage, faith, and perseverance. Isn’t the "catastrophe" we’re facing really a mountain waiting to be scaled? How can we rise to greatness without scaling mountains? This explain why William Cullen Bryant (1794~1878) wrote, "Difficulty is the nurse of greatness."

For the same reason, Cavett Robert wrote, "If we study the lives of great men and women carefully and unemotionally we find that, invariably, greatness was developed, tested and revealed through the darker periods of their lives. One of the largest tributaries of the River of Greatness is always the Stream of Adversity."

Still not convinced? Perhaps William M. Thackeray (1811-1863) can persuade you, "To endure is greater than to dare; to tire out hostile fortune; to be daunted by no difficulty; to keep heart when all have lost it; to go through intrigue spotless; to forego even ambition when the end is gained — who can say this is not greatness?" Isn’t it clear, then, that when we flee from "disaster," we run from greatness?

When we do more, we become more; we become greater. This is why William Arthur Ward calls us to do more: "Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work." What shall we work toward? Gil Bailie explains, "Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

Shortly before my 90-year-old dad passed away, he asked me, "What is the meaning of life?" I told him that in my opinion it was to make the world more hospitable, to improve it. Shouldn’t our legacy of greatness be a trail of good works? American business leader Edward Gardner explained it this way, "It’s not what you take but what you leave behind that defines greatness."

Don’t underestimate the potency of your actions. Although few of us have the power to change the course of history; nevertheless, our small acts accumulate and help weave the period of history we live in. We can and should make a difference, for as Henry Van Dyke wrote, "There is a loftier ambition than merely to stand high in the world. It is to stoop down and lift mankind a little higher."

Sh! Be still for a moment and listen. Can you hear it? It is the call to greatness. How will you respond?

Wake Up Your Talent

2007-06-12T16:31:00.000+07:00

One of the biggest obstacles to our progress can be that we compare ourselves to others too much. We look at people who are successful—or at least more successful than we are—and feel that to do the same would require an effort that we just aren’t capable of. We look at people with apparently more talent or skill than we have, and feel that it’s impossible for us to achieve the same.

But this is to underestimate our own strength and the ability to make a difference in our own lives. We need to realize that we may not have had the same success, but are successful in our own way. We need to realize that we may not have the same talent or skill, but have our own talents and skills which we can use to great effect in our own lives.

Looking at other people and feeling ill-equipped to make a difference usually leads to complacency and stagnation in our lives. We get stuck in the same place—and when we’re not moving, our chances of progress and success in our endeavors is zero.

No matter what talents we have, we should use them. We should be moving forward. When we do that, the success we saw in others begins to move closer to ourselves. When we begin to move, the skills that other people have are more likely to become part of our skills.

We should always remember, too, that just because someone else has talent or skill, or has had some success, doesn’t mean that the person is making the most of their talents or skills. They might well be making no use of them at all, in which case the person with less talent or skill can achieve more—as long as they are moving.

Take a look at what talents or skills you have and ask yourself whether you are making the most of them. If not, make a decision to put them to use. Even if the talent is a small one, it can achieve great things if put to use.

Always remember the words of Lao Tzu.

“An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox”

Whatever the size of your talent, if you doze you achieve nothing. What talent or skill are you wasting today by letting it sleep?

Goal Setting and Achieving the Goal

2007-06-12T16:29:00.000+07:00

By: Debasmita Chanda

How can you really achieve the goal set by you? Goal setting is a powerful process for personal planning.

The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you want to achieve, you know where you have to concentrate your efforts. You'll also quickly spot the distractions that would otherwise lure you from your course.

More than this, properly set goals can be incredibly motivating, and as you get into the habit of setting and achieving goals, you'll find that your self-confidence builds fast.

Goal setting techniques are used by top-level athletes, successful business-people and achievers in all fields. They give you long-term vision and short-term motivation. They focus your acquisition of knowledge and help you to organize your time and your resources so that you can make the most of your life.

Goal setting By setting sharp, clearly defined goals, you can measure and take pride in the achievement of those goals. You can see forward progress in what might previously have seemed a long pointless grind. By setting goals, you will also raise your self-confidence, as you recognize your ability and competence in achieving the goals that you have set.

Goals are set on a number of levels:

First you decide what you want to do with your life and what large-scale goals you want to achieve. Second, you break these down into the smaller and smaller targets that you must hit so that you reach your lifetime goals. Finally, once you have your plan, you start working to achieve it.

Starting to Set Personal Goals:

This section explains a simple technique for setting personal goals. It starts with your lifetime goals, and then works through a series of lower level plans culminating in a daily to-do list. By setting up this structure of plans you can break even the biggest life goal down into a number of small tasks that you need to do each day to reach the lifetime goals.

Your Lifetime Goals:

The first step in setting personal goals is to consider what you want to achieve in your lifetime, as setting Lifetime goals gives you the overall perspective that shapes all other aspects of your decision making.

4 Ways To Create A Positive Life

2007-06-12T16:25:00.001+07:00

So you had a nightmare last night. The dream was just horrific and it scared the stuffing out of you. Well, I’ve had them too; they are certainly no fun. You wake up so relieved that it was a dream, that you nearly collaspe from the fact. Yes, bad dreams are no fun, they can really darken your day or week but you can defeat them. I’m going to tell you how to destroy those life-stealing mirages and negative thoughts altogether:

1. Don’t go to bed with an over-filled stomach

Yeah, I know you’ve probably heard this one, but it works. Too much work for your digestive system causes a disharmony in the digestive track that will cause slight or great disfunctions in our mental area. The body as a whole is intimately entwined in ways you and I would never suspect. A disharmony here can trigger a disharmony there. Observe this fact: if your back is sore, you will more than likely have a negative view on things in your life. The sore back has effectively influenced your mental state. That sore back - a bad impulse - is speading out to other areas of your life experience that seeming have nothing to do with your back pain, but we all know this is what occurs. So, remember, a comfortable body, a comfortable mind.

2. Don’t let the negative talk of others affect you

This a very hard one but it only requires practice. It will take time but you will succeed if you continue to do it. In the world today people seem to rejoice in the negative aspects of our life experience. This being the case, people feed off the negative vibes others send out. This reminds me of a radio station. A radio station sends out waves to a certain area and they are received or picked up, human beings can act just like radio stations sending out negative talk, and getting others to pick-up this same negative talk. In so doing, the relatively happy individual is soiled by the now negative influence it has unwittingly received and absorbed. Lesson, be on guard for negative conversations from others, be it friends, associates or even family. We all have a right to a peaceful mind. What must be done, must be done in a very unnoticable way, for you don't want the negative party to suspect that you are not into what they're saying. Listen but do not allow their speech to find a home in your mental makeup, turn off your mental ears to it. Always try not to engage in low thought sessions with your friends or anyone else. Protect your mind.

3. Be watchful of the media

Here, we have another big one that if it is controlled will have a very powerful effect on your life experience. Lets face it, television, radio and the like, have far too much influence in our life. Most of us spend a majority of our free time using these mediums. What we don’t realize is that these sources are influencing us in unhealhty ways. Take television for instance; most television shows contain far more negative messages then positve helpful ones. The typical prime-time show presents plenty of problematic, suspenseful plots, but little in the way uplfting scenes to balance out the particular show. This is a formula the media executives have used almost since television began. Now, let's look at radio, radio is even worse than television. The am signals are mostly filled with mean, vulgar and plainly evil talk shows. The fm stations send out nearly all negative and down-grading music. And how about the news? We depend on these companies to supply us with valuable informaton. But the information these sources provide seems to most always be negative - the internet is included here also. So, as you can see, we have to take it upon ourselves and be the guardians of our thought process. We have allowed it to be abused in the past, but we can change this trend with effort. This is the only way we have a chance of turning the negative mental states to positive, healthy thinking. When You see or hear something negative on television, radio, etc., say to yourself, “I will not let this affect my peaceful state of mind”. If this doesn’t seem to work, change the channel.

4. Be careful in what you purchase - Think about your mental well-being

Can you remain in a positive state after listening and/or viewing a certain dvd or cd you have purchased. Think about it - if it causes bad thoughts - is it worth it? Do you want to have to deal with bad thoughts afterwards, thoughts that can color your entire day with low feelings. And add to this that the fact that you paid for it. Not a good feeling, huh? You have paid for a bad time. If the trailer or advertisement for the movie gives you a bad feeling, you can bet that the rest of that film will also leave you in a downed mental state. You do not have to take that from our misdirected entertainment industry. Maybe the sources of this damaging output will stop their ways, and provide more positve, entertaining material but I don’t think that will ever happen. So, refuse to partake in the use of such negative entertainment if it upsets you. Find more positve things and keep a look out for these. You know when you see or hear them, you will have good thoughts instead of those other down trodden impulses that are negative thoughts.

Try all of the suggestions above. Nurture your personal development and self-improvement. Start implementing them today; don’t allow those nasty, evil impulses called “negative thoughts” to ruin your day or night. Be on guard, refuse to let society, with its negative views and ways intrude on your world. Pull yourself together, make a conscious stand, don’t just let the negative win over you. Start fighting those lower impulses today. Sheild yourself and those you love from the damaging effects of negative thought. Refuse to let it rule your existence. Remember to always transform those lower impulses into something higher, and watch your world become a much better place.

Micronap Your Way to Success

2007-06-12T16:22:00.000+07:00

Micronaps – Increasing your productivity

I have been practicing micronapping for a while now but didn’t really think it was unusual until a colleague mentioned it to me. I work a lot between all the jobs and voluntary work I have and get about 5 hours sleep. I am tired a lot so often take a micronap to refresh me.

What is a micronap?

You may have already experienced a micronap without realising it. It’s those moments when you doze off for a few moments, 2-5 minutes, and wake up with a start. It has happened to me in meetings, and I have woken up with a start thinking ‘Christ!I hope nobody noticed me’, meanwhile somebody has posted a picture of me drooling, on the company intranet. You know the moments I mean.

Micronapping is a scheduled event and everybody can do it no matter what their schedule is.

How to micronap?

When you feel you need a micronap just schedule 5 minutes away from everyone, I usually go home for lunch so I micronap there, however when I can’t go home I use the toilet to take a micronap.

Sit on the toilet, lean back and just close your eyes safe in the knowledge that if you fall asleep nobody will see you. The beauty of micronapping is that your mind is still alert to the fact that you have only got 5 minutes so it won’t fall fully asleep. You will be drifting between consciousness and unconsciousness (which is what sleep is).

It may sound as if this wouldn’t help but it really does. What is happening is that your brain is sinking to an alpha state, which is sleep cycle where your brain is operating at 7-14 cycles per second, and coming back to your waking beta state, which operates at 14-13 cycles per second. Read more about the sleeping states here

Alpha states are the states which meditators and people who are relaxed fall into. It is the state in which creativity occurs and is the state in which we typically daydream. It has a realxing effect on the brain and slows it down to rest.

Benefits of micronapping :

1. I have found micronapping good for sleep deprived headaches, if I’ve not had enough sleep I get a slight headache and micronapping is great for this.
2. I have found I am more alert after a micronap
3. You can take as many as you need without really being missed, I usually take about 2 per day.
4. Micronapping allows me to get by on about 5 hours of sleeep without feeling any detrimental effects.
5. It can be done almost anywhere, in the car, in the toilet, in the house, any room that you will not be disturbed for 5 minutes or so.

Self Development and Personal Growth Strategies

2007-06-12T16:12:00.000+07:00

We all need different personal development strategies at different times. I'd like to share what's working for me right now. Self-development tactics that are helping me get and stay focused for the path ahead! I'll also attempt to include some humor in as well!

How to Become Your Own Personal Success Coach

It can be difficult to keep your focus on a goal when you have various other stresses such as work on your mind all the time. Success coaching is a rapidly growing industry and many people want to recruit someone to help them achieve their goals and dreams. Professional help is actually unnecessary. There are ways to coach yourself successfully.

What Does a Success Coach Do?

A success coach, or life coach, is trained to help people reach their personal goals. They are like a mentor in some ways but, rather than being based in one industry, they can work with clients in a variety of jobs.

The job of the coach is to assess your skills and help you develop them and overcome any shortcomings. They find out your strengths and limitations and work with them to improve yourself. You can make life changes, overcome problems and challenges and enhance your skills.

If you are your own success coach, you will already have a good idea of what your strengths and weaknesses are. You will know what changes you want to make in your life and what you need to change. You are responsible for your own happiness and you can find how to make yourself satisfied and happy with your life.

First, Set Your Goals

You can't start making changes to your life without doing some serious brainstorming. If you want to change one particular aspect of your life, you can make a note of your goals in relation to that. Get some paper and a pen and write down everything that comes to mind. Don't worry about whether or not you think it can be achieved. Just focus for now on what you want. When you have the correct plan, just about everything is attainable but just do step one for now - write down everything you want to change or do.

When you have completed your goal list, you need to decide which thing to focus on first. It is best to tackle one goal at a time rather than try to do everything at once. Choose the goals that will make you happiest to start with. If you live for others, sacrificing your own happiness, that is a great disservice, both to them and to yourself. You cannot make others truly happy unless you are happy yourself.

In the next part, we will look at how to set goals and measure your success at achieving them.

The first thing to do to be your own success coach is to decide on your goals. When you have done this, you need to pick which one to tackle first.

There is no set way to pick your first goal and some might be more urgent that others. You might decide to begin with a goal you have had for some time. Go for whatever feels right to you.

Plan Each Goal

When you have chosen your goal, set yourself a timeframe for completion. This is not a deadline as such but more of a finish line, to give yourself something to aim for. You can plan smaller projects, doing this, that will all lead to your main goal.

Write down what your biggest goal is and the date by which you want to achieve it. If, for instance, you want to lose 20 lbs of weight, a milestone might be shedding the first 5 lbs. If your goal is not to smoke a cigarette for 6 months (by which time your cravings will be gone) you should aim for 2 months of being smoke-free first, since 2 months sounds easier than 6 months. Reward yourself with a treat after reaching each milestone, to encourage your further.

Having intermediate goals can be set at weekly or monthly intervals, depending on the time frame for the main goal. Break down your intermediate goals even more so the main goal seems less scary. Set daily goals if you can, then you will feel like you are making plenty of steps in the right direction, rather than trying to do everything in one big chunk.

The main goal, the intermediate ones and the daily ones are all part of changing your life to make it the way you would ultimately like it. Your smaller, broken down goals are like a map to guide you on the way to reaching the biggest one.

Choose Diverse Goals

When you have broken down your goal steps, check your master list and choose something that deals with a different part of your life. You can work on more than one goal at once but only have one goal per area, to balance them out. You can have perhaps one family goal, a health one and a work one. This is easier than having three health goals to deal with at one time.

In the next part we will look at how to get over bumps and slip ups along the way to reaching your goals.

Writing down your goals and taking steps to achieve them is just part of becoming successful. Life has its own twists and turns and loves to surprise us. Sometimes we experience change, disappointment and circumstances beyond our control. Sometimes we might feel as though we have failed, either in a big or small way. You need to deal with this failure then get back on track.

Overcoming Problems

If things do not seem to be going how you want, it is easy to lose hope and feel discouraged. You might miss a goal deadline or feel things are moving too slowly. Perhaps an unforeseen event knocks you totally off course.

First of all, take a deep breath and realize it is all right. Everyone goes through this. The important thing is how you react and deal with it.

You will need to pick yourself up off the floor sometimes and start over. When you have a glitch on your path, you have to keep going. Everyone who is successful now has failed at some point in the past. Nobody is perfect. Every failure moves you closer to your goal because you can learn from it what went wrong. But you do have to keep on going.

Maybe you have an 'inner critic' who tells you that after failure it is not worth bothering to pursue this goal. This is just down to negative thinking. Be strong, tell the critic their advice is unwelcome and keep on going.

Planning the Future

If you have experienced a setback, be it small or large, you have to reprioritize. Perhaps the setback was due to circumstances you couldn't have controlled. Maybe you needed more time or information to make your plan work. Ask yourself if you are still happy with the goals you chose and if you are happy with the whole process.

Keep happiness and fulfillment at the top of your priority list. Try to minimize the impact of your weaknesses and focus on your strengths. Plan your goals so you can do them in smaller steps. If you have a setback, reevaluate your plan. The most important thing is to encourage yourself to keep going, no matter what.

What makes you tick? What really gets you excited? What motivates you?
Those aren't just great "getting to know you" questions. They are at the very core of self-improvement and personal growth and success. Understanding your own personal motivations provides you with a key that will help unlock many of life's mysteries.

Let's face it, all of us want a better life. We may define what constitutes a better life in a variety of different ways, but all of us want to see things get even better for us and those about whom we care the most. You want improvement and you recognize that the only person you can really improve (not to mention the one who matters most to you on a personal level) is YOU.

That means you will have to go from your current "Spot A" to the "Spot B" of your dreams. That journey may involve a few stops along the way. It will certainly involve making changes and pushing ahead even on days when it would be easier to revert back to "Spot A."

No one is going to be standing behind you as you walk that path, prodding you along. No one will be dangling a carrot in front of you, tricking you to march forward. If you want to get from "Spot A" to "Spot B," you will have to make that happen yourself. The only way to keep trudging along is by finding the right motivation to propel you down the road.

If you latch on to weak motivations or shallow inspiration, you will soon find yourself abandoning the process. However, if you can isolate what really matters the most to you, it is possible to reach your goals. Motivations are important!
So, how do you determine what motivates you?
Some people know their motivations and can list them off without a thought. These people, for whatever reason, are perfectly in tune with "their calling" and understand what keeps them going day in and day out as they strive to reach their goals. Most of us, however, aren't quite that lucky. In the mad rush of work, home responsibilities, grocery shopping, paying bills, getting the car repaired, going to the dentist and doing task after task at high speed, it is easy to lose track of our core motivations. Most of us have to look for them.

The first thing you must do is to remember that what motivates me may not motivate you. Motivations are very personal. They develop based on our own experience, background, educations, and understandings of the world. There is not universal set of motivations (aside from basic physiological needs, of course). If you're looking for your motivations in someone other than yourself, you are looking in the wrong direction.

Finding your motivations requires a bit of introspection. You will want to think about past successes and what pushed you along the way during those projects. You will want to consider the goals you have always held to the most strongly; evaluating them to discover what core principles inspired them. Your motivations are your own, and no one else will be able to hand them to you on a handy list. You will have to dig within your own history and psyche to discover them.

The good news is that doing so is well worth the efforts. Once you have isolated the motivations that "make you tick," you can begin to move forward to reach your own maximum potential. While others may struggle with plans and ready-made solutions that don't match them and result in frustration, you will be able to make sure your plan for personal success comports with the very things that keep you going strong. Aligning your plan of attack with a solid understanding of your motivations will supercharge your self-improvement efforts.

What are your motivations? If you don't have an honest and correct answer to that question, it's high time to develop one.

How to Be Happy - Training Yourself to Enjoy Life

2007-06-11T15:28:00.000+07:00

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” ~ Frederick Keonig.

How happy are you? Let me phrase that question another way: how much do you enjoy living your life? Could you train yourself to enjoy your life more? The same life that you have now?

Please understand that I am not talking about changing your life. (At least not in this article. There are several other articles about how to improve your life.) I am talking about taking greater enjoyment in the life that you currently have right now. Would you like to be happier without changing anything in your life now but your mindset?

Different kinds of happiness

Firstly, let me clarify what I mean by happy here. There are moments in our life when we feel supremely blissful – when a baby is born, when we get the promotion, when we win the lottery (am hoping still )). I am not talking about increasing these rare moments. One of the things that makes these moments so precious is their rarity.

I am also not talking about those moments when we feel the feeling of happiness – when we are hanging out with good friends, when we are enjoying a lively debate, when we are enjoying an evening out with our partner. Those moments are indeed enjoyable and we can very easily increase the number of those moments in our lives by setting aside more time for those kinds of leisure activities. But the happy feeling of those moments is not the happiness that I am referring to either.

Enjoyment of Life

The happiness that I am referring to is the enjoyment of the life that we live everyday, the appreciation of the life that we live everyday. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not advocating that you enjoy and be happy about the bad things in your life – I would be the first to say that you are a raving lunatic if you start giggling the next time you get a parking ticket or stub your toe or get into a car accident. Mishaps are not generally something we enjoy although we can appreciate them as opportunities to grow and master our method of dealing with challenges.…but more about that later. What I want to discuss with you now is the ability to truly appreciate and be truly aware of all the good things that exist in your life right now.

Example of negative focus

I recently spoke with a friend who has two-year old triplets. She had been trying to have a baby for five years and finally with the aid of modern medicine she conceived and delivered triplets. She had been overjoyed when she discovered that she was pregnant initially. But in listening to her conversation recently I could discern no sign of any of the joys of parenthood that she might be experiencing.

She spoke to me in detail of the challenges and difficulties of dealing with three two-year olds at once, and the money worries, and the worries about the future in terms of money for college education and other fears and negatives along that line. She spoke for one full hour and only twice mentioned anything positive about the experience of being a mother of triplets. But when I asked her outright if she enjoyed being a mother of triplets, her unequivocal response was “Yes, most definitely!”

You see, the point is this: while she had a lot to celebrate and enjoy, she was focusing only on the challenges and worries about the future. She was aware of the good in the situation but choose to focus solely on the negative. And this is something that many of us do. It is a question of focus and acknowledging the positive value of the experiences of our lives. There are a lot of great things about my friend’s situation – she gets three times as many hugs, and giggles and laughs. When the kids are being helpful, she has three times as many hands to help. The simple pleasure of having finally gotten her dream of being a mother. The list goes on and on. But she chooses to focus on her fears and worries and negative aspects of the situation, and completely neglect the good things in her situation.
Example of positive focus

Similarly I met another lady recently who smilingly hugged me and chatted about all the good things in her life. We were about thirty minutes into the conversation before she mentioned that she had recently been diagnosed with cancer and was in the process of having that treated. She did not attempt to diminish the gravity of it but was choosing to focus on the positive aspects, even when positive aspects seemed hard to come by. She was talking about how lucky she was to be living in an age where treatments for cancer are readily available. She was talking about how she had a 50% chance of beating it rather than a 50% chance of it beating her.

The importance of focus

What is the difference here? Clearly, the difference is focus. For the majority of us throughout most of our lives we have neither an overabundance of fantastic or terrible things going on. Mostly it is just normal regular everyday life. But how much we appreciate our lives is a matter of our choice of focus.

That focus is generally something we learn during childhood. So if you find that you have a negative focus, don’t despair, you can retrain yourself. You can train yourself to be happier. Just as you learnt how to focus on your fears, you can learn to focus on your dreams. Just as you learnt how to focus on the negatives of any situation you can learn to focus on the positives.

Denial

One important factor to note here is that you must not engage in denial. Denial will in the long run backfire and make you desperately unhappy. The only way that you can comfortably put your focus on the positive is to set in motion a plan to deal with the negative. So my friend who was worrying about her kids’ future decided to set up a college fund, and put a specific amount into it each month. And now the negative has become a positive. Whenever she thinks of the future and the kids’ college education, she has the comforting thought that she is doing something to cater for the future financial cost of that. She is also brainstorming other ideas for dealing with that challenge. But just worrying needlessly is useless and mentally draining.

The habit of gratitude

In order to train yourself to enjoy your life, you must get into the habit of gratitude. Now if you are inclined to scoff as this, I suggest you give it a try and then decide. It is a simple but effective strategy for increasing your enjoyment of life. Think about all the things in your life that you are grateful for; the things that you appreciate having. If you really are a negatively focused person, this will feel artificial and corny at first (I speak from personal experience :) ). But stick with it. Remember you are breaking a lifelong habit of focusing on the negative, so it will not happen overnight. It will require patience and practice.

If you can’t think of anything to be grateful for, here are a few ideas to start you off:

* I am grateful that I can read.
* I am grateful that I have access to this article that may change my life for the better.
* I am grateful that I have control over my actions.
* I am grateful that I can make a choice to accept this philosophy or not.
* I am grateful that I can see. (If this sort of thing seems ridiculous to you, think of all the people who are blind. Imagine if you got into an accident today and lost your sight, just how much your life would change).
* I am grateful that I have a job (even if you hate your job – especially if you hate your job, you need to focus on the good things it does for you – it pays the bills, it keeps you gainfully occupied during the day).
* I am grateful for my family.
* I am grateful for my friends.

I am sure you get the picture here. Think of as many things as you can. And be specific. Why are you grateful for your friends? Because you have some one to hang out with – because you have someone to share your struggles with – because you have someone you can call on in an emergency.

Make being grateful a habit. Do this at least twice every day – once in the morning and once before bed. And be genuine about it. Contemplate the things that you are really grateful for – a roof over your head, a hot shower, your own bed to sleep in at night, a good friend, your mom. We, all of us, have things to be grateful for in our lives.

The good side of negative situations

The next step in retraining yourself to truly enjoy your life is to consider the good side of a situation that has been really upsetting you. Let’s say you absolutely hate your job and your boss. You drag yourself off to work each day and count down the seconds until quitting time. You dread crossing paths with your boss or a certain coworker.

Your challenge now is to focus on what is good about your job. Well, the fact that you have one for starters. Your job gives you money that provides you with many of the things you enjoy in life – like food :) , clothes, a home, an education, recreation. What other good things can you think of about your job? It is giving you experience so that when you are ready to look for another job, you have that to sweeten up your resume. You are also learning to deal successfully with a difficult boss or coworker. Think of as many good things as you can about this situation that you previously only viewed in a negative light.

Appreciate your life

In every aspect of your life, appreciate the things that you have rather than constantly hankering after the things that you do not have – do not succumb to “the grass is greener” syndrome. After all, there is probably someone somewhere wishing they had your life or some part of it.

Appreciate the good aspects of the people in your life and try to find a way to negate the negative aspects. Appreciate the good things in your life and try to find a way to improve the bad ones. Do you spend all of your time bemoaning the challenges in your life? Try to spend at least an equal amount of your time talking and thinking about the great things in your life. Appreciate the people and the things that you have in your life that you really like and love. You will soon find that you enjoy life a whole lot more than you do now.

What are the good things in your life? What do you have to be grateful for?

How to Make Yourself Feel Better

2007-06-11T15:16:00.000+07:00

We often miss the point when we talk about our experiences. How you feel is not real.

One of the things we most often find ourselves saying is a sentence which begins with the word “I”. This may sound like a commonplace, but think about it for a moment. Every few minutes—or even every few seconds—we find ourselves saying something beginning with that “I”, the personal pronoun. If you doubt this, then try this little experiment. The next time you find yourself in conversation, try to count how many times you say “I”.

Or if concentrating on two things at once—something that can be difficult at the best of times, especially when you have children about the place :-) —is beyond you, just listen to someone else’s conversation and try counting as those “I” words roll off the tongue. You might be pretty amazed at how often you hear it. It’s almost as though the word “I” is a kind of glue to hold the string of words together. In fact, it seems as though it almost is the string itself, and the other words are beads strung on it. Take away the string and the whole conversation falls apart.

What you will rarely hear when that “I” word pops up every few seconds is another word that really should be there, but isn’t because of a misconception held by many people about our reality. That word is “feel”. When people talk and use the word “I”, they are often talking about feelings, but talk as though they are talking about objective reality. When we say “I”, we could be talking about something that is real, such as “I am late…” or “I am waiting for the train…” But more often than not we are not talking about something real, something that can be verified, but something that is nothing more than our own thoughts and feelings. In short, we put forward something as reality—something out of our control—when in fact it is something that we ourselves have created.

The missing link

The problem arises when we say things about our feelings but instead of using the word “feel” we use the word “am”. It’s often not “I feel useless” but usually “I am useless”. Not “I feel that I can’t do it” and usually just the straight: “I can’t do it”—and usually before we have even tried to do the “it” and so have no way of knowing.

This may sound odd, to go on about a simple distinction between the words “I am” and “I feel”, but in order to work optimally, in order to get the best out of ourselves and motivate ourselves to make an effort, we have to begin to separate feelings from reality. We often accept something as reality, when it isn’t reality at all, but just our feelings

To use just the word “I” might be OK if we were habitually in a positive frame of mind. Going about saying “I am good at this” or “I am making progress” would be all for the good, unless we were really deluded as to our abilities and had an overconfidence in how good we really are. But this isn’t usual. What is usual is that we often find ourselves not in a positive frame of mind. The reasons are easy to find. We get tired. Or we get sick. Or we get depressed without knowing the reasons why.

Then what happens is that the negative feelings we have color our reality, and then we really do begin to “be” what we “think”. We think we are useless, and so we lose motivation—and before we know it we really are useless, sitting about all day and whining that nothing ever seems to go right for us instead of getting up and doing something positive. We’ve all had those days and so we know how dangerous it can be to get stuck in this kind of thinking.

A shift in thinking

When we realize that feelings are not the same as reality, we can make a huge shift in our thinking and bring back some of that motivation. This is good thinking as opposed to bad thinking. When we say “I am…” we give up control. When we say “I feel…” we take back control. To say we are useless implies that it is something that has been given to us, something we cannot change. To say I feel useless means we can ask ourselves the question “why?”

“Why do I feel…” Once we ask that question we can look for facts that prove that the feelings aren’t a true reflection of reality. They are exactly that—feelings and not reality. The answer may then be something simple such as: I am tired. A good sleep will rid us of the feelings and then we can see reality as it is—which is usually not half as bad as the feelings made it out to be. SMILE

We always have to beware of confusing our feelings with reality. If we fall victim to this way of thinking we can end up giving up our power, and that’s a strange thing to do for something that is not real, and which we created ourselves.

Anyone who knows anything about the works of Schopenhauer will know that he was essentially a pessimist. He believed existence to be futile. Well, if you base your existence on the constantly fluctuating feelings you experience, life can seem pretty bad sometimes. But if you look at things objectively, life is often not bad at all. Most of us have many things to be grateful for, and concentrating on those rather than our constantly shifting feelings is a way to be positive.

There is a quote I once heard that was attributed to Schopenhauer. I couldn’t verify it, so it might be from someone else, but I think it makes the point nicely. “My life has been full of misfortunes, most of which never happened.”

Next time you catch yourself saying the word “I”, make sure you are talking about something objective—something really objective—and not just how you’re feeling at that moment. If you are talking about feelings, then make sure you put that word “feel” in there. Then if the feeling is bad, at least you’ll know it’s only a feeling, which means it can soon be replaced by a better one.

Is Gratitude More Powerful than Visualizing? or Beauty, The Beast, and The Law of Attraction

2007-06-11T14:59:00.000+07:00

Gratitude is one of the most simple and effective ways to harness the power of the law of attraction so that you draw more of what you want into your life, and less of what you don’t want.

Because of the law of attraction, the feeling of appreciation attracts into your life more feelings of appreciation, and that vibration of gratitude sets up your point of attraction so that you are manifesting more good things into your life to appreciate!

I am going to tell you how a very old story relates to the law of attraction and gratitude and then give you a simple process to make practicing appreciation quick and easy.

There is a very famous story that I am sure you have heard of called Beauty and the Beast. After studying the law of attraction this became one of my most favorite stories of all time.

Here is why:

A little recap of this beautiful story:

There once was a rude and spoiled, but handsome prince.

One day he was rude to the wrong person and she turned him into an ugly hairy beast.

This person told him the only way that he could turn back into a prince is if he truly loved someone and received their true love in return.

Many years went by and no one fell in love with him and eventually he gave up, for who could ever learn to love a beast.

Then one day, he met and became very fond of a woman named Beauty and unfortunately she thought that he was not only hideous, but he was a bit beastly on the inside as well.

It seemed hopeless, how could this woman fall in love with such an ugly creature?

All seemed lost, when unexpectedly, and for whatever mysterious reason, Beauty began to somehow see past all of the ugliness on the surface and she began to focus on the positive aspects of The Beasts personality.

She began to focus on and appreciate the beauty that was not obvious, the beauty that was hidden, the beauty that was there all along, but she had not been focusing on.

Then things started to change wonderfully, Beauty began focusing on what she liked about the beast, and these beautiful qualities deep inside the beast continued to be part of Beauty’s experience and she was happy.

Beauty even told the beast "I love you". Once she fell in love with the Beast he miraculously changed form, the spell was broken and The Beast turned back into a handsome prince. Only, he learned his lesson and was nice now. :-)

The ugliness melted away once she changed her focus to the appreciation and love.

A better name for this story could be "Beauty IN the Beast" because if Beauty had not focused on the beauty within the beast he would not have turned back into a handsome prince.

When beauty was focusing on the beast’s internal and external ugliness she was only drawing out of him beastly qualities.

Once she shifted how she felt about the situating and saw his inner beauty and began to love him, The Beast and her whole world started to change.

But the journey was all on the inside.

You might be thinking, “Jonathan, what the heck does this have to do with manifesting with the law of attraction?!”

The answer is Everything!

I know this is a fairytale, and you want to learn how to master the law of attraction so you can make more money improve your health, or find that perfect lover.

I also know that some of by readers are insightful enough to see where I am going with this.

You may not realize it yet friends, but I just gave you a big manifestation secret.

Whenever I think about or hear this story, I get chills; I believe that it is a representation of the power that we have to change our life experiences through the law of attraction. The power of love and the power of appreciation have the power to change worlds.

It seems that in our culture today it is popular to be like the spoiled price.

We complain or we see the problems and lack, and what is wrong with our government, our friends and family, our finances, our job etc.

But when we are feeling this lack and resentment toward the things in our life that are not yet perfect we are only focusing negatively, we feel awful, and we are attracting more things to complain about by law of attraction.

You may have circumstances in your life that you may not like, but until you find the "beauty in the beast" you will be basically running law of attraction circles.

You might be visualizing and writing down goals, but you see no profound breakthroughs or manifestations happen in your life.

You will not have access to abundance whenever you are focused on lack.

What I am suggesting is you be like Beauty and find something to appreciate about your situation, without needing your situation to change.

How do you find beauty and things to appreciate in circumstances that we feel are awful situations?

Here is a simple example:

Lets day you find yourself feeling resentment toward the economy.

The moment you begin focusing on the lack of what you want, you will immediately get a message from your emotions, saying "Hey, you are focusing on what you do not want and by doing this you are attracting more things that you do not want!"

Then ask your self is there anything to appreciate about the economy?

You could take a deep breath and say "Well, even though it seems like this economy is bad sometimes, I am glad that there are so many opportunities available to me in this country, it’s nice that we have a system where anyone can be whatever they want, I see examples of people who are thriving all the time, people who seem to have abundance in spite of whatever the economy is doing. I am thankful I have their examples of success to inspire me. I am not flat broke, I have a job, and I have money in the bank, I am so glad I have money. I can remember times where I had less money than this, and I am thankful now that I have more. I appreciate my employer, my customers, and all the money invested in my company that makes me money, whether my own or my employers. It’s nice to know that so much money is working for me."

If you can dwell on feelings like these for as long as you can and you will find your self feeling good and I have found this to far more influential to your point of attraction than visualizing or writing down goals.

If feeling appreciation when you feel negative feels phony, move up the emotional scale, until you get into appreciation. You can read more about moving up the emotional scale in my articles "Does positive thinking make you feel phony?" and "Gas Prices, The White House and The Law of Attraction"

Continue focusing on appreciation for as long as you can until it become second nature and you will notice your world begin to change.

You will smile more, others will smile back at you more, nice people will be drawn to you, and you will start becoming luckier, money and opportunities will have their way of finding you.

And in relatively short time your Beast, whether it be The Government, the economy, your employer, your spouse etc, will transform into your handsome prince or princess i.e. your beautiful manifestation.

"The whole process of mental, spiritual and material riches may be summed up in one word: Gratitude." -Joeseph Murphy Your infinite power to be rich 1996

How to Change Habits

2007-06-09T10:22:00.000+07:00

Editor's Note - Please do NOT phrase any of your affirmations with the word "want" in it. Instead substitue the words: "have" "choose" "am/be" "allow myself to"

Make it Easier to Change Those Habits
by Lynn Cutts

If you’ve ever tried to change an ingrained habit, or develop a new one, you know that it can be a real struggle, with a lot of self-denial, backsliding, guilt, and frustration. Yet it doesn’t have to be. It’s simply that most people go about changing a habit all wrong. They jump right into it, without any real planning or preparation, hoping to just “gut it out.” As often as not, this approach fails. Here’s why:

1. No focus. Instead of concentrating on one behavior, and working with it until it sticks, many people try to make too big a change all at once. For example, they decide they are going to go on a diet, start exercising and give up smoking all at the same time. Trying to do all that becomes overwhelming, exhausting, and confusing. It’s an almost guaranteed road to failure. Instead, focus only on your top priority – say, losing weight. You can get to the other changes later when you’ve got the first one down.

2. No vision. People don’t have a clear vision of the benefits changing this habit will bring them. By not seeing what they are moving towards, it’s impossible to get - and stay - motivated. Before you get started, write down what you want to change, and why. Spend some time seeing yourself after you’ve successfully made that change. Picture yourself twenty-five pounds lighter. What are you wearing? Where are you going? You’ll be a lot more motivated.

3. No goal. Without a well thought out, specific, measurable goal with a time limit on it, people flounder. “I want to lose weight,” doesn’t have one-tenth the power of, “I want to lose twenty-five pounds by Thanksgiving.” So create a written goal with specifics - and a deadline. That way, you know what you have to do every day to reach it. It’s a lot easier to work with specifics than generalities.

4. No commitment. Often, people think they should change a behavior, or are told that they should, but deep down inside, they don’t want to. So they try to make that change, only to give up after a week or two. Then they feel bad about themselves, figure they’re failures, and give up. The problem lies not in them, but in the lack of commitment. You’ll never succeed in losing those twenty-five pounds if you’re not truly committed. If you’re not sure that you really want to change a habit, work on your motivation and commitment first! Because without those two, you won’t succeed.

5. No plan. Without a plan, people don’t know what actions they need to take in order to change a habit. And without defined actions, it’s too easy to slip into the default mode – the old behavior. Knowing that you are going to lose those twenty-five pounds by cutting out all snacking in the evening (your personal downfall) tells you exactly what you are going to do.

6. No support. People often try to “go it alone” when they’re trying to change a habit. That only makes it nineteen times harder. Having someone who will cajole, cheer, nag and sympathize along the way helps you stick to your guns. A support buddy reminds you why you’re doing this, celebrates your successes, and keeps you pointed in the right direction. A support buddy will be there to talk you out of eating the entire bag of potato chips at 8:30 in the evening, no matter how loud those potato chips are calling.

So there you are, ready to change a habit without struggling. It will still take hard work and self-discipline, but it will be a lot easier to do that hard work and discipline if you avoid those six mistakes.

Improve Your Self Esteem - Image

2007-06-09T10:14:00.000+07:00

Ok, so here's the guaranteed way to boost your self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-image in 30 days or less.

I can promise you that unless you already have a unbelievably high self-esteem or feelings of self-worth one or more of the following thoughts will run through your mind while you do this exercise:

* "This is silly"
* "I look stupid doing this"
* "This doesn't work"
* "Only people with low self-esteems/losers need to do this"
* "How embarrassing"
* "If my friends knew I did this, they would laugh at me"
* "If my spouse knew I did this, (s)he would laugh at me"
* "I don't have time for this"
* This is corny/cheesy
* etc

ALL of those thoughts are a SURE sign that you need to boost your self-image and SHOULD be doing these exercises.

First, I want you think of all the things you WISH you had heard as a child
from your parents, teachers, friends, and other authority figures.

I will give you a "example affirmations lists" later,
but it's very important that you form your own list from your own childhood experiences.

Most of us hear a combination of positive and negative things about ourselves when growing up.
Depending on who was saying it and the tone in which they said it,
those comments formed the unconscious programming
that ultimately determines how successful and happy you will be in life.

Now, once you have your list together,
you will wake up every morning,
go straight to your bathroom mirror,
and repeat those words outloud to yourself while looking in the mirror i
n the most loving and encouraging tones you can manage.
You will do this for at least 30 days.

Wait, did one of the above mentioned thoughts just go through your head??
Great! at least you noticed it.
And now know why you have NOT been leaving the life of your dreams.

If however, you let those thoughts stop you from doing this exercise every day for 30 days,
then quite honestly, I can almost guarantee you will get the same results you have always gotten.

On the other hand, if you recognize those thoughts as past programming that some parent, teacher, or authority figure placed there without your consent and you would like to change it, then CONGRATULATIONS!
You are well on your way to living the live of your dreams. Someone who others will see as a role model, loving friend, parent, and spouse, who is successful, positive and happy.

Now, if you have a small child and you want them to grow up to be wildly successful, healthy, wealthy, and happy, I encourage you to make that same list and repeat it to them every night before you tuck them into sleep.
Like a super-powerful self-esteem lullaby.

Affirmations for Building Self-Esteem

Below is a small sampling of useful affirmations to get you started. As mentioned before, the list should ultimately come from you and your childhood experiences and memories.

* I love and accept myself exactly as I am.
* I now express love to all those I meet.
* I am a radiating center of divine love.
* Divine love is working through me now.
* Love radiates from me at all times.
* I love myself completely.
* Love comes to me easily and effortlessly.
* I give and receive love easily and joyfully.
* Others love me easily and joyfully.
* I now feel loved and appreciated by my parents, my friends.
* I express love freely
* As I give love, I am instantly supplied with more.
* I radiate love to all persons and places and things.
* People are just waiting to love me, and I allow them.
* I breathe in universal love.
* I attract loving, beautiful people into my life.
* I always deserve love.
* I am attracting loving relationships into my life.
* I project love to everyone I meet.
* I love and approve of myself.
* I am special
* I am a beautiful, special person

The Courage to Live Consciously

2007-06-02T03:10:00.000+07:00

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
- Helen Keller

In our day-to-day lives, the virtue of courage doesn't receive much attention. Courage is a quality reserved for soldiers, firefighters, and activists. Security is what matters most today. Perhaps you were taught to avoid being too bold or too brave. It's too dangerous. Don't take unnecessary risks. Don't draw attention to yourself in public. Follow family traditions. Don't talk to strangers. Keep an eye out for suspicious people. Stay safe.

But a side effect of overemphasizing the importance of personal security in your life is that it can cause you to live reactively. Instead of setting your own goals, making plans to achieve them, and going after them with gusto, you play it safe. Keep working at the stable job, even though it doesn't fulfill you. Remain in the unsatisfying relationship, even though you feel dead inside compared to the passion you once had. Who are you to think that you can buck the system? Accept your lot in life, and make the best of it. Go with the flow, and don't rock the boat. Your only hope is that the currents of life will pull you in a favorable direction.

No doubt there exist real dangers in life you must avoid. But there's a huge gulf between recklessness and courage. I'm not referring to the heroic courage required to risk your life to save someone from a burning building. By courage I mean the ability to face down those imaginary fears and reclaim the far more powerful life that you've denied yourself. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of going broke. Fear of being alone. Fear of humiliation. Fear of public speaking. Fear of being ostracized by family and friends. Fear of physical discomfort. Fear of regret. Fear of success.

How many of these fears are holding you back? How would you live if you had no fear at all? You'd still have your intelligence and common sense to safely navigate around any real dangers, but without feeling the emotion of fear, would you be more willing to take risks, especially when the worst case wouldn't actually hurt you at all? Would you speak up more often, talk to more strangers, ask for more sales, dive headlong into those ambitious projects you've been dreaming about? What if you even learned to enjoy the things you currently fear? What kind of difference would that make in your life?

Have you previously convinced yourself that you aren't really afraid of anything... that there are always good and logical reasons why you don't do certain things? It would be rude to introduce yourself to a stranger. You shouldn't attempt public speaking because you don't have anything to say. Asking for a raise would be improper because you're supposed to wait until the next formal review. They're just rationalizations though - think about how your life would change if you could confidently and courageously do these things with no fear at all.

What Is Courage?

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
- Ambrose Redmoon

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
- Mark Twain

Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.
- John Wayne

I like the definitions of courage above, which all suggest that courage is the ability to get yourself to take action in spite of fear. The word courage derives from the Latin cor, which means "heart." But true courage is more a matter of intellect than of feeling. It requires using the uniquely human part of your brain (the neocortex) to wrest control away from the emotional limbic brain you share in common with other mammals. Your limbic brain signals danger, but your neocortex reasons that the danger isn't real, so you simply feel the fear and take action anyway. The more you learn to act in spite of fear, the more human you become. The more you follow the fear, the more you live like a lower mammal. So the question, "Are you a man or a mouse?" is consistent with human neurology.

Courageous people are still afraid, but they don't let the fear paralyze them. People who lack courage will give into fear more often than not, which actually has the long-term effect of strengthening the fear. When you avoid facing a fear and then feel relieved that you escaped it, this acts as a psychological reward that reinforces the mouse-like avoidance behavior, making you even more likely to avoid facing the fear in the future. So the more you avoid asking someone out on a date, the more paralyzed you'll feel about taking such actions in the future. You are literally conditioning yourself to become more timid and mouse-like.

Such avoidance behavior causes stagnation in the long run. As you get older, you reinforce your fear reactions to the point where it's hard to even imagine yourself standing up to your fears. You begin taking your fears for granted; they become real to you. You cocoon yourself into a life that insulates you from all these fears: a stable but unhappy marriage, a job that doesn't require you to take risks, an income that keeps you comfortable. Then you rationalize your behavior: You have a family to support and can't take risks, you're too old to shift careers, you can't lose weight because you have "fat" genes. Five years... ten years... twenty years pass, and you realize that your life hasn't changed all that much. You've settled down. All that's really left now is to live out the remainder of your years as contently as possible and then settle yourself into the ground, where you'll finally achieve total safety and security.

But there's something else going on behind the scenes, isn't there? That tiny voice in the back of your mind recalls that this isn't the kind of life you wanted to live. It wants more, much more. It wants you to become far wealthier, to have an outstanding relationship, to get your body in peak physical condition, to learn new skills, to travel the world, to have lots of wonderful friends, to help people in need, to make a meaningful difference. That voice tells you that settling into a job where you sell widgets the rest of your life just won't cut it. That voice frowns at you when you catch a glance of your oversized belly in the mirror or get winded going up a flight of stairs. It beams disappointment when it sees what's become of your family. It tells you that the reason you have trouble motivating yourself is that you aren't doing what you really ought to be doing with your life... because you're afraid. And if you refuse to listen, it will always be there, nagging you about your mediocre results until you die, full of regrets for what might have been.

So how do you respond to this ornery voice that won't shut up? What do you do when confronted by that gut feeling that something just isn't right in your life? What's your favorite way to silence it? Maybe drown it out by watching TV, listening to the radio, working long hours at an unfulfilling job, or consuming alcohol and caffeine and sugar.

But whenever you do this, you lower your level of consciousness. You sink closer towards an instinctive animal and move away from becoming a fully conscious human being. You react to life instead of proactively going after your goals. You fall into a state of learned helplessness, where you begin to believe that your goals are no longer possible or practical for you. You become more and more like a mouse, even trying to convince yourself that life as a mouse might not be so bad after all, since everyone around you seems to be OK with it. You surround yourself with your fellow mice, and on the rare occasions that you encounter a fully conscious human being, it scares the hell out of you to remember how much of your own courage has been lost.

Raise Your Consciousness

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
- Anais Nin

Courage is the price that Life exacts for granting peace.
- Amelia Earhart

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The way out of this vicious cycle is to summon your courage and confront that inner voice. Find a place where you can be alone with pen and paper (or computer and keyboard). Listen to that voice, and face up to what it's telling you, no matter how difficult it is to hear. (The voice is just an abstraction - you may not hear words at all; instead you may see what you should be doing or simply feel it emotionally. But I'll continue to refer to the voice for the sake of example.) This voice may tell you that your marriage has been dead for ten years, and you're refusing to face it because you're afraid of divorce. It may tell you that you're afraid that if you start your own business, you'll probably fail, and that's why you're staying at a job that doesn't challenge you to grow. It may tell you that you've given up trying to lose weight because you've failed at it so many times, and you're addicted to food. It may tell you that the friends you're hanging out with now are incongruent with the person you want to be, and that you need to leave that reference group behind and build a new one. It may tell you that you always wanted to be an actor or writer, but you settled for a sales job because it seemed more safe and secure. It may tell you that you always wanted to help people in need, but you aren't doing so in the way you should. It may tell you that you're wasting your talents.

See if you can reduce that voice to just a single word or two. What is it telling you to do? Leave. Quit. Speak. Write. Dance. Act. Exercise. Sell. Switch. Move on. Let go. Ask. Learn. Forgive. Whatever you get from this, write it down. Perhaps you even have different words for each area of your life.

Now you have to take the difficult step of consciously acknowledging that this is what you really want. It's OK if you don't think it's possible for you. It's OK if you don't see how you could ever have it. But don't deny that you want it. You lower your consciousness when you do that. When you look at your overweight body, admit that you really want to be fit and healthy. When you light up that next cigarette, don't deny that you want to be a nonsmoker. When you meet the potential mate of your dreams, don't deny that you'd love to be in a relationship with that person. When you meet a person who seems to be at total peace with herself, don't deny that you crave that level of inner peace too. Get yourself out of denial. Move instead to a place where you admit, "I really do want this, but I just don't feel I currently have the ability to get it." It's perfectly OK to want something that you don't think you can have. And you're almost certainly wrong in concluding that you can't have it. But first, stop lying to yourself and pretending you don't really want it.

Move From Fear to Action, Even if You Expect to Fail

When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them.
- Orison Swett Marden

Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.
- John Quincy Adams

Now that you've acknowledged some things you've been afraid to face, how do you feel? You probably still feel paralyzed against taking action. That's OK. While diving right in and confronting a fear head-on can be very effective, that may require more courage than you feel you can summon right now.

The most important point I want you to learn from this article is that real courage is a mental skill, not an emotional one. Neurologically it means using the thinking neocortex part of your brain to override the emotional limbic impulses. In other words, you use your human intelligence, logic, and independent will to overcome the limitations you've inherited as an emotional mammal.

Now this may make logical sense, but it's far easier said than done. You may logically know you're in no real danger if you get up on a stage and speak in front of 1000 people, but your fear kicks in anyway, and the imaginary threat prevents you from volunteering for anything like this. Or you may know you're in a dead end job, but you can't seem to bring yourself to say the words, "I quit."

Courage, however, doesn't require that you take drastic action in these situations. Courage is a learned mental skill that you must condition, just as weight training strengthens your muscles. You wouldn't go into a gym for the first time and try to lift 300 pounds, so don't think that to be courageous you must tackle your most paralyzing fear right away.

There are two methods I will suggest for building courage. The first approach is analogous to progressive weight training. Start with weights you can lift but which are challenging for you, and then progressively train up to heavier and heavier weights as you grow stronger. So tackle your smallest fears first, and progressively train up to bigger and bigger fears. Training yourself to lift 300 pounds isn't so hard if you've already lifted 290. Similarly, speaking in front of an audience of 1000 people isn't so tough once you've already spoken to 900.

So grab a piece of paper, and write down one of your fears that you'd like to overcome. Then number from one to ten, and write out ten variations of this fear, with number one being the least anxiety-producing and number ten being the most anxiety-producing. This is your fear hierarchy. For example, if you're afraid of asking someone out on a date, then number one on your list might be going out to a public place and smiling at someone you find attractive (very mild fear). Number two might be smiling at ten attractive strangers in a single day. Number ten might be asking out your ideal date in front of all your mutual friends, when you're almost certain you'll be turned down flat and everyone in the room will laugh (extreme fear). Now start by setting a goal to complete number one on your list. Once you've had that success (and success in this case simply means taking action, regardless of the outcome), then move on to number two, and so on, until you're ready to tackle number ten or you just don't feel the fear is limiting you anymore. You may need to adjust the items on your list to make them practical for you to actually experience. And if you ever feel the next step is too big, then break it down into additional gradients. If you can lift 290 pounds but not 300, then try 295 or even 291. Take this process as gradually as you need to, such that the next step is a mild challenge for you but one you feel fairly confident you can complete. And feel free to repeat a past step multiple times if you find it helpful to prepare you for the next step. Pace yourself.

By following this progressive training process, you'll accomplish two things. You'll cease reinforcing the fear/avoidance response that you exhibited in the past. And you'll condition yourself to act more courageously in future situations. So your feelings of fear will diminish at the same time that your expression of courage grows. Neurologically you'll be weakening the limbic control over your actions while strengthening the neocortical control, gradually moving from unconscious mouse-like to conscious human-like behavior.

The second approach to building courage is to acquire additional knowledge and skill within the domain of your fear. Confronting fears head-on can be helpful, but if your fear is largely due to ignorance and lack of skill, then you can usually reduce or eliminate the fear with information and training. For example, if you're afraid to quit your job and start your own business, even though you'd absolutely love to be in business for yourself, then start reading books and taking classes on how to start your own business. Spend an afternoon at your local library researching the subject, or do the research online. Join the local Chamber of Commerce and any relevant trade organizations in your field. Attend conferences. Build connections. Enlist the help of a mentor. Build your skill to the point where you start to feel confident that you could actually succeed, and this knowledge will help you act more boldly and courageously when you're ready. This method is especially effective when a large part of your fear is due to the unknown. Often just reading a book or two on the subject will be enough to dispel the fear so that you're able to take action.

These two methods are my personal favorites, but there are many additional ways to condition yourself to overcome fear, including neuro-linguistic programming, implosion therapy, systematic desensitization, and self-confrontation. You can research them via an online search engine if you wish to learn such methods and increase the number of fear-busting tools in your arsenal. Most of these can be easily self-administered (implosion therapy is the notable exception).

The exact process you use to build courage isn't important. What's important is that you consciously do it. Just as your muscles will atrophy if you don't regularly stress them, your courage will atrophy if you don't consistently challenge yourself to face down your fears. In the absence of this kind of conscious conditioning, you'll automatically become weak in both body and mind. If you aren't regularly exercising your courage, then you are strengthening your fear by default; there is no middle ground. Just as your muscles automatically atrophy from lack of use, so your courage will automatically decay in the absence of conscious conditioning.

Now this may sound overly gloomy, so here's a positive way to look at it. Heavy weights can be a physical burden, but they are helpful tools to build strong muscles. You would not look at a 45-pound dumbbell and say, "Why must you be so heavy?" It is what it is. Heaviness is your thought, not an intrinsic property of the dumbbell itself. Similarly, do not look at the things you fear and say, "Why must you be so scary?" Fear is your reaction, not a property of the object of your anxiety.

Fear is not your enemy. It is a compass pointing you to the areas where you need to grow. So when you encounter a new fear within yourself, celebrate it as an opportunity for growth, just as you would celebrate reaching a new personal best with strength training.

Catch a Glimpse of Your Own Greatness

Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.
- Erica Jong

The highest courage is to dare to appear to be what one is.
- John Lancaster Spalding

Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

So what do you do with your newly developed courage? Where will it lead you? The answer is that it will permit you to lead a far more fulfilling and meaningful life. You will truly begin living as a daring human being instead of a timid mouse. You will uncover and develop your greatest talents. You will begin living far more consciously and deliberately than you ever have before. Instead of reacting to events, you will proactively manufacture your own events.

Courage is something you can only truly experience alone. It is a private victory, not a public one. Summoning the courage to listen to your innermost desires is not a group activity and does not result from building a consensus with others. Kahlil Gibran writes in The Prophet, "The vision of one man lends not its wings to another man." The purpose of your existence is yours alone to discover. No one on earth has lived through the exact same experiences you have, and no one thinks the exact same thoughts you do.

On the one hand, this is a lonely realization. Whether you live alone or enjoy the deepest intimacy with a loving partner, deep down you must still face the reality that your life is yours alone to live. You can choose to temporarily yield control of your life to others, whether it be to a company, a spouse, or simply to the pressures of daily living, but you can never give away your personal responsibility for the results. Whether you assume direct and conscious control over your life or merely react to events as they happen to you, you and you alone must bear the consequences.

If you commit to following the path of courage, you will ultimately be forced to confront what is perhaps the greatest fear of all - that you are far more powerful and capable than you initially realized, that your ultimate potential is far greater than anything you've experienced in your past, and that with this power comes tremendous responsibility. You may not be able to solve all the woes of this planet, but if you ever do commit yourself 100% to the fulfillment of your true potential, you can significantly impact the lives of many people, and that impact will ripple through the future for generations to come.

What is the difference between you and one of those legendary historical figures who did have such an impact? You both had many of the same fears. You both were born with talents in some areas and weaknesses in others. The only thing stopping you is fear, and the only thing that will get you past it is courage. What you do with your life isn't up to your parents, your boss, or your spouse. It's up to you and you alone.

Catching a glimpse of your own greatness can be one of the most unsettling experiences imaginable. And even more disturbing is the awareness of the tremendous challenges that await you if you accept it. Living consciously is not an easy path, but it is a uniquely human experience, and it requires making the committed decision to permanently let go of that mouse within you. Going after your greatest and most ambitious dreams and experiencing failure and disappointment, running butt up against your most humbling human limitations instead of living with a comfortable padding of potential - these fears are common to us all.

The first few times you encounter such fears, you may quickly retreat back to the illusory security of life as a mouse. But if you keep exercising your courage, you will eventually mature to the point where you can openly accept the challenges and responsibilities of life as a fully conscious human being. Continuing to live as a mouse will simply hold no more interest for you. You will acknowledge within the deepest recesses of your being, I have awakened to this incredible potential within me, and I accept what that will require of me. Whatever it costs me, whatever I must sacrifice to follow this path, bring it on. I'm ready. Even though you will still experience fear, you will recognize it for the illusion it is, and you will know how to use your human courage to face it down, such that fear will no longer have the power to stop you.

Embrace the Daring Adventure

Before you embark on any path ask the question, does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it and then you must choose another path. The trouble is that nobody asks the question. And when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart the path is ready to kill him.
- Carlos Castaneda

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
- Kahlil Gibran

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
- Dale Carnegie

As you develop a sense of your true purpose in life, you may begin to feel an uneasy disconnect between your current life situation and the one you envision moving towards. These two worlds may seem so different to you that you cannot mentally conceive of how to build a bridge between them. How can you balance the practical reality of taking care of your third-dimensional obligations like earning money to pay your bills and taxes, pleasing your boss, raising your family, and maintaining social relationships with people who can't even relate to what you're experiencing vs. the new vision of yourself you desperately want to move towards? A whole host of new fears may crop up related to this seemingly impossible shift. How will you support yourself? What will become of your relationships? Are you just deluding yourself?

The best advice I can give you here is to forget about trying to build a bridge. Focus instead on independently beginning the process of manifesting the new vision of yourself from scratch, as if it were a totally separate thread in your life. If this creates a temporary incongruence in your life, just do it anyway. For example, suppose you currently work as a divorce attorney, but your courage tells you that you must eventually abandon such adversarial work. You envision yourself passionately teaching couples how to heal their broken relationships. But you can't even fathom yourself as a trial lawyer trying to speak about healthy relationships, and on top of that problem, you can't see any way to make a decent living in this new career, at least not quickly. There's just too big a disconnect between this new vision and practical reality. So instead of trying to bridge this gap, just begin building your new vision completely from scratch in whatever time you have, even if it's only an hour or two each week. Keep doing your regular work as an attorney, but in your spare time, start posting anonymously on relationship message boards to give couples advice on how to heal their relationships. Use the oratory skills you developed as an attorney to begin speaking to small groups about healing relationships. Perhaps create a new web site, and start writing and posting articles about your new passion. You don't have to hide the fact that you're an attorney, but don't worry about bridging these two worlds. Live in paradox. Just start developing the new you, and allow the old one to continue in parallel for a while.

What will happen is that you'll develop skill in your new undertaking, and you'll eventually be able to support yourself from it, even if you can't see how to do so right away. You may not be able to see a way to support yourself in your new vision right now, and that's fine. Just begin it anyway, doing it for free, without any concern of how to turn it into a new full-time career. Patiently wait for clarity; you will eventually find a way to make it work. Then when the time is right, you'll be able to peacefully let go of the old career and focus all your energy on the new one. At some point you'll be able to commit fully to your new self. Your passion for your new work will eventually overwhelm your fear of letting go of your old source of stability. So instead of trying to transform your old career into your new one, just start the process of building your new one, and let your old one gradually fade. Even if you can only invest an hour a week in your new undertaking, you will probably discover that this hour is more fulfilling to you than all the other hours put together, and that passion will drive you to find a way to gradually grow this presence until it fills up most of your days. The most important thing is to begin now by introducing your new vision of yourself to your daily life, even if you can only initially do so in a small way.

No matter how difficult it may seem, make the choice to live consciously. Do not succumb to that half-conscious realm of fear-based thinking, filling your life with distractions to avoid facing what you feel in those silent spaces between your thoughts. Either exercise your human endowment of courage and progressively build the strength to face your deepest, darkest fears to live as the powerful being you truly are, or admit that your fears are too much for you, and embrace life as a mouse. But make this choice consciously and with full awareness of its consequences. If you are going to allow fear to win the battle for your life, then proclaim it the victor and forfeit the match. If you simply avoid living consciously and courageously, then that is equivalent to giving up on life itself, where your continued existence becomes little more than a waiting period before physical death - the nothing as opposed to the daring adventure.

Don't die without embracing the daring adventure your life is meant to be. You may go broke. You may experience failure and rejection repeatedly. You may endure multiple dysfunctional relationships. But these are all milestones along the path of a life lived courageously. They are your private victories, carving a deeper space within you to be filled with an abundance of joy, happiness, and fulfillment. So go ahead and feel the fear - then summon the courage to follow your dreams anyway. That is strength undefeatable.

This article is copyright © by Steve Pavlina and is reprinted with permission. For more personal development articles, visit Steve Pavlina's Personal Development for Smart People.

Living Congruently

2007-06-02T03:05:00.000+07:00

Do you tend to compartmentalize all the different areas of your life? Career goes there, relationship goes here, spirituality fits there, and health … well, that’s neither here nor there.

Or maybe your compartmentalizing is temporal instead of spatial in your thinking. During the workday you do what you must, this evening you’ll do what you love and have some fun, and on Sunday you’ll think about what it means.

Or perhaps you experience a feeling of compartmentalizing thought vs. action: “I’m spending X% of my time thinking and Y% of my time acting.”

When you view your life as a series of different compartments, each with different rules, then life gets pretty complicated. Trying to achieve balance is very difficult because you constantly feel the need to task switch. My relationship needs attention. Oh no, I’ve been neglecting my health. I need to work harder. I’ve got to stop thinking so much and take more action.

The different “bins” of your life are all fighting for your time. And the longer you neglect one of those bins, the louder it gets and the harder it will fight for attention. Put off your health for too long, and you’ll crash with an illness. Put off your relationship for too long, and a breakup may be the result. Put off your work, and your career and income will suffer.

This is a paradigm that many people share. Keep all your balls in the air. Keep all those plates spinning. Don’t let your spiritual beliefs interfere with your work.

But I think it’s a broken paradigm. Let’s consider a different way of thinking….

What if your life had only one bin, one ball to juggle, one plate to spin. Just one. No need to deal with 10 different areas of your life and keep them all balanced. Just one.

How is this possible? It’s possible if all of those different areas of your life are congruent, if they all follow the same rules. Then thought and action are one, both pointing in the same direction. They’re on the same path. Your work is congruent with your most deeply held spiritual beliefs — you don’t have to take your spirituality offline when you go to work. Improving your health improves your relationship. Increasing your income increases your service.

This means moving from a paradigm of the different parts of your life being in conflict to a new paradigm where they all cooperate. Instead of seeing each part of your life as independent, you begin to see them as interdependent. And isn’t this a more accurate model anyway? Can you truly isolate each part of your life as something separate? Can you abuse your health and think it won’t affect your career or your relationships? Do you think your feelings about your relationship won’t affect your financial situation? Can you ignore your spiritual beliefs when making business decisions and expect no negative consequences?

It seems obvious that all the different parts of your life are deeply interconnected. But a common way to treat problems is to try to isolate them. If there’s a problem with your health, you need to diet and exercise. If there’s a problem in your career, it’s time to work harder. But this isolation protocol doesn’t work well because there’s too much overlap between all the different parts of your life, no matter how much you try to isolate the problem areas and go to work on them.

It’s often the case that the obvious cause of the problem isn’t the true source. If you feel lonely because you haven’t been able to find the right relationship, and you keep trying harder and harder to find a relationship, you may get nowhere. The problem may be that you work at a career you aren’t passionate about, and you project this lack of passion to everyone you meet. And still a deeper issue may be that your spiritual beliefs tell you that service to others is very important, but you don’t feel you’re doing that. Then you change careers to do what you love, and it aligns with your spiritual beliefs because now you feel you’re contributing and serving. Then out of nowhere, you meet your future spouse, who is attracted to your passion about your work and the contribution you’re making. And the encouragement you experience from this relationship in turn helps you advance your career, increase your income, and free up more time to spend with your new spouse. Your stress goes down, and your health improves too. Your inner spiritual conflict was the real source of your inability to find the right relationship. Everything is deeply interconnected.

Although it seems that each part of your life follows different rules, they all follow the same rules. You may have different values for each part of your life, but the rules that govern those areas don’t change.

An example of an unchanging rule is kindness. The concept of kindness should resonate with your spiritual beliefs. You can be kind to your body, and your health will improve. You can be kind to your co-workers, and your relationships with them will improve. You can be kind to your spouse, and your marriage will grow stronger. You can be kind to a stranger, and your self-esteem will increase. It doesn’t matter to which area of your life you apply the principle of kindness. Its application is universal.

Another universal rule is being proactive, assuming personal responsibility for results and taking positive action. It doesn’t matter where you apply this rule: health, relationships, emotions, spiritual beliefs, career, business, money, etc. Being responsible works no matter where you apply it.

Cheating is another universal principle. No matter where you apply it, the long-term results are negative. Cheat your health, and pay the price of sickness. Cheat in your relationship, and the cost is a loss of intimacy. Cheat in your education, and your income suffers.

But more powerful than these intra-area effects, there’s the rippling effect due to the interrelatedness of all areas. So if you apply a universal principle in one area, either positively or negatively, it ripples into all other areas. If you cheat your health, then in the long run this will hurt your career, your relationships, your finances, your emotional state, and your sense of spiritual connectedness. You can’t cheat in one area of your life without suffering the consequences in ALL areas.

Similarly, be kind to your body, and your increased positive energy will positively affect your relationships, your work, your finances, your emotions, etc. Be proactive about building a career you enjoy, and your passion will spread to every other area.

If you violate a universal principle, it negatively impacts all areas of your life. If you follow a universal principle, it positively impacts all areas of your life. Universal principles don’t compartmentalize.

So the key then is figuring out these universal principles and aligning your thoughts and actions with them. This is how you achieve congruence between all the different parts of your life.

So what are the universal principles? Stephen Covey claims that the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People are based on universal principles. I tend to agree, and that’s a good place to start. But I think all of these principles can be reduced to just one: to love. Not the passive squishy emotional feeling of love, but “to love” — the action verb. To love your body translates into proper diet and exercise. To love your mind equates with learning. To love others is service. To love your work is to do it passionately and enthusiastically. To love your feelings means to respect and honor the messages they send you. This verb translates into different specific actions for each area, but the underlying principle is the same. Depending on the situation, “to love” may mean to listen, to serve, to work, to relax, to touch, and so on.

When you start injecting universal principles into every area of your life, alignment will gradually occur. The parts of your life will be transformed such that all these different pieces assemble themselves into one congruent whole. You won’t feel like these different parts of your life are in competition for your time and attention. Instead you’ll feel a sense of internal cooperation. You will have a sense that exercising your body is the best thing for your health and your relationship and your career and your spirituality.

Within each area you’ll either adapt your current circumstances to align with universal principles, or you’ll let go of all the misaligned pieces and start fresh. So your career may shift slightly as you adapt, or you may switch to a whole new career. Your old relationships may transform, or they may end while you seek out new ones. It just depends on how well the external parts of your life are able to align with who you are.

Alignment comes down to working on these four questions until they all produce the same answer:

* What do you want to do? (desire)
* What can you do? (ability)
* What should you do? (purpose)
* What must you do? (need)

When these four areas are aligned, motivation occurs automatically. Thought and action are automatically balanced because you are living your purpose consciously. You won’t feel like you should be thinking when you’re acting or acting when you’re thinking. The line between thought and action will disappear. Being and doing will become the same thing.

When you experience misalignment between these four areas/questions, the natural tendency is to slow down… sometimes to a crawl. You’ll feel like you have all these ideas pulling you in different directions, but you aren’t fully satisfying any of them. Your mind knows that continuing to work hard is likely to be futile and won’t solve the real problem of incongruence. It knows it’s time for you to stop, ask directions, and choose the path of alignment.

I went through this while running my games business. While I had many projects to grow the business, I knew deep down that I didn’t want to run that business for another decade. I was containerizing everything: my health over here, my relationship there, my work here, and my spirituality there. Each part of my life felt like it had its own set of rules. Eventually I started questioning whether this was the best way to live. Are we supposed to live like a collection of parts or as an integrated whole? I wondered whether it would be possible to live in such a way where there was only one set of rules governing all areas, essentially meaning that I followed my deepest spiritual beliefs in all matters. This line of questioning led me to discover just how it might be possible for all these different parts of my life might become a single, integrated whole. This would mean that my business and my conscience and my interpersonal relationships were all one. There would be no sense of separation.

In order to go through this process, I had to transform certain parts of my life while totally shifting others. I tried to transform my career initially from within, but the disconnect was big enough that it required a more dramatic shift. Other parts of my life were able to adapt more flexibly. The main reason for my shift away from my games business was that it wasn’t a strong enough outlet for service for me. I think that given enough time, the original business could have been shifted, but that wasn’t the best route for me too take. It was faster and simpler to build a new business from scratch with the goal of congruence in mind than to try to refactor the existing business.

I must say that this push for congruence in all areas turned out beautifully. I don’t feel that sense of separation between the different parts of my life anymore. My purpose says I’m here to serve and help people. My ability says I can do it through writing and speaking and running a web site. My needs say I must support myself doing it. And my passion says it’s what I love doing most. I don’t have to separate supporting myself with a job and then having fun on the weekends and thinking about spirituality at other times. Work = play = love.

When you live congruently, it’s as if all the different parts of your life lock into new positions to form a new whole that’s greater than all the individual pieces. Everything grows stronger: health, relationships, motivation, actions, results, etc.

I know that as a practical matter, it seems as though different rules often govern in different areas. Separating your spiritual beliefs from your work is very common. A lot of businesses seem to operate on the assumption that universal principles don’t exist. I don’t buy that at all. There are non-universal principles that apply just within their own domains (the rules of nutrition apply to your health but not to your work, for instance), but universal principles apply to all areas. I think that one’s spiritual beliefs are the single most important factor in choosing a career or a company to work for. If you have a deeply held belief that you hold sacred, you cannot violate it in any area of your life without suffering the consequences in all areas. You must be true to your inner self at all times. That’s the only way to be congruent and to live as a whole person instead of merely as a bag of competing parts.

When you live congruently, a quantum leap will occur in each of these four areas. Desire becomes passion. Purpose becomes mission. Need becomes abundance. Ability becomes talent. And it becomes almost ridiculously easy to achieve fulfillment in every area then because all the parts are working together in the same direction.

This article is copyright © by Steve Pavlina and is reprinted with permission. For more personal development articles, visit Steve Pavlina's Personal Development for Smart People.

Levels of Consciousness

2007-06-02T03:00:00.001+07:00

In the book Power vs. Force by David R. Hawkins, there’s a hierarchy of levels of human consciousness. It’s an interesting paradigm. If you read the book, it’s also fairly easy to figure out where you fall on this hierarchy based on your current life situation.

From low to high, the levels of consciousness are: shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire, anger, pride, courage, neutrality, willingness, acceptance, reason, love, joy, peace, enlightenment.

While we can pop in and out of different levels at various times, usually there’s a predominant “normal” state for us. If you’re reading this blog, chances are you’re at least at the level of courage because if you were at a lower level, you’d likely have no conscious interest in personal growth.

I’ll go over these levels in order, mostly focusing on the ones between courage and reason, since that’s the range where you’re most likely to land. The labels are Hawkins’. The descriptions of each level are based on Hawkins’ descriptions but blended with my own thoughts. Hawkins defines this as a logarithmic scale, so there are far fewer people at the higher levels than at the lower ones. An increase from one level to another will result in enormous change in your life.

Shame - Just a step above death. You’re probably contemplating suicide at this level. Either that or you’re a serial killer. Think of this as self-directed hatred.

Guilt - A step above shame, but you still may be having thoughts of suicide. You think of yourself as a sinner, unable to forgive yourself for past transgressions.

Apathy - Feeling hopeless or victimized. The state of learned helplessness. Many homeless people are stuck here.

Grief - A state of perpetual sadness and loss. You might drop down here after losing a loved one. Depression. Still higher than apathy, since you’re beginning to escape the numbness.

Fear - Seeing the world as dangerous and unsafe. Paranoia. Usually you’ll need help to rise above this level, or you’ll remain trapped for a long time, such as in an abusive relationship.

Desire - Not to be confused with setting and achieving goals, this is the level of addiction, craving, and lust — for money, approval, power, fame, etc. Consumerism. Materialism. This is the level of smoking and drinking and doing drugs.

Anger - the level of frustration, often from not having your desires met at the lower level. This level can spur you to action at higher levels, or it can keep you stuck in hatred. In an abusive relationship, you’ll often see an anger person coupled with a fear person.

Pride - The first level where you start to feel good, but it’s a false feeling. It’s dependent on external circumstances (money, prestige, etc), so it’s vulnerable. Pride can lead to nationalism, racism, and religious wars. Think Nazis. A state of irrational denial and defensiveness. Religious fundamentalism is also stuck at this level. You become so closely enmeshed in your beliefs that you see an attack on your beliefs as an attack on you.

Courage - The first level of true strength. I’ve made a previous post about this level: Courage is the Gateway. This is where you start to see life as challenging and exciting instead of overwhelming. You begin to have an inkling of interest in personal growth, although at this level you’ll probably call it something else like skill-building, career advancement, education, etc. You start to see your future as an improvement upon your past, rather than a continuation of the same.

Neutrality - This level is epitomized by the phrase, “live and let live.” It’s flexible, relaxed, and unattached. Whatever happens, you roll with the punches. You don’t have anything to prove. You feel safe and get along well with other people. A lot of self-employed people are at this level. A very comfortable place. The level of complacency and laziness. You’re taking care of your needs, but you don’t push yourself too hard.

Willingness - Now that you’re basically safe and comfortable, you start using your energy more effectively. Just getting by isn’t good enough anymore. You begin caring about doing a good job — perhaps even your best. You think about time management and productivity and getting organized, things that weren’t so important to you at the level of neutrality. Think of this level as the development of willpower and self-discipline. These people are the “troopers” of society; they get things done well and don’t complain much. If you’re in school, then you’re a really good student; you take your studies seriously and put in the time to do a good job. This is the point where your consciousness becomes more organized and disciplined.

Acceptance - Now a powerful shift happens, and you awaken to the possibilities of living proactively. At the level of willingness you’ve become competent, and now you want to put your abilities to good use. This is the level of setting and achieving goals. I don’t like the label “acceptance” that Hawkins uses here, but it basically means that you begin accepting responsibility for your role in the world. If something isn’t right about your life (your career, your health, your relationship), you define your desired outcome and change it. You start to see the big picture of your life more clearly. This level drives many people to switch careers, start a new business, or change their diets.

Reason - At this level you transcend the emotional aspects of the lower levels and begin to think clearly and rationally. Hawkins defines this as the level of medicine and science. The way I see it, when you reach this level, you become capable of using your reasoning abilities to their fullest extent. You now have the discipline and the proactivity to fully exploit your natural abilities. You’ve reached the point where you say, “Wow. I can do all this stuff, and I know I must put it to good use. So what’s the best use of my talents?” You take a look around the world and start making meaningful contributions. At the very high end, this is the level of Einstein and Freud. It’s probably obvious that most people never reach this level in their entire lives.

Love - I don’t like Hawkins’ label “love” here because this isn’t the emotion of love. It’s unconditional love, a permanent understanding of your connectedness with all that exists. Think compassion. At the level of reason, you live in service to your head. But that eventually becomes a dead end where you fall into the trap of over-intellectualizing. You see that you need a bigger context than just thinking for its own sake. At the level of love, you now place your head and all your other talents and abilities in service to your heart (not your emotions, but your greater sense of right and wrong — your conscience). I see this as the level of awakening to your true purpose. Your motives at this level are pure and uncorrupted by the desires of the ego. This is the level of lifetime service to humanity. Think Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Dr. Albert Schweitzer. At this level you also begin to be guided by a force greater than yourself. It’s a feeling of letting go. Your intuition becomes extremely strong. Hawkins claims this level is reached only by 1 in 250 people during their entire lifetimes.

Joy - A state of pervasive, unshakable happiness. Eckhart Tolle describes this state in The Power of Now. The level of saints and advanced spiritual teachers. Just being around people at this level makes you feel incredible. At this level life is fully guided by synchronicity and intuition. There’s no more need to set goals and make detailed plans — the expansion of your consciousness allows you to operate at a much higher level. A near-death experience can temporarily bump you to this level.

Peace - Total transcendence. Hawkins claims this level is reached only by one person in 10 million.

Enlightenment - The highest level of human consciousness, where humanity blends with divinity. Extremely rare. The level of Krishna, Buddha, and Jesus. Even just thinking about people at this level can raise your consciousness.

I think you’ll find this model worthy of reflection. Not only people but also objects, events, and whole societies can be ranked at these levels. Within your own life, you’ll see that some parts of your life are at different levels than others, but you should be able to identify your current overall level. You might be at the level of neutrality overall but still be addicted to smoking (level of desire). The lower levels you find within yourself will serve as a drag that holds the rest of you back. But you’ll also find higher levels in your life. You may be at the level of acceptance and read a book at the level of reason and feel really inspired. Think about the strongest influences in your life right now. Which ones raise your consciousness? Which ones lower it?

One thing I like about these levels of consciousness is that I can trace back over my own life and see how I’ve been moving through them. I remember being stuck at the level of guilt for a long time – as a child I was indoctrinated into a belief system where I was a helpless sinner, being judged according to the standards of someone at the level of love or higher. From there I graduated to the state of apathy, feeling numb to the whole thing. By high school I had reached the level of pride — I was a straight-A student, captain of the Academic Decathlon team, showered with accolades and awards, but I became dependent on them. I hit the level of Courage in my late teens, but the courage was very unfocused, and I overdid it and got myself into all sorts of trouble. I then spent about a year in neutrality and moved through willingness and acceptance during my 20s with a lot of conscious effort. At present I’m at the level of reason and getting closer and closer to completing the leap to love. I experience the state of love more and more often, and it’s guiding many of my decisions already, but it hasn’t yet stuck as my natural state. I’ve also experienced the state of joy for days at a time, but never with any permanence yet. That state is a pervasive feeling of natural euphoria, as if I’m exploding on the inside with positive energy. It literally forces me to smile. I’ve been in that state for most of this morning, probably because I haven’t eaten anything yet today (I find it easier to hit that state of consciousness when I eat lightly or not at all).

We’ll naturally fluctuate between multiple states throughout the course of any given week, so you’ll probably see a range of 3-4 levels where you spend most of your time. One way to figure out your “natural” state is to think about how you perform under pressure. If you squeeze an orange, you get orange juice because that’s what’s inside. What comes out of you when you get squeezed by external events? Do you become paranoid and shut down (fear)? Do you start yelling at people (anger)? Do you become defensive (pride)? What happens to me under pressure is that I become hyper-analytical, but recently I just had a pressure situation where I handled it mostly by intuition, which was a big change for me. This tells me I’m getting close to the unconditional love state because in that state, intuition can be effectively accessed even under pressure.

Everything in your environment will have an effect on your level of consciousness. TV. Movies. Books. Web sites. People. Places. Objects. Food. If you’re at the level of reason, watching TV news (which is predominantly at the levels of fear and desire) will temporarily lower your consciousness. If you’re at the level of guilt, TV news will actually raise it up.

Progressing from one level to the next requires an enormous amount of energy. I wrote about this previously when discussing quantum leaps. Without conscious effort or the help of others, you’ll likely just stay at your current level until some outside force comes into your life.

Notice the natural progression of levels, and consider what happens when you try to short-cut the process. If you try to reach the level of reason before mastering self-discipline (willingness) and goal-setting (acceptance), you’ll be too disorganized and unfocused to use your mind to its full extent. If you try to push yourself to the level of love before you’ve mastered reason, you’ll suffer from gullibility and may end up in a cult.

Going up even one level can be extremely hard; most people don’t do so in their entire lives. A change in just one level can radically alter everything in your life. This is why people below the level of courage aren’t likely to progress without external help. Courage is required to work on this consciously; it comes down to repeatedly betting your whole reality for the chance to become more conscious and aware. But whenever you reach that next level, you realize clearly that it was a good bet. For example, when you hit the level of courage, all your past fears and false pride seem silly to you now. When you reach the level of acceptance (setting and achieving goals), you look back on the level of willingness and see you were like a mouse running on a treadmill — you were a good runner, but you didn’t pick a direction.

I think the most important work we can do as human beings is to raise our individual level of consciousness. When we do this, we spread higher levels of consciousness to everyone around us. Imagine what an incredible world this would be if we could at least get everyone to the level of acceptance. According to Hawkins 85% of the people on earth live below the level of courage.

When you temporarily experience the higher levels, you can see where you must go next. You have one of those moments of clarity where you understand that things have to change. But when you sink into the lower levels, that memory becomes clouded.

We have to keep consciously taking ourselves back to the sources that can help us complete the next leap. Each step requires different solutions. I recall when making the shift from neutrality to willingness, I listened to time management tapes almost every day. I immersed myself in sources created by people at the level of willingness until I eventually shifted. But a book on time management will be of little use to someone who’s at the level of pride; they’ll reject the very notion with a lot of defensiveness. And time management is meaningless to someone at the level of peace. But you can’t hit the higher levels if you haven’t mastered the basics first. Jesus was a carpenter. Gandhi was a lawyer. Buddha was a prince. We all have to start somewhere.

Look at this hierarchy with an open mind and see if it leads you to new insights that may help you take the next leap in your own life. No levels are any more right or wrong than others. Try not to get your ego wrapped up in the idea of being at any particular level, unless you’re currently at the level of pride of course.

This article is copyright © by Steve Pavlina and is reprinted with permission. For more personal development articles, visit Steve Pavlina's Personal Development for Smart People.

Self-Acceptance vs. Personal Growth

2007-06-02T02:54:00.000+07:00

How do you balance self-acceptance vs. the drive to grow and improve yourself? On the one hand, it’s a good idea to accept yourself for who you are… faults and all, right? But on the other hand, isn’t it also a good idea to set goals and aim for something even better than what you already experience now? How do you resolve this conflict?

Is compromise really the best solution?

I believe most people simply compromise. They don’t fully accept themselves as they are, but nor are they fully comitted to lifelong growth. I think that’s a lame solution though. Why not have both? Why not fully accept yourself as you are and also be totally committed to lifelong growth? Can’t you enjoy both? Is there a way around this apparent conflict?

I often receive feedback, both publicly and privately, that suggests that because I’m so openly committed to personal growth (which should be obvious to anyone who spends more than a few minutes perusing this site), that therefore I must not like and accept who I am right now. It’s assumed that since I keep pushing myself to grow in new ways that I must be sacrificing the self-acceptance side.

The linear mindset

Why does there seem to be a conflict between self-acceptance and growth anyway? I think the conflict is actually a result of a particular mindset. I’ll refer to it as the linear mindset.

The linear mindset says that your life is like a point moving down a line segment. Your life is a journey through time. The end points represent your birth and death. The points behind you are your past. The points ahead of you are your future. And your present moment is a little dot on that timeline, slowly inching its way towards your death.

Every point on your life line can also be said to have a certain quality. You can look at any point on the line and measure your instantaneous state at that point. On any particular day of your life (past, present, or future), you can pose questions like: Where do I live? What’s my job? What’s my net worth? Who are my friends? What’s my relationship status? How much do I weigh?

Self-acceptance vs. personal growth

Within this paradigm it’s only natural that the conflict between self-acceptance and growth should arise. Once you start labeling some points of your life as being of “higher” or “lower” quality than others, then you have the means to compare any point to any other. How does your life today compare with your life five years ago? Are you richer? Happier? Healthier?

Now you have to decide how much you want to push things to improve in quality as you progress through life. You can accept your current position as adequate and opt to simply maintain it, or you can strive to achieve something greater. You can also adopt the belief that your life is largely out of your control, in which case your best bet would be to learn to accept whatever outcomes you experience, regardless of how you might rate their level of quality.

The more you accept where you are, the less motivation there is to grow. And the more you push yourself to grow, the less satisfaction you derive from your current position. You might end up oscillating back and forth along this spectrum, sometimes being very complacent and other times being very driven.

Limitations of the linear mindset

The linear mindset is very common, especially in the Western world. We love to measure things and assign them grades and ratings. Which car is the most fuel-efficient this year? Is company X more profitable than it was last year? How fit and healthy am I?

And that mindset certainly has value, especially in business. I’m not suggesting that it’s an inherently undesirable paradigm.

However, there are areas where this model works, and there are areas where it doesn’t. And one of those areas where it doesn’t work so well is your self-image.

Trying to apply the linear mindset to your self-image creates the conflict between self-acceptance and growth. Instead of merely measuring various aspects of your life and noting how they change over time, you identify with them. I am richer than I was last year. I am more depressed than I used to be. I went from being a telemarketer to being a sales manager.

When you identify with the positional aspects of your life, you pull your ego into the picture. Your sense of self then becomes dependent on your particular position.

If you primarily think about life in terms of hitting new highs, such as better health, greater net worth, or a more anal job title, then what happens when you experience a setback in your position, maybe even a big one like being charged with a felony?

We all experience setbacks. It’s only a matter of time. If your self-esteem is based on your position, then you’ll suffer greatly when your position declines. What would it do to your self-esteem if you lost all your money? What if you gained 50 lbs? What if your life mate dumped you? If you lose your position, will you lose your sense of self?

Even more problematic than a real loss is worrying about the possibility of a loss in advance. You may hold yourself back because you fear becoming too dependent on a certain position. If you stay low, you don’t have far to fall when things go bad. Gaining a few pounds over the holidays isn’t as painful when you’re already 50 lbs overweight. Going broke isn’t so terrible when you only have $1000 to your name vs. if you’re a multi-millionaire. And how much worse can your relationship situation get if it’s already lousy (or nonexistent)?

Perhaps by setting up camp in mediocre land and staying far away from super-achiever, you’re protecting your ego from inevitable setbacks. You know that even the most successful people in the world experience setbacks, so why would you risk subjecting yourself to such dramatic highs and lows? What goes up must come down, right?

The underlying problem is that by rooting your sense of self in something that will fluctuate, like the current position of any measurable part of your life, you’re going to suffer in one way or another. Either you’ll push yourself to achieve, achieve, achieve, and then suffer emotionally when things take a turn for the worse, or you’ll become attached to outcomes to an unhealthy degree, such that you may sacrifice your ethics to maintain your position. Or you’ll settle for much less than you’re capable of achieving and probably give yourself regular beatings for being too lazy and for over-procrastinating – you’ll always be haunted by the knowledge that you could be doing better. Or lastly you may decide to withdraw from society in order to escape/transcend this whole punishing process; but still your contribution is far below your potential.

Beyond the linear mindset

This whole situation is basically win-lose, isn’t it? You have to compromise somewhere. You can’t play the positional growth game full out and still accept and enjoy every moment along the way, right?

Or can you?

Let me suggest an alternative paradigm.

Instead of rooting your sense of self in your position, which is changeable, what would happen if you rooted your sense of self in something permanent and unchangeable? Stop identifying yourself with any form of positional status, and pick something invulnerable instead… like a pure concept that nothing in this world can touch. Examples include unconditional love, service to humanity, faith in a higher power, compassion, nonviolence, and so on.

I’m certainly not the first person to suggest something like this. Stephen Covey wrote about this in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. He refers to it as true north.

When you root yourself in unchangeable ”true north” principles, you may still measure the various metrics of your life and notice how they change over time, but you won’t make them part of your identity. Hence, you keep your self-esteem separate from your particular circumstances.

This isn’t easy to do. Covey himself has admitted how difficult it is for him personally. But you don’t have to be perfect to get results from this paradigm. Even a small move in this direction will reduce the conflict between self-acceptance and growth. Essentially you’ll gain the best of both worlds.

Separating position from identity

By rooting yourself in the permanent, your position detaches from your identity. This makes it possible to unconditionally accept yourself as you are while still courageously playing the positional growth game, regardless of the outcome. Self-acceptance and growth are no longer in conflict because now they don’t apply to the same thing. You’ve separated your identity (self-acceptance) from your position (growth).

Covey’s true north principles are based on effectiveness. Mine are based on fulfillment, so they’re slightly different, but there’s certainly a lot of overlap between them. For example, one of my principles is service to the highest good of all. This is close to Covey’s principle of thinking win-win. Either version of this principle is independent of position. You can be homeless and forgotten, or you can be rich and famous, and you can still do your best to serve the highest good of all and to think win-win. These principles do not depend on circumstances; circumstances only affect the manner in which you’d apply them.

Detaching ego from outcomes

If I were to look at a snapshot of my life right now, I’d rate it as excellent in terms of its positional (i.e. growth-related) aspects. Last week three of my articles were featured on the popular list on del.icio.us (one of them in the #1 spot), two were picked up by reddit, two got digg‘d, one got fark‘d, one got furl‘d, and one got spurl‘d. I received 320,000 visitors and 664,000 page views that week, and I topped my one-day Adsense record too ($330.69 on April 12). On Thursday I did a magazine interview, on Friday I did a nationally syndicated radio interview, and on Saturday I joined the Las Vegas National Speakers Association and went to my first meeting (Lou Heckler was the guest speaker). Later today my family and I will enjoy an Easter picnic in the park with some friends, and I’ll spend the rest of the day having fun and relaxing. Positionally everything is wonderful. Lots of higher highs.

But if I let my self-esteem and my identity get too wrapped up in these external outcomes, I’ll be setting myself up for ultimate failure. When the pendulum swings the other way, and of course it eventually will, I’ll get frustrated with my less than stellar performance. And from there it’s a slippery slope into the realm of ego-driven attachment to outcomes. What will happen when my traffic or income takes a nosedive at some point? I’ll either resist accepting my present situation, or I’ll withdraw into a shell and settle for mediocrity for a while, or I’ll put on a fake front and pull an Enron. None of those are good solutions.

The solution is upstream… to keep identity and position as separate as possible. I find that a couple practices help a lot with this: journaling and meditation. I’ve been doing both for many years, and these practices help me keep my internal compass aligned with true north principles that aren’t going to change within my lifetime. I keep my sense of self rooted in permanent concepts like service, awareness, and peace. Those concepts don’t change, so my deepest sense of self remains fairly fixed. That makes it easier to fully accept who I am in every moment. But on the positional side, I’m still able to enjoy the pursuit of positional growth and play full out without settling for underachievement.

If I stray from these practices for too long (more than a few weeks), I gradually fall out of alignment with true north. I eventually get sucked back into the prevailing social climate that loves to identify people with their positions. For example, while I was doing my polyphasic sleep experiment, some people started identifying me with polyphasic sleep. And that’s OK until they start becoming too attached to that person-position pairing. Positions are always temporary, so it’s best not to become overly attached to them… whether in yourself or others. It would have been problematic if I fell into the trap of letting my ego become overly attached to my position as a polyphasic sleeper. The ego resists positional changes it perceives as negative — it doesn’t like to be wrong. So I might have clung to polyphasic sleep even when it didn’t serve me as well as monophasic sleep.

Have you fallen into any person-position pairing in your own life? Do you derive your sense of self from things that are changeable and vulnerable, such as your income, your job title, your relationships, or any other form of status? How much energy are you investing in defending those positions out of fear?

When you loosen your attachment to positions, you don’t have to defend them. I disliked when people started giving me labels like “the internet king of polyphasic sleep” (not my words)… because if you’re a king, then you’ve got a kingdom to defend. People like to attack kings simply because of their position as kings. I’d rather not be perceived as a king of anything positional, since I don’t want to spend my time defending temporary positions that are eventually going to crumble anyway. Trying to defend your position as if it were the real you is a losing battle. None of the positional aspects of your life are going to endure, so it’s best not to become too attached to them. Enjoy them while they last, but don’t seek your self in them.

When you root your self in something permanent, then your sense of self is effectively untouchable. Your position can be attacked, and you can still defend it if you like, but you won’t feel irrationally compelled to defend it out of fear. You won’t feel you’re being personally attacked when your position becomes vulnerable.

Enjoying inner peace

What I’m really getting at here is inner peace. When you keep your sense of self away from third-dimensional positions, your position can rollercoaster all over the place, and you can still be at peace on the inside no matter what happens. You don’t have to withdraw and be totally passive. You can enjoy being an ambitious overachiever and set and achieve goals like a maniac — and have a great time doing it. But meanwhile you don’t seek your identity in those fluctuating outcomes.

As you can probably imagine, because of my position running one of the most popular personal development sites on the Internet, I receive an abundance of both praise and criticism, ranging from genuine gratitude to spiteful bashing. At the extremes on both ends, some of it is downright bizarre; some people canonize me while others demonize me. Here’s a recent post which labels me a narcissistic Satanist. If I had a nickel for every time…. ;)

Now if I were to begin identifying with these fluctuating reactions to my position, I’d drive myself nuts. But I’m quite content to allow other people to retain full ownership of their reactions, extract the constructive and useful feedback, and go on about my day in peace. Aside from meditation and journaling, even simple things like playing with the kids or going for a walk help me stay grounded. It’s funny to go from reading someone’s review of my apparent Satanism to seeing my 2-year old son wander in and say, “Daddy, I wanna cookie.” Partly I think the reason I have two kids is to help me keep things in the proper perspective.

If you find yourself succumbing to the ego-position trap, add some practices to your life like meditation, journaling, time with kids, time in nature, and so on. This will help you reconnect with what’s most sacred to you (your own version of true north principles) and keep your identity separate from your position. Then you can experience drive without attachment, ambition without ego, and peace without passivity.

This article is copyright © by Steve Pavlina and is reprinted with permission. For more personal development articles, visit Steve Pavlina's Personal Development for Smart People.

Motivation for Smart People

2007-06-02T02:49:00.000+07:00

Do you ever feel there’s a greater being inside of you just bursting to get out? You can feel its presence sometimes, can’t you? It’s the voice that encourages you to really make something of your life. When you act congruently with that voice, it’s like you’re a whole new person. You feel like a god in a human body. You’re bold and courageous. You’re strong. You’re unstoppable.

But then reality sets in, and soon those moments are history. Where did that powerful voice go? Were you merely suffering from delusions of grandeur?

It isn’t hard to temporarily put yourself into an emotional state of power. Just go to any Tony Robbins’ concert seminar, and he’ll have you dancing in the aisles feeling totally motivated. Put on your favorite fast-tempo music, stand tall, breathe strong, chest out, shoulders back. Strut around like a superhero. Shout, “Yes!” Pound your chest a few times for good measure. You’ll look like a dolt, but this does actually work.

But then you go home, and the emotional motivation fades away. Your great ideas now seem impractical. How many times have you been temporarily inspired with an idea like, “I want to start my own business,” and then a week later it’s forgotten? You come up with inspiring ideas when you’re motivated, but you fail to maintain that level of motivation through the action phase.

So how do you reach the point of high motivation and stay there?

Emotional motivation

Tony Robbins says the key to motivation is state management. This means conditioning yourself to feel a certain way via techniques like anchoring (connecting an emotion to a physical trigger). When Tony pounds his chest while speaking, he’s firing off anchors he previously conditioned. The downside is that you need to keep firing off these anchors as well as periodically reconditioning them to keep your motivation up. That means lots and lots of chest pounding.

As another motivational method, Tony suggests writing down the pleasure you associate to a task as well as the pain of not doing it. Again the idea here is to stir up your emotions, so you’ll be motivated to take action. This type of motivation is usually short-lived, even when the emotions involved are very intense.

I studied and practiced these kinds of emotional motivation techniques extensively during my 20s. In the long run, I didn’t find them particularly effective. My intellect saw right through all the chest pounding. The logical part of my mind was ultimately dissatisfied with attempts to induce motivation through emotional manipulation.

Have you ever seen one of those rah-rah motivational speakers? If the speaker is good, s/he will have an emotional effect on you and get you to feel motivated. But within a day or two, that emotional boost fades away, and you’re back to normal. You can listen to hundreds of motivational speakers and experience an emotional yo-yo effect, but it doesn’t last. I think this is especially common with technically minded people. We’re accustomed to thinking with our heads. We’re still emotional creatures on some level, but our emotional B.S. detectors periodically scrub our minds free of anything that doesn’t satisfy our logic.

Intellectual motivation

I used to get frustrated when my emotional conditioning fizzled out after a while. Eventually I realized that being guided by intellect, not emotion, wasn’t such a bad thing after all. I just had to learn to use my mind as an effective motivational tool. I stopped using emotional motivation techniques and decided to see if I could motivate myself intellectually. I figured that if I wasn’t feeling motivated to go after a particular goal, maybe there was a logical reason for it. Perhaps I just wasn’t taking my logic far enough to see it.

I noted that when I had strong intellectual reasons for doing something, I usually didn’t have trouble taking action. I’m motivated to exercise regularly because doing so is intelligent and reasonable. I don’t need to emotionally pump myself up to go to the gym. I just go.

But when my mind thinks a goal is wrong on some level, I usually feel blocked. I eventually realized that this was my mind’s way of telling me the goal was a mistake to begin with.

Sometimes a goal seems to make sense on one level, but when you look further upstream, it becomes clear the goal is ill advised. Suppose you work in sales, and you set a goal to increase your income by 20% by becoming a more effective salesperson. That seems like a reasonable and intelligent goal. But maybe you’re surprised to find yourself encountering all sorts of internal blocks when you try to pursue it. You should feel motivated, but you just don’t. The problem may be that on a deeper level, your mind knows you don’t want to be working in sales at all. You really want to be a musician. So no matter how hard you push yourself in your sales career, it will always be a motivational dead end. You’ll never convince your mind to give up on your more important dream of being a musician.

When you set goals that are too small and too timid, you suffer a perpetual lack of motivation. Try all the emotional conditioning techniques you want, but you’re wasting your time. Deep down you already know the truth. You just need to summon the courage to acknowledge your true desires. Then you’ll have to deal with the self-doubt and fear that’s been making you think too small. There’s no getting around that if you want to experience lasting motivation. Ironically, the real key to motivation is to set goals that scare you.

I recommend working through these kinds of blocks in your journal. Type a question like, “Why am I feeling unmotivated to achieve this goal?” Then type whatever answer comes to mind. You’ll often find that the source of your block is that you’re thinking too small. You’re letting fears, excuses, and limiting beliefs hold you back. Your subconscious mind knows you’re settling, so it won’t provide any motivational fuel until you step up, face your fears, and acknowledge your heart’s desire. Once you finally decide to face your fears and drop the excuses, then you’ll find your motivation turning on full blast.

When I use this process myself, I uncover new goals that seem unreasonably big. I admit that I want them, but I feel incapable of achieving them. However, when I finally step up and set goals that lie outside my comfort zone, somehow I end up feeling very motivated, and I summon all sorts of unexpected resources to help me.

Was it unreasonable to set a web traffic goal of reaching a million monthly visitors without spending any money on marketing? I originally thought so, but I privately set that goal before I ever launched this site because it inspired me. More reasonable traffic goals had no motivational effect on me. Now that I’ve achieved that goal, my next traffic goal is to reach 10 million visitors a month. Is that unreasonable? Probably. But somehow it’s very motivating to me.

It seems counter-intuitive that motivation may be highest when setting goals that lie outside your comfort zone, but I’ve seen this pattern too many times to discount it. Perhaps we have to set big, hairy, audacious goals in order to feel truly motivated. Maybe little goals just aren’t enough to trigger the release of motivational energy. If we think a goal is too easy, we won’t commit all our internal resources. It’s only when we set unreasonable goals that all our internal resources come online, including motivation and drive.

When I set a goal that’s big enough and challenging enough, I never need to pump myself up with emotional rah-rah. I feel motivated to pursue the goal because my intellect is fully behind it. I just find myself doing what needs to be done. No chest pounding required.

This article is copyright © by Steve Pavlina and is reprinted with permission. For more personal development articles, visit Steve Pavlina's Personal Development for Smart People.